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When discussing about the successful future, there is an opinion that continue studying career in university or college can help them gain a high salary job. But others think it can not better than starting working forward after high school. In my point of view, both ways have they own advantages, but the first one is better than the second.


Firstly, study in higher level bring back many positive affects for the bachelors like they can be trained carefully by professional teacher from many aspects. So, they can know deeply the theories of their major subject and use it for future jobs. For example, a research from National Economics University showed that 80% of excellent student from that school achieved a good job with flying salary after graduated. The recuiretor of some famous international company like KPMG, EY, Deloitte, said they want a bachelor has been trained from A to Z because he/she has a thick background to make huge profit, even he/she just a newbie. And continue follow the learning career can provide some wonderful opportunities like broaden the cycle of relationship with intelligence people, get the access to enormous knowledgeable from schools ‘library, take the Introduction Letter from professors in order to study abroad.


Secondly, getting job straight also create positive chances for workers. They can start earning money to afford they hobbies and life, that is an evidence of the independent and becoming adults. The greatest benefit is they can gain meaningful experiences from reality and have strong backgrounds than students who lack of practical lessons at school. The famous example of that kind of people is Bill Gate. He left the university on the first year and began working afterward. The history proved that his choice was right when his product became familiar over the world and made him become the richest man at that time. His story is the inspiration for million youngsters to follow and set out a fact that “University is not the only way lead to succeed”.


So, both of this opinion have right side. But if I have to choose, I will consider studying in university because it is the safer choice and have more beneficial than others one.

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When discussing about the a successful future, there is an opinion that continue studying career (wrong word. People do not make careers of studying. People do not get a salary for doing this.) in university or college can help them gain a high salary job. But others think it can not better than (ungrammatical. ) starting working forward (wrong word.) after high school. In my point of view, both ways have they (wrong word.) own advantages, but the first one is better than the second.


Firstly, First, study in a university higher level bring (wrong form.) back many positive affects (wrong word. - affect is a verb.) for the bachelors (wrong word. A bachelor is an unmarried male.) like they can be trained carefully by professional teacher (wrong form.) from many aspects. So, they can know deeply understand the theories of their major subject and use it for in their future jobs. For example, a research (Research is not countable. ) from National Economics University showed that 80% of excellent student (wrong form.) from that school achieved were offered a good job with flying (wrong word. Only birds can fly, or airplanes.) salary after graduated. The recuiretor (Is there one recruiter for all of these companies?) of some famous international company like KPMG, EY, Deloitte, (wrong expression; missing conjunction.) said they want a bachelor has been trained (ungrammatical, wrong words.) from A to Z because he/she they have has a thick (wrong word.) background to make huge ("huge" is a baby's word. Avoid it in academic writing.) profit, even he/she just a newbie. (ungrammatical,) And continue follow the learning career (ungrammatical) can provide some wonderful opportunities like broaden (wrong form.) the cycle (wrong word .) of relationship with intelligence (wrong word - intelligence is a noun, not an adjective.) people, get the access to enormous knowledgeable (wrong words. Knowledgeable is an adjective, not a noun) .)from schools ‘library, take the Introduction Letter from professors in order to study abroad. (That sentence is not grammatical. It has a missing conjunction)


Secondly, Second, (That is not a good transition, because you are going to argue the opposite view. Use first, second, and third for arguments of the same position or opinion.) getting a job straight after high school graduation also create positive chances (wrong word.) for workers. They can start earning money to afford they (wrong word.) hobbies and life, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence) that is an evidence of the becoming an independent adult. and becoming adults. The greatest benefit is that they can gain meaningful experiences from reality and have strong backgrounds than (Ungrammatical - you must have a comparative with "than" e.g. Jane is taller than Tom. Kelly is more intelligent than Rick. You do not have any comparative form.) students who lack of practical lessons at school. The famous example of that kind of people is Bill Gate. (That is not his name.) He left the university on the in his first year and began working afterward. The history proved that his choice was right when his product became familiar over the world and made him become the richest man at that time. His story is the inspiration for a million youngsters (wrong word .) to follow and set out a fact the saying that “University is not the only way lead to succeed”.


So, both of this (wrong word.) opinion (wrong form.) have right side. (wrong expressions.) But if I have to choose, I will consider studying in university because it is the safer choice and have (wrong form.) more beneficial (wrong word.) than the other others one.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic:

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


My essay:

(Your text here...)
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