Sport has already been an arguable incident not only in daily life events, but also in school curriculum. There are numerous dispute over question of this field's requisition, which will be considered now.

First, most of students are just neither genuinely athletic nor rigorous enough to cling to a 3-day a week aerobics, not to mention if this is not their cups of tea. Monthly streaks of being forced to burn the calories will make the student somehow feel annoyed with working out.
Second, charlatan in games are spotted on medias nowadays on a daily basis and hence they can easily influence on the juvenile, which will cause further sequels. Practices may view them as role models, for this reason, they have high chances of going off the rails.
There are still countless positive effects of the pastime that most of us may find it arduous to reject, nonetheless. When sport is no longer considered compulsory, there will be a large amount of student choosing to stay inside without much functioning for the vast majority of time. This rise manifold issues, just to name a few, obesity with laziness.

At the very last, I agree that sport is deserved to be a must in academic timetable, as it can be easily inferred there are great benefits people can gain from it. As long as teenagers can choose which one is the most proper for them, either Maths or marathon running, let them do what they want to under the standard of conducts.

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:


TOPIC:

Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion.


My essay:

(Your text here...)
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You have 253 words. While this is over the minimum, it is better to aim for 260-290 to be safe.
Your vocabulary usage is very very strange. Most of the time, the words do not fit the context or the sentence. You attempt to use some idioms, but they are not correctly used.

I do not understand a lot of your writing. You seemed to stray off-topic. What sports are common for primary and secondary school?


Sport has already been an arguable incident (That is not good English. "incident" is not a good word here.) not only in daily life events, but also in school curriculum. There are numerous dispute over question of this field's requisition, which will be considered now.
(There is no dispute, debate or argument. "Field requisition" makes no sense here. A requisition is an order to buy something.

The topic asks you to give your opinion on the subject. You need to put that as your thesis statement in the first paragraph. What is your opinion?)


First, most of students (incorrect expression - "most students".) are just neither genuinely athletic nor rigorous enough to cling to (wrong vocabulary word) a 3-day a week aerobics, (Aerobics is only one kind of exercise.) not to mention if this is not their cups of tea. (You have used this saying incorrectly.) Monthly streaks (wrong vocabulary word - I don't understand.) of being forced to burn the calories will make the student somehow feel annoyed with working out.
Second, charlatan (wrong word) in games are spotted on medias (wrong word) nowadays on a daily basis and hence they can easily influence on the juvenile, which will cause further sequels. (wrong word) This point is completely off topic. It is about sports as part of the school curriculum, not sports on TV. Practices (wrong word) may view them as role models, (comma splice error) for this reason, they have high chances of going off the rails. (I have no idea what you mean.)

There are still countless positive effects of the pastime (wrong word) that most of us may find it arduous (wrong word) to reject, nonetheless. When sport is no longer considered compulsory, there will be a large amount of student (wrong phrase. Amount is used with non-count things like water and money.) choosing to stay inside without much functioning (wrong word) for the vast majority of time. This rise (wrong word) manifold (wrong word) issues, just to name a few, obesity with laziness.

At the very last, I agree that sport is deserved deserves to be a must in academic timetable, (wrong word) as it can be easily inferred there are great benefits people can gain from it. As long as teenagers can choose which one is the most proper for them, either Maths (Maths is not a sport. It does exercise the brain, though.) or marathon running, (marathon running is not a sport for a school curriculum) let them do what they want to under the standard of conducts. (I have no idea what you mean.)