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Hi guys,

This short composition is meant for a student who is in his/her first year in school. Could someone please edit it for me. Thank you very much.

Last Sunday afternoon, my brother, Brandon, and I went to the beach with my parents. My father drove us there.

When we reached the beach, my brother and I changed into our swimming trunks. Then we rushed to the sea, and swam. We threw a ball to each other. When we were tired, we went back to the shore.

About five minutes later, we had lunch with our parents. We ate the food cooked by my mother. I enjoyed the food cooked by her. After that, my brother and I read the books, which we had brought. About half an hour later, my father told us it was time to go home.

Soon we were on our way home. A short while later, my brother and I soon fell asleep in the car.

When we reached home, my mother woke us up.

It was indeed an enjoyable day.
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Hi Yoong Liat,

The language is simple on purpose. "The food she cooked" is a lot more natural than "The food cooked by her" and "A short while later" is redundant with "soon," so you should pick one or the other, but not both.

This short composition is meant for a student who is in his/her first year in school. Could someone please edit it for me. Thank you very much.

Last Sunday afternoon, my brother, Brandon, and I went to the beach with my parents. My father drove us there.

When we reached the beach, my brother and I changed into our swimming trunks. Then we rushed to the sea, and swam. We threw a ball to each other. When we were tired, we went back to the shore.

About five minutes later, we had lunch with our parents. We ate the food cooked by my mother. I enjoyed the food she cooked by her. After that, my brother and I read the books that , which we had brought. About half an hour later, my father told us it was time to go home.

Soon we were on our way home. A short while later, my brother and I soon fell asleep in the car.

When we reached home, my mother woke us up.

It was indeed an enjoyable day.
Comments  
Barbara

I've noted your constructive comments.

Thank you very much.

Happy New Year.