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The sentence is:

"By the time I received the email from my manager that expressed his shock that we were considerably over-budget, I was too late."

How should I reword this sentence? I don't think it is correct to say "the email from my manager that expressed his shock". Should I say, "my manager's email in which he expressed his shock"?

Sounds a bit wordy...
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Hi,

The sentence is:

"By the time I received the email from my manager that expressed his shock that we were considerably over-budget, I was too late."

How should I reword this sentence? I don't think it is correct to say "the email from my manager that expressed his shock". It's not wrong.

Should I say, "my manager's email in which he expressed his shock"? You could say that.

Sounds a bit wordy... Yes, it does.

How about these versions?


"By the time I received the email from my manager expressing his shock that we were considerably over-budget, I was too late."

"I received the email from my manager expressing his shock that we were considerably over-budget. But I was too late."

'I was too late' sounds slightly odd. Are you sure you don't mean 'It was too late'?

Clive
Hi Anon;
It's a bit hard to rewrite it without more context - What were you too late for?
Otherwise, the sentence is OK.
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Thanks Clive! I think I'll use your first suggestion:

"By the time I received the email from my manager expressing his shock that we were considerably over-budget, I was too late."

I'm saying "I was too late" b/c I didn't take proper action to prevent a bad outcome from happening. Therefore, I think "I was too late" (b/c of my failure to respond) is more appropriate than "it was too late". What do you think?
Were you too late to break the bad news to the manager yourself (so he wouldn't be so shocked), or too late in amending the budget, so it would not appear to be out of whack?
Too late in breaking the news to the manager.
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Hi,

I'd consider rewording it,

eg

"My manager sent me an email expressing his shock that we were considerably over-budget before I had a chance to tell him about it."

Clive