It is undeniable that education system play a vital role in the development of a country. While a number of people argue that further education should be available to only gifted students, I am of the opinion that universities and colleges should provide places for all students.
On the one hand, the idea of giving university education to only bright students may be reasonable to some extent. It is because pursuing a bachelor degree is not an undemanding task, which requires to be handled by those who have a good knowledge background to be able to catch up with advanced and specialized knowledge quickly and effectively. For example, critical decision making and lateral thinking are often performed by intelligent individuals in their practical work. Only accepting good students can make the best use of the higher curriculum and improve educational outcomes, helping create skilled intellectual workers and professionals for the society.
On the other hand, I believe that all students should be entitled to receive further education. Firstly, not only students with good intellectual ability can follow the curriculum of high level, but those who have determination and ability to self-study are also able to make it, yet at a slower pace. Therefore, no students should be restricted to gain access to higher education and pursue their own goals. Moreover, if students who are less capable in academic performance know in advance that there is no hope of studying further, they may feel that there is no point trying to study hard. In other words, giving the chance to attend higher education for all students, which also means the chance to get better job opportunities and possibly higher earning levels in the future, can motivate and turn a poor student into a good one.
To conclude, while it may be feasible that only good students should be accepted to receive further education, I still believe that this chance should be the right of all students and it also encourages them to study. To take it or not, should be the right of the students themselves.
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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay
Message body:
Topic:
Some people believe that a college or university education should be available to all students. Others believe that higher education should be available only to good students. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Copy the instructions accurately and completely.
My essay:
(Your text here...)
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It is undeniable that (Avoid these dummy-it clauses. They add nothing to an essay.) The education system in a country plays (wrong verb form corrected) a vital role in its the development of a country. While a number of people argue that further (wrong word Further than what? Some countries have only primary school.) education should be available to only gifted students, I am of the opinion that universities and colleges should provide places for all students.
On the one hand, the idea of giving university education to only bright students may be reasonable to some extent. It is because pursuing a bachelor degree is not an undemanding task, which requires to be handled by those who have a good knowledge background to be able to catch up with advanced and specialized knowledge quickly and effectively. (That is very unnatural and ungainly. The verbs "handle" and "catch up" do not work very well. ) For example, critical decision making and lateral thinking are often performed by intelligent individuals in their daily lives. practical work. Only accepting good students can make the best use of the higher curriculum (wrong phrase) and improve educational outcomes, helping create skilled intellectual workers and professionals for the society.
On the other hand, I believe that all students should be entitled to receive further education. Firstly, First, not only the most gifted students with good intellectual ability can follow the curriculum of high level, (wrong phrase) but those who have determination and ability to self-study are also able to make it, yet at a slower pace. Therefore, no students should be restricted to gain access to from higher education and so they can pursue their own goals. Moreover, if students who are less capable in academic performance know in advance that there is no hope of studying further, they may feel that there is no point trying to study hard. (I do not understand your point.) In other words, giving the chance to attend higher education for all students, which also means the chance to get better job opportunities and possibly higher earning levels in the future, can motivate and turn a poor student into a good one.
To conclude, while it may be feasible that only good students should be accepted to receive further education, I still believe that this chance it should be the right of all high school graduates so they can pursue their career goals. all students and it also encourages them to study. To take it or not, should be the right of the students themselves.
Your writing is quite awkward and hard to follow. You are writing long, complicated sentences. That will not impress the examiner.
You wrote nearly 350 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.
First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.
Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.
Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.
Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.
Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.
Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
Which band in IELTS Writing task 2 could I get for this essay? Please give me some comments. Thank you for your help!
It is undeniable that education system play a vital role in the development of a country. While a number of people argue that further education should be available to only gifted students, I am of the opinion that universities and colleges should provide places for all students.
On the one hand, the idea of giving university education to only bright students may be reasonable to some extent. It is because pursuing a bachelor degree is not an undemanding task, which requires to be handled by those who have a good knowledge background to be able to catch up with advanced and specialized knowledge quickly and effectively. For example, critical decision making and lateral thinking are often performed by intelligent individuals in their practical work. Only accepting good students can make the best use of the higher curriculum and improve educational outcomes, helping create skilled intellectual workers and professionals for the society.
On the other hand, I believe that all students should be entitled to receive further education. Firstly, not only students with good intellectual ability can follow the curriculum of high level, but those who have determination and ability to self-study are also able to make it, yet at a slower pace. Therefore, no students should be restricted to gain access to higher education and pursue their own goals. Moreover, if students who are less capable in academic performance know in advance that there is no hope of studying further, they may feel that there is no point trying to study hard. In other words, giving the chance to attend higher education for all students, which also means the chance to get better job opportunities and possibly higher earning levels in the future, can motivate and turn a poor student into a good one.
To conclude, while it may be feasible that only good students should be accepted to receive further education, I still believe that this chance should be the right of all students and it also encourages them to study. To take it or not, should be the right of the students themselves.
Thank you for your detailed feedbacks. There are some points that I still wonder, I hope you can clear my doubts.
First, in my introduction, I used "further education" because I thought that it also means "university education" or "higher education". Is it right?
Second, in the third paragraph, I wrote "
Moreover, if students who are less capable in academic performance know in advance that there is no hope of studying further, they may feel that there is no point trying to study hard. " What I mean was that "when there is no chance of going to university for less intelligent students, they will not have the motivation to try to study." Should I omit this idea?Thank you for your help!
No. Further education could be an informal course which might award a certificate, such as using Microsoft Office.
Use "tertiary education."
this information will be useful for my future presentation, thanks to the creators of the video