This passage is meant for year 2 students. Please edit it for me. Any suggestions to improve it are welcome. Thank you very much.

Last week, Mr Tan, the form teacher, told his class that they would be doing spring-cleaning. The children were very excited.

Jack and Peter mopped the floor. Jack was so engrossed in cleaning the floor that he did know realise that he had kicked the pail of water. Peter was did not see the puddle of water on the floor behind him. As he stepped backwards while mopping the floor, he slipped and fell. Fortunately, he was not seriously injured.

Other than this incident, everything went on smoothly. The floor, the windows and the whiteboard were cleaned.

Mr Tan was pleased that all the pupils played their part in cleaning up the classroom. He thanked them.



Yoong Liat
Jack and Peter mopped the floor. Jack was so engrossed in cleaning the floor that he did know realise that he had kicked the pail of water.

I think the grammar is correct and I only see one mistake: know. This needs to be rewritten as not.

Yoong LiatPeter was did not see the puddle of water on the floor behind him.


Was cannot be used here, as you've already used did, which is the correct word. Was is a form of to be, but you indeed need a form of to do here.

Yoong Liat Mr Tan was pleased that all the pupils played their part in cleaning up the classroom.This happened after the students had already cleaned the room, if I understand correctly. It is therefore necessary to point out that the cleaning happened earlier, which can be done by adding had.

'Mr Tan was pleased that all the pupils had played their part in cleaning up the classroom.'

Also, I would skip the blank lines and instead write it like this:

'Last week, Mr Tan, the form teacher, told his class that they would be doing spring-cleaning. The children were very excited.
Jack and Peter mopped the floor. Jack was so engrossed in cleaning the floor that he did not realise that he had kicked the pail of water. Peter did not see the puddle of water on the floor behind him. As he stepped backwards while mopping the floor, he slipped and fell. Fortunately, he was not seriously injured.
Other than this incident, everything went on smoothly. The floor, the windows and the whiteboard were cleaned.
Mr Tan was pleased that all the pupils had played their part in cleaning up the classroom. He thanked them.'

Oh well, I'm sort of tired and that is when I ruin things, so correct mymistakes, please Emotion: stick out tongue.

Thanks, Jenne, for pointing out the mistakes.

All the best
Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
I'm disappointed that Mr Tan uses a whiteboard, instead of a blackboard.

A well-aimed chalk is an essential part of the educational process. A gently lobbed dry-wipe marker pen isn't quite the same.

MrP
In Singapore, during my school days, a blackboard was used. That was long ago. Nowadays our schools use whiteboards.