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Nowadays,team sports are a prevailing problem in the world. Some think that team sports are crucial for the success of children in their career. Meanwhile, other people disagree. I think both opinions have several reasons. This essay will explain them.
On the one hand, team sports are suitable to approach thinking skills of children which relate to the success of their career. Team sports support and inspire a deeper knowledge about thinking skills and logical strategies.Therefore, children can bring things which they learn in their team as meaningful experiences in order to achieve their goal. It is obvious that Vietnamese government always encourage children to participate in team sports which help children strengthen the development of thinking skills which are acquired their success. Children have many chances to have a bright future.
However, apart from the benefits of team sports, this have some disadvantage which parents wanna prevent. It is true that Children are not old enough to handle severe problem in their team. Team sports do not always have a cooperation and harmony among members. Therefore, It leads to the competition and discussion of team. Moreover, most children can spend time-consuming task and filter out ideas on their thinking skill to apply for the success of their career. For example,in Vietnam, scientists investigated a football team that most member who are children gain a bit experiences and misunderstand together without the guidance of adult.
In conclusion, team sports play important role for the knowledge which serve the success of children in their career. However, this way have some drawback for them.

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You need to work on your vocabulary. Many words are not used correctly. You wrote "thinking skills" four times, but I do not think you know what it means.

Also, you did not give your opinion in the first paragraph. You lose points for that.



Nowadays,team sports are a prevailing problem in the world. (That is a rather strange claim. Are the players criminals? Do they destroy the environment? Do the team sports cause wars or poverty?) Some think that team sports are crucial for the success of children in their career. Meanwhile, other people disagree. I think both opinions have several reasons. (That makes no sense.) This essay will explain them.

Do not mention your essay in an academic essay. The essay prompt asked for your opinion. You did not give an opinion.Write your opinion. That is your thesis statement.

On the one hand, team sports are suitable to approach (wrong word.) Approach means to get closer to. It is not a good word here.) thinking skills of children which relate to the success of their career. Team sports support and inspire a deeper knowledge about thinking skills (That makes no sense.) and logical strategies.Therefore, children can bring things which they learn in their team as meaningful experiences in order to achieve their goal. It is obvious that the Vietnamese government always encourage children to participate in team sports which help children strengthen the development of thinking skills (This is the third time you repeat this phrase. Repetition means a lower score..) which are acquired (wrong word. It makes no sense here.) their success. Children have many chances to have a bright future.
However, apart from the benefits of team sports, this have (wrong form) some disadvantage which parents wanna (Wanna is not a word.) prevent. It is true that (Avoid this phrase. The reader will think that you do not tell the truth.) Children are not old enough to handle severe problem (wrong form.) in their team. Team sports do not always have a cooperation and harmony among members. Therefore, It (wrong capitalization.) leads to the competition and discussion (wrong word.) of team. Moreover, most children can spend time-consuming task and filter out ideas on their thinking skill (wrong usage. It makes no sense..) to apply (wrong word.) for the success of their career. For example,in Vietnam, scientists investigated a football team that most member (wrong form.) who are children gain a bit experiences and misunderstand together without the guidance of adult.
(That makes no sense.)

In conclusion, team sports play important role for the knowledge which serve the success of children in their career. However, this way have some drawback (wrong form.) for them.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree.Discuss both views and give your opinion.


My essay:

(Your text here...)
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