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“First of all, these criticisms overlook the fact that what makes people anxious and whether or not they are able to attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment) seem to depend upon personal psychological traits.”

I think I've already posted this sentence some time ago, but, as it gave rise to further discussion, I think it's ok to post it here.

As I've got two subjects, it is clear that I must use "seem". However, the fact that I use "the fact that" makes it sound kind of awkward. Hence I've thought I could perhaps say sth. like this to make things clearer:

“First of all, these criticisms overlook that (a) what makes people anxious and (b) whether or not they are able to attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment) seem to depend upon personal psychological traits.”

What do you think?

Regards,

Sextus
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Comments  
Another option--

First of all, these criticisms overlook the fact that personal psychological traits seem to determine what causes anxiety and whether or not a person is able to attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment).

Aha, nice rephrasing.

What about:

"First of all, these criticisms overlook the fact that it is personal psychological traits is which determines what causes anxiety and whether or not a person is able to attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment)."

or:

"First of all, these criticisms overlook the fact that personal psychological traits is what determines what causes anxiety and whether or not a person is able to attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment)." ?

Well, in the second, the problem is the repetition of "what". In the first, perhaps the singular forms in "it is... which determines".

Sextus
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Actually, it is kind of odd to call something a fact which only seems to be so.

Does this carry enough weight?--
First of all, these criticisms overlook the possibility that it may be personal psychological traits that cause anxiety and determine whether or not a person can attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment).
Or even better (I guess):

"First of all, these criticisms overlook the fact that it is each person's psychological traits which determines what causes him anxiety and whether or not he is able to attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment)."

Sextus
I could be wrong, Sextus, but I can't get quite comfortable with 'it is...traits which determines...'

One last attempt (because I'm retiring for the day, here)--
"First of all, these criticisms overlook the fact that each person's psychological traits determine what causes him anxiety and whether or not he is able to attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment)."
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Yep, I think that this is the only remaining possibility.

Thanks, Davkett.

Sextus
Or perhaps:

"First of all, these criticisms overlook that it is each person's psychological makeup which determines what causes him anxiety and whether or not he is able to attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment)."

What do you think now?

Sextus
Fine. (But did you mean to leave out 'overlook [the fact] that'?)

And one last [slightly more formal]option--

"First of all, these criticisms overlook [the fact] that it is one's own psychological makeup which determines what causes one anxiety and whether or not one is able to attain unperturbedness (by suspending judgment)."
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