In today’s world, some people argue that public museums and art galleries are unnecessary as people can learn about historical relics and artworks by accessing the Internet. From my perspective, I totally disagree with this statement for some reasons.
There are a few compelling reasons why museums and art galleries are important. The first and most vital reason is that countries can use these locations as tourist attractions to improve the national economy. In particular, the vast revenue from selling tickets to foreign and domestic visitors would contribute a huge amount of money to the budget of government. Moreover, museums and artwork galleries can effectively promote local culture and history to overseas tourists and this would enhance local tourism. Therefore, the authority can heavily invest in key fields such as health, education, and social services.
Another reason is that museums and art exhibitions can be used for educational purposes. Students would have opportunities to observe famous historical objects and ancient painting collections in real life thus they are able to obtain a lot of cultural and historical understanding. For instance, Vietnam National Museum contains many rare documentaries and valuable artifacts which do not exist on the Internet, students can come and find essential information for their research or assignments.
To summarize, museums and art galleries play a crucial role in the economy as well as education of various countries because they bring the government a large revenue and support students in providing reliable sources of knowledge. For those benefits, it is clear that these locations should not be disappeared in the future.
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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay
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Topic: Copy the essay instructions accurately here.
My essay:
(Your text here...)
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In today’s world, some people argue that public museums and art galleries are unnecessary as people can learn about historical objects relics and artworks by accessing the Internet. From my perspective, (Disagree is a perspective, so this phrase is redundant. Delete.) I totally disagree with this statement because of their tremendous value in education and tourism. (That is a great thesis statement. It leads directly to the body paragraphs.) for some reasons.
There are a few compelling reasons why museums and art galleries are important. (That is not a good topic sentence for this paragraph because you are only going to develop one reason.) The first and most vital reason is First, that countries can use these locations as tourist attractions to improve the national economy. In particular, the vast revenue from selling tickets to foreign and domestic local visitors would contribute a significant huge ("Huge" is a baby word. Learn higher-level words.) amount of money to the budget of government. Moreover, museums and artwork galleries can effectively promote local culture and history to overseas tourists and this would enhance local tourism. And it is not simply ticket sales; visitors will stay in hotels, eat in local restaurants, buy souvenirs and pay premium prices for taxis and local transportation. For example, my friend's father is a taxi driver. During the tourist season he makes a lot of extra money from tips and he enjoys the opportunity to practice his English as he talks about art, history and best sightseeing places with his fares. Therefore, (wrong transition word) the authority can heavily This additional income can be invested invest in key fields such as health, education, and social services. (This last sentence is not focused n the topic. )
(You need to develop the idea about money from tourism. That adds richness to your essay, and you can safely delete verbosity without worrying about a low word count. You can also give a particular example, such as I have written here. It can be something you make up, but it has to be believable and credible. .)
Another reason is that museums and art exhibitions can be used for educational purposes. Students would have opportunities to observe famous historical objects and ancient painting collections in person; real life thus they are able to obtain a lot of cultural and historical understanding. For instance, Vietnam National Museum contains many rare documents documentaries (A documentary is a film or video.) and valuable artifacts which whose images do not exist on the Internet, (Comma splice error. Ungrammatical sentence.) students can come and find essential information for their research or assignments. Last year I had an assignment on Henri Huet, a French photographer who worked in Vietnam during the 1950s, and I found valuable information in this museum that was not online.
To summarize, museums and art galleries play a crucial role in the economy as well as education of various countries because they bring the government a large revenue and support students in providing reliable sources of knowledge. For those benefits, it is clear that (Delete. These dummy-it clauses are useless and annoying for the reader. They detract from the main point of the sentence.) these locations should not be disappeared (wrong word) in the future.
Thanks for your advice!
1. So it's okay to add a personal example?
2.'' For instance, Vietnam National Museum contains many rare documents
documentaries(A documentary is a film or video.) ''Actually, I want to write that this museum shows rare historical films for visitors.
A good, relevant personal example is great for developing your idea and satisfying the word count.
Use "films". "Documentaries" is a more contemporary term and is a subset of the general genre of film. Film goes back a century.