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At first glance, it seems very difficult to draw a quick conclusion of whether educating and encouraging sinners to attend job training courses are more effective than bringing them to jail. After serious consideration, I agree with this point of view.
Apparently, education might help to reduce the number of offenders in society. To be more specific, some experts state that these people might enhance their social perception when they are taught what is right or wrong. Thus, they can fix and select their social behaviours in order to become better citizens. For example, when we provide them several courses about traffic regulations or the local rules ,which might widen their horizons and raise their awareness of applying the rules and taking into consideration before they decide to break laws . Secondly, education and job training allow law-breakers to have a more stable or even well-paid job later on, so they are less likely to suffer from unemployment, which is the main reason lead to crime. For instance, education and occupation training provide them various useful information and job experiences in order to enhance their academic qualifications achivements which is regularly fundamental to have better job opportunities . In other words , we can say that fully giving them a good education system may help them mature socially and advance academically that can change them to be rounded-citizens.However, there are mixed variety of special crime cases which might seriously threat against other individuals and impact destructively on society or even a whole nation. Thus, we might need to have more stricted punishments such as sending these criminals to prison.From what has been discussed above I coud safely come to the conclusion that I agree teaching and creating more job seminars for offenders are the way more favorable than imprisoning them. However, we need to have a harsh punishment under significant and serious circumstances of the crime.
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Nguyễn Lê Anh ThưAt first glance, it seems very difficult to draw a quick conclusion of whether educating and encouraging sinners to attend job training courses are more effective than bringing them to jail. After serious consideration, I agree with this point of view.

A sinner is someone who has offended God. For example, they did not honor their mother and father, or they worked on a holy day, or they told a lie.

If all sinners were imprisoned, everyone except maybe little babies, would be behind bars.

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You wrote only two paragraphs. You need to separate your text into 4 paragraphs. YOu have punctuations errors. Do not put a space before a punctuation mark; it goes after the mark.


At first glance, it seems very difficult to draw a quick conclusion of whether educating and encouraging sinners to attend job training courses is are more effective than bringing (wrong word. You can use "put in jail" or "imprison" or the verb "jail".) them to jail. After serious consideration, I agree with this point of view.
Apparently, (wrong word.) Education might help to reduce the number of offenders in society. To be more specific, some experts state that these people might enhance (wrong word) their social perception (wrong phrase.) when they are taught what is right or wrong. Thus, they can fix and select their social behaviours in order to become better citizens. For example, when we provide them several courses about traffic regulations or the local rules ,which might widen their horizons and raise their awareness of applying the rules and taking (missing object.) into consideration before they decide to break laws . Secondly, Second, education and job training allows law-breakers to have a more stable or even well-paid job later on, so they are less likely to suffer from unemployment, which is the main reason lead (wrong form.) to crime. For instance, education and occupation (wrong form - occupational) training provide them with various useful information and job experiences in order to enhance (wrong word.) their academic qualifications achivements (wrong expression.) which is regularly fundamental to have (wrong form.) better job opportunities . In other words , we can say that fully giving them a good education system (This means that you give them the school buildings, the teaching and administration staff, and the policies.) may help them mature socially and advance academically that (ungrammatical) can change them to be (a rounded citizen = a very fat person, with the shape of a dumpling.) rounded-citizens.However, there are mixed variety (wrong form, missing article.) of special crime cases which might seriously threat against other individuals and impact destructively on society or even a whole nation. Thus, we might need to have more stricted punishments such as sending these criminals to prison.From what has been discussed above I coud safely come to the conclusion that I agree teaching and creating more job seminars for offenders is better are the way more favorable than imprisoning them. However, we need to have a harsh punishment for under significant and serious crimes. circumstances of the crime.

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Comments  
Nguyễn Lê Anh Thưencouraging sinners

The last word is used in religious contexts. You should replace this with criminals or offenders.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree ?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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