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( this is a topic from IELTS writing task 2 , please evaluate my essay and give me a conspicuous band )

My essay :

At first glance it seems very difficult to draw a quick conclusion of whether a wide range of environmental challenges that we have been confronted are beyond the ability of average persons. After serious consideration, while I assume the environmental adversities are difficult to resolve , I would also argue that there are several solutions that human can probably adopt to enhance the environment. Admittedly, it is reasonable for indiviuals who would debate that these problems are out of human-controlled. First of all, every year people have to face numerous nature disasters such as flood , hurricane, Tsunami or earthquake so I consider it is impossible to prevent the anger of the nature ' s mother.Furthermore, there are variety of human-caused damages which are not easy to improve. For example, the oil spill which has been known as the large-scale suffocation of marine lives. Nevertheless, citizens can adopt various solutions for augment the environment health. Firstly, people could enhance their own awareness for preserving our plannet because the conscious is a crucial factor which can dominate our behaviour. Secondly, we should discourage private cars instead of that people can encourage public transports for limitating the vehicles' smog which can hover over and around our metropolises in order to cause the respiratory diseases and the air-pollution. Moreover, human can reduce disposable products and high-carbon goods because these items are hard to decay and harmful for the environment well-being. From what has been discussed above , I could safely come to the assumption that while I agree there are various environmental challenges that human-kind could not fight against , I would simultaneously argue that human can get several daily action to enhance the negative health conditions of the environment.( this is a topic from IELTS writing task 2 , please evaluate my essay and give me a conspicuous band )
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Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Some people think environmental problems are too big for indiviuals to solve. Others, however, think that those problems cannot be solved unless indiviuals take some action. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Also, all essays must be divided into paragraphs.

Paragraph 1: Introduction

Paragraph 2-3 or 4: Body paragraphs with your arguments.

Last paragraph: Conclusion.

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I have highlighted the text with mistakes or errors. The primary problem is incorrect word usage.


At first glance it seems very difficult to draw a quick conclusion of whether a wide range of environmental challenges that we have been confronted are beyond the ability of average persons. After serious consideration, while I assume the environmental adversities are difficult to resolve , I would also argue that there are several solutions that people  human can probably adopt to enhance the environment. Admittedly, it is reasonable for indiviuals who would debate that these problems are out of human-controlled. First of all, every year people have to face numerous nature disasters such as flood , hurricanes, Tsunami or earthquake so I consider it is impossible to prevent the anger of the nature ' s mother.Furthermore, there are a variety of human-caused damages which are not easy to improve. For example, the oil spill which has been known as the large-scale suffocation of marine lives. Nevertheless, citizens can adopt various solutions for augment the environment health. Firstly, First, people could raise  enhance their own awareness of measures they could take to preserve for  preserving our plannet because the conscious is a crucial factor which can dominate our behaviour. Secondly, Second, we should discourage private cars and instead of that people can encourage public transports for limitating the vehicles' smog which can hover over and around our metropolises cities in order to cause the respiratory diseases and the air-pollution. Moreover, human can reduce disposable products and high-carbon goods because these items are hard to decay and harmful for the environment's well-being. From these arguments what has been discussed above , I could safely come to the assumption that while I agree there are various environmental challenges that human-kind could not fight against , I would simultaneously argue that human can get several daily action to enhance the negative health conditions of the environment.