It is a common belief that nursing homes are the best place for the elderly. However, I do not concur with this statement and I believe that they should live with their blood relatives because family members are responsible for taking care of them and they will live happier when living with their relatives for the rest of their life.
To begin with, family members must be responsible for caring for their parents and grandparents. In childhood, children were nurtured and educated by their parents, and parents devoted their time, effort, and even youth to bringing kids up. When parents get older, children must have an obligation to look after them back. For example, there are numerous extended families in Vietnam where multi generations live together under the same roof and it is a chance for family members to show love and care for their parents and grandparents.
On top of that, the elderly will live happier when living with their family members. When living with their blood relatives, bonds and relationships among members make them feel positive and peaceful. While living at senior homes, the old get lonely and feel abandoned which raises the high rate of experiencing sickness in their old age. According to a recent survey, the elderly tend to have higher life expectancy when they live with their blood relatives and are treated well. This demonstrates how essential relationships with family members are to help the old live happier.
To sum up, family members should have responsibility for caring for their parents and grandparents and the old will live happier when living with their relatives. For these reasons, it is clear that the elderly should live with their blood relatives for the rest of their life.
Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.
Subject: Please review my IELTS essay
Message body:
Topic: Copy the essay instructions accurately here.
My essay:
(Your text here...)
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It is a common belief (That means that nearly everyone has this opinion.
e.g.
It is a common belief that wearing a mask when shopping during a pandemic is a good idea.
It is a common belief that students should not drop out of high school. )
Some people think that nursing homes are the best place for the elderly. However, I do not concur with this (The pronoun "this" is fine. Also, use "them" when you have written about what others think.) statement and I believe that they should live with their blood relatives because family members are responsible for taking care of them and they will be live happier when living with their relatives for the rest of their life.
To begin with, family members must be responsible for caring for their parents and grandparents. In childhood, children were nurtured and educated by their parents, and parents devoted their time, effort, and even youth to bringing them kids up. When parents get older, children must have an obligation to look after them back. For example, there are numerous extended families in Vietnam where multiple generations live together under the same roof and it is a chance for family members to show love and care for their parents and grandparents.
On top of that, the elderly will be live happier when living with their family members. When living with their blood relatives, bonds and relationships among members make them feel positive and peaceful. While living at senior homes, the old get lonely and feel abandoned which raises the possibility of them getting sick high rate of experiencing sickness in their old age. According to a recent survey, the elderly tend to have a higher life expectancy when they live with their blood relatives and are treated well. This demonstrates how essential relationships with family members are to help the old people live happier lives.
To sum up, family members should have responsibility for caring for their parents and grandparents and the old will live be happier and healthier when living with their relatives. For these reasons, it is clear that the elderly should live with their blood relatives for the rest of their life.
Your English is very good.
You can improve by learning not to repeat words, phrases and ideas a lot.
That will come with practice.
Learn the difference between a "blood relative" and a "relative.'
For example,
Anh marries Dinh. They have a daughter, Lien and they adopt a son, Hieu. Hieu marries Ngoc and Lien marries Phuoc.
Hieu, Ngoc and Phuoc are not blood relatives of Anh or Dinh. They are relatives by marriage or adoption. We normally do not use the phrase "blood relatives." because of this distinction, We use "close relative" which includes people related by adoption or marriage. - parents, siblings, cousins, in-laws, and aunts or uncles.
Thanks for your help !!!