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Certain people opine that nowadays we have so many choices related to goods, work, etc. In my opinion, with the advancement of technology the choices for various things has increased manifold. Although with the increase in comsumption, prices of the products has rise as well, this increase is not much than the salary of people nowadays as compared to the past.

Firstly, with the increase in machinery, manufacturing of goods has risen due to which a large number of commodities are produced. As a result of which, supermarkets are flooded with a huge number of products and these products rarely goes out stock. For instance, in agricultural sector, with the use of improved equipments and chemicals by the farmers, farming is now able to produce a large amount of crops with greater quality.

Secondly, as the population has increased, the demand and supply graph of commodities has also risen which resulted in the increase in competition for same products in the market. As there is a lot of competition, the quality of product has improved so that customers prefer to buy from that particluar company.To illustrate, if we want to purchase noodles from market, we will be provided with many choices of brand such as maggie, yippee noodles, wai-wai noodles and so on.

Finally, apart from choices related to products available in the market, the job opportunites has also increased. This provided people with option to switch jobs if not satisfied with the working conditions or salary. Also, people are paid with high salaries for the same job as compared to the past.

To conclude, with the rise in production of commodities and the companies manufacturing them, the choices for these products has increased. Apart from these choices, nowadays a lot of options related to work are present. However, with the high consumption of natural resources, the products that are obtained from them are declining but people have started producing alternatives for them that will result in the increase in their option as well.

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Certain people think opine (This is a word that is hardly ever used. And it is usually in a formal legal context. ) that nowadays we have so many choices related to goods, work, etc. (Do not use ellipses, "etc." or phrases like "and so on" in formal essays.) In my opinion, with the advancement of technology the choices for various things has increased manifold. (wrong word) Although with the increase in comsumption, prices of the products has rise (wrong form) as well, (wrong punctuation, comma splice error) this increase is not much than the salary (ungrammatical comparative. I do not understand what you are trying to say. ) of people nowadays as compared to the past.


You did not answer the essay prompt. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement?

You must answer clearly with an adverb of extent. e.g.

I completely agree with this statement.
I somewhat agree ...
I partially agree..
I totally disagree....

Next, you did not understand the topic. So you will get a low mark for task completion.

The topic was: Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.

The topic was NOT: Do we have a lot of choices nowadays? - This is the topic you wrote about. It is not the essay topic.
The topic was not about prices or amounts of goods or quality of goods or machinery to produce more. It was about having too many to choose from.

For example, on the supermarket shelves, there are more than twenty brands of noodles, and they are nearly all the same. That is too many. We do not need so many choices for noodles.

On the other hand, there is only one internet service provider in my country. Since there is no competition, they can charge very high prices. In this case, there is not enough choice for consumers. Competition would give us better prices and more options, such as bundling cell phone service, TV service and internet service together at a discounted price.



Firstly, First, with the increase in machinery, manufacturing of goods has risen due to which (awkward ) a large number of commodities (wrong word. A commodity is raw material sold in bulk, such as bushels of wheat and rice, barrels of oil, and bales of cotton.) are produced. As a result of which, supermarkets are flooded with a huge number of products and these products rarely goes (wrong form) out stock. (wrong expression) For instance, in the agricultural sector, with the use of improved equipments (wrong form) and chemicals by the farmers, farming is farms are now able to produce a large amount of crops with greater quality. (Off topic. The topic is about variety and choices, not quantities produced.)

Secondly, Second, as the population has increased, the demand and supply graph of commodities (wrong expression. A graph is a plot on paper. This does not make sense.) has also risen which resulted (wrong form) in the increase in competition for same products in the market. As there is a lot of competition, the quality of product (One product? Which one? wrong form) has improved so that customers prefer to buy from that particluar (Which one? You have not mentioned any company.) company.To illustrate this, if we want to purchase noodles from a store, market, we will be provided with many choices of brand (wrong form) such as maggie, yippee noodles, wai-wai noodles (Brand names are proper nouns and must be capitalized.) and many more. and so on.

Finally, apart from choices related to products available in the market, the job opportunites has (wrong form) also increased. This provided people with option to switch jobs if they are not satisfied with the working conditions or salary. Also, people are paid with high salaries for the same job as compared to the past.

To conclude, with the rise in production of commodities and the companies manufacturing them, the choices for these products has increased. Apart from these choices, nowadays a lot of options related to work are present. However, with the high consumption of natural resources, the products that are obtained from them are declining (Off topic. Also, do not put any new points in the conclusion. Only summarize the arguments in the body paragraphs.) but people have started producing alternatives for them that will result in the increase in their option as well.

Comments  

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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