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I grew up in the south, USA, but my family is from the northern Midwest, USA. My family only says, "so to speak", but I often hear "so to say" when talking with friends. Though, I also hear the derivation, "sorta say". I hear "so to say" more now that I am in an area of the south that was settled by German speakers, but that could be a coincidence.

my friend that says "so to say" was born and raised in Erie, PA. Hope that helps! He is the only person I ever knew to use that expression.

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I can't believe there are four pages of posts about this. If you mean the expression "so to speak" meaning "what I just said is figurative", then "so to say" is a mistake no matter what percentage of semi-literates use it. I advise any ESL students reading this to forget "so to say". At the very least, it is not standard, and it will be marked wrong in an essay. I think the poster is right who said that it is probably the result of confusion with "so they say" (or "sad to say").