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It is acknowledged that sports play a pivotal role in our lives. However, the impact of physical education on student health remains a polarizing topic. While a school of thought holds that making PE an obligatory subject is the optimal method in other to improve the general health of schoolchildren, others claim that this has just a small impact. I can therefore only partly agree with the assertion that PE should be compulsory.

It is understandable why some people advocate for all schools to have physical education as one of the main subjects. First, sports help to boost both physical and mental health of schoolchildren. For example, when students do exercises frequently, they will not only prevent themselves from severe health diseases, but their cognitive skills will also be improved. American schools perfectly exemplify this situation. American students are trained earnestly in sports, and they have physical education lessons pretty often. Therefore, they look healthier in both strength and physique in comparison with the Asian ones who do not take exercises seriously. For these reasons, it seems sensible that making physical education obligatory in school is the optimum way to improve schoolchildren’s health.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that the aforementioned method would bring adverse effects on students in some cases. The fact that schoolchildren nowadays have a host of subjects to study leads to a manifold of problems. For instance, there are a lot of assignments for them to do and cramming is not an unfamiliar thing when it comes to examination. Therefore, they show a tendency to being fatigued, stressed and less active. If schools force children to do exercises, it will be hard for them to focus on the other subjects that are more crucial, such as Maths, literature, etc. Moreover, the state of being healthy does not only depend on exercising but also on people’s diet. It can be seen that young people in this modern age are more likely to digest a lot of junk food which contains harmful substances for their health. This less nutritious food may cause them to suffer from some intense health issues, namely diabetes, heart problems, and so on. Consequently, physical education is not a necessary method and some culinary nutrition courses should be applied to the curriculum instead.

In conclusion, while there may be reasons to support making sports compulsory at school, I believe that the proposed solutions would go a long way in improving the health of schoolchildren.

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You wrote over 400 words. The minimum is 250. While a long essay will not decrease your score, it gives you a chance for poor writing, excessive repetition, going off-topic, and making grammatical errors. A carefully written essay of 270-300 words will generally yield better results.


It is acknowledged that sports play a pivotal role in our lives. (Off-topic. It is not about the role of sports.) However, the impact of physical education on student health remains a polarizing topic. (That is not true. There is only a difference of opinion. That does not mean that it is polarizing or a heated debate or anything like this. Students memorize these pat answers, for almost any Task 2 essay, and it is not a good strategy.) While a one school of thought holds that making PE an obligatory subject is the optimal method in other to improve the general health of schoolchildren, others claim that this has just a small impact. I can therefore only partly agree with the assertion that PE should be compulsory.

It is understandable why some people advocate for all schools to have physical education as one of the main subjects. First, sports help to boost both physical and mental health of schoolchildren. For example, when students do exercises frequently, they will not only prevent themselves from severe illnesses health diseases, but their cognitive skills will also be improved. American schools perfectly exemplify this. situation. American students are trained earnestly in sports, and they have physical education classes several times a week. lessons pretty often. Therefore, they look healthier in both strength and physique in comparison with the Asians ones who do not take exercises seriously. For these reasons, it seems sensible that making physical education obligatory in school is the optimum way to improve schoolchildren’s health.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that the aforementioned (Take this word out of your vocabulary. It is stilted and awkward. Use demonstrative adjectives.) that method would bring adverse effects on students in some cases. The fact that schoolchildren nowadays have a host of (wrong usage) a variety of subjects to study leads to a manifold of (wrong usage.) several problems. For instance, there are a lot of assignments for them to do and cramming is not an unfamiliar thing when it comes to examination. Therefore, they are frequently show a tendency to being fatigued, stressed and less active. If schools force children to do exercises, it will be hard for them to focus on the other subjects that are more crucial, such as Maths, science, history and literature. , etc. (do not use ellipses, "etc." or phrases such as "and so on" in formal essays.) Moreover, the state of being healthy does not only depend on exercising but also on people’s diet. It can be seen that young people in this modern age are more likely to eat digest (wrong word) a lot of junk food which contains harmful substances for their health. This less nutritious food may cause them to suffer from some serious intense health issues, namely diabetes, obesity and heart problems, and so on. Consequently, physical education is not a necessary method and some culinary nutrition courses should be added applied to the curriculum instead.

In conclusion, while there may be reasons to support making sports compulsory at school, I believe that the proposed solutions classes on healthy eating would go a long way in improving the health of schoolchildren.

You conclusion conflicts with your thesis statement in the opening paragraph. In the conclusion, you disagree with the proposal, and your thesis states that you partly agree. Make sure that your essay hangs together logically and that you do not contradict yourself.


I have the opinion that EnglishForums give better essay advice that this alternative:

https://www.testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-ii-ielts-academic-essays/some-people-believe-best-way-improve-general-well-0

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Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all school. Others, however, think that this would have a little effect on overall health and that other measures... Please copy the complete instructions correctly here.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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