Moving toward the 21st century, a large number of people are nowadays expressing a deeply growing concern about the advertisement of companies in sports. Some hold firmly to their belief that some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. However, others argue that there are disadvantages to companies.

There’re two main views that some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. First of all, it’s well known the fact that advertisements in sports can help companies have strong access to audiences who are following these sports. The most obvious example to prove is that audiences automatically remember the logo or company branch in their mind without watching a piece of a daily advertisement on TV. And there is no doubt that the sponsor spending is much cheaper than an advertisement on the gold time frame on TV. The companies will have a better image in the audiences’ minds.

Even though some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves but there’re two main points that some companies sponsor sports will take disadvantages for themselves. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that some companies don’t receive a lot of benefits from this supporter act. A clear example is found to prove is that they don’t approach the exact audience who have real consumption of their products. And there’s no denying that almost the audiences don’t care about detailed products because they see only logos or branch of companies. Their most focusing is what happing in sports matches.

In conclusion, it’s my strong belief that companies should combine both sponsors and advertisements on TV or other channels to have the best effective result so they can deduce spending and increase volume.

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Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: : Some companies sponnsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both of sides and give your opinion. Be sure to copy the instructions accurately. Yours has a couple of errors.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Moving toward the 21st century, a large number of people are nowadays expressing a deeply growing concern about the advertisement of companies in sports. (There is nothing in the topic, or even in the real world that advertisements in athletic competitions bothers a large number of people. When you open an essay, write something that is plausible or true from you own knowledge or experience. Do not memorize a answer. ) Some hold firmly to their belief that some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. (That is not a belief. IT is a fact. The "belief" relates to if it is good or bad for companies to do this.) However, others argue that there are disadvantages to companies.

(You did not state your opinion. The examiner is looking in your first paragraph for your correct response to the prompt. The prompt says "Give your opinion."

Here is an appropriate opening:

Form the Olympic Games to football matches to motor car racing, large companies, especially international ones, sponsor teams or individual athletes to advertise their brands to the public. Some athletes wear patches on their shirts representing the company logo. Even though the practice is extremely popular, some still believe it is not advantageous. The companies themselves obviously believe it is good for the bottom line, or the would not do it. As for myself, I believe that it is an excellent idea.

)

There’re (Do not use contractions in a formal essay.) two main views that some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. First of all, it’s well known the fact (or "it is a well-known fact...") that advertisements in sports can help companies have strong access to the audiences who are following these sports. The most obvious example to prove this is that audiences automatically remember the logo or company name branch in their mind ("Remember" means "keep in mind" Do not use "in one's mind" with "remember." It is redundant.) without watching a piece of a daily advertisement on TV. And there is no doubt that the sponsor spending is much cheaper than an advertisement on the gold time frame prime time on TV. The companies will have a better image in the audiences’ minds.

Even though some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves but there’re two main ways that this can lead to a disadvantage. points that some companies sponsor sports will take disadvantages for themselves. (This is unnatural English. We can take advantage of a situation. There is no such phrase as "take a disadvantage"...) First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that some companies don’t receive a lot of benefits from supporting a particular team. this supporter act. A clear example is found to prove this is that they don’t approach (wrong word) the exact audience who actually purchase have real consumption of their products. And there’s no denying that almost the audiences don’t care about specific detailed products because they see only logos or the branch of companies names. Their most They are focusing on is what happing in sports matches.

In conclusion, it’s my strong belief that companies should combine both sponsorship sponsors and advertisements on TV or other channels to have the best effective result so they can deduce (wrong word) spending and increase sales volume.