Could someone please edit the short story for me? Any suggestions to improve the story are welcome. Thanks in advance.

One day, Alan was playing hide-and-seek with his friends. He was eager to find one of his friends quickly.

Thinking that one of them was hiding behind a tree near the pond, he ran towards the tree. Unfortunately he was running so fast and so near the pond that he slipped and fell into it as the ground was wet. As he could hardly swim, he was struggling in the water and shouting for help at the same time, hoping that somebody would come to his rescue.

Fortunately, his friends heard him and ran towards the pond. They were shocked as they knew that Alan was not a good swimmer and they themselves did not know how to swim. They did not know what to know. Luckily, they saw an old man walking with a walking stick. James asked him, “Sir, may I borrow your walking stick to save my friend from drowning?” He agreed without hesitation. He sat down on the nearby bench before lending James his walking stick.

James, together with his friends, quickly ran to the pond. Alan quickly grabbed the walking stick, which James was holding. James then pulled him to the edge of the pond. Alan was very grateful to James for saving his life.

James wiped the walking stick dry with a piece of cloth before returning it to the old man. James then told him, “Thank you, sir, for lending me your walking stick. With your stick, I managed to save my friend.” The old man was glad that his walking stick had saved a life.

As Alan was completely drenched, his friends went to the nearby shopping centre to buy him a towel, a shirt and a pair of shorts. After that, they quickly ran back to the pond. Alan paid James for the things he had bought. He then changed into the new clothes. He thanked his friends for their help.

Hi,

One day, Alan was playing hide-and-seek with his friends. He was eager to find one of them quickly.

Thinking that one of them was hiding behind a tree near the pond, he ran towards the tree. Unfortunately he was running so fast and so near the pond that he slipped and fell into it, as the ground was wet. Because he could hardly swim, he was struggling in the water and shouting for help at the same time, hoping that somebody would come to his rescue.

Fortunately, his friends heard him and ran towards the pond. They were shocked as they knew that Alan was not a good swimmer and they themselves did not know how to swim. They did not know what to know. Luckily, they saw an old man walking with a walking stick. James asked him, “Sir, may I borrow your walking stick to save my friend from drowning?” He agreed without hesitation, but sat down on the nearby bench before lending James the stick.



James, together with his friends, quickly ran to the pond. Alan immediately grabbed the stick, which James was holding. James then pulled him to the edge of the pond. Alan was very grateful to James for saving his life.

James wiped the walking stick dry with a piece of cloth before returning it to the old man. James then told him, “Thank you, sir, for lending me your walking stick. With your stick, I managed to save my friend.” The old man was glad that his walking stick had saved a life.

As Alan was completely drenched, his friends went to the nearby shopping centre to buy him a towel, a shirt and a pair of shorts. After that, they quickly ran back to the pond. Alan paid James for the things he had bought. He then changed into the new clothes and thanked his friends for their help.

The English is fine. My advice is:

1. Use pronouns more, to avoid repetition.

2. Avoid repetition of words, eg 'quickly', by finding synonyms.

3. Try to find ways to join your sentences more often, eg by using 'so', 'because', 'who', etc.

Best wishes, Clive
Thanks, Clive, for the constructive comments.

Best wishes