While some people suppose that looking for a work immediately after graduating high school is the best choice for the senior students now, I side with the option that tertiary education is undeniably the superior pathway for individials to advance in their professional carrer.

There are several benifits of continuous learning. On the one hand, the students are likely to have an access to an amount of job oppotunities. In fact, this means that they will receive a qualification after a process of efforts, which shows that they have the specialised knowledge and practical skills required by many employers. As a result, the quality of life must be better with the lucrative income, promoting in the future, etc.

On the other hand, being at the university or college, a wide range of relationships are certainly expanded. As there are a large amount of ebulient extracurricular activities in that environment, they could have chances to participate in. From that, they are able to take advantage of the oppotunities to learn some skills from the experience of their classmates, teachers and so on. Moreover, having the widely relationships may give them a hand in their carrer in the future.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that it makes more sense for pursuing tertiary education which brings about many possibilities to success with their passion.

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Put it with your answer in the message body.

Also, you did not copy the instructions correctly. The highlighted words are incorrect.


Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: : Some people believe that studying at uni or college is the best route to a successful carrer, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Which view are you agree? Why?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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The highlighted text has mistakes. You need to study vocabulary and natural English phrasing.


While some people suppose that looking for a (Incorrect. "work" is non-count) work immediately after graduating high school is the best choice for the senior students now, I side with the option that tertiary a university education is undeniably the superior pathway for individials to advance in their professional carrer.

There are several benifits of continuous learning. (That is not the topic. "Continuing education" / "Continuous learning" refers to courses taken by adults who are interested in learning about a subject, but not in getting a degree.) On the one hand, the students are likely to have an access to an amount (awkward) of job oppotunities. In fact, this means that they will receive a qualification (wrong word) after a process of efforts, (wrong expression) which shows that they have the specialised knowledge and practical skills required by many employers. As a result, the quality of life must be better with the lucrative income, promoting in the future, etc. (Do not use ellipses, "etc." or phrases such as "and so on" in formal essays.)

On the other hand, being at a the university or college, a wide range of relationships are certainly expanded. (I do not understand this. It is unnatural.) As there are a large amount of ebulient (wrong word) extracurricular activities in that environment, (wrong word) they could have chances to participate in. (That is not a sentence, but a fragment.) From that, they are able to take advantage of the oppotunities to learn some skills from the experience of their classmates, teachers and so on. (Do not use ellipses, "etc." or phrases such as "and so on" in formal essays.) Moreover, having the widely (wrong word) relationships may give them a hand in their carrer in the future.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that it makes more sense for pursuing to pursue a university tertiary education which brings about many possibilities to success (wrong word) succeed. with their passion. (unnatural. This does not make sense.)