Nowadays, there is an argument among people about the importance of employees at work. Some believe that their workers should wear smart. Meanwhile, others claim that the value quality of work is much more important than clothes. From my point of view, I partly agree with this opinion and in this assignment, I will show that both two opinions have their own reasons.

To begin with, it can not be denied that office clothing always has to be appropriate for the workplace. To exemplify, imagining at a workplace required the fully precise and exceptionally clean like hospitals, the doctors wear the same clothes which they use to go to the club instead of scrubs when taking part in surgery, it is undeniably unacceptable. Or when a person has to attend a meeting that is really pivotal to decide whether a contract will be signed or not then he appears in the conference with a sleepwear, it is not surprising that the cooperation comes to its end. Hence, I strongly have faith in the point that in different events, the employees must dress appropriate clothes which depend on that situation.

On the flip side, the work cloth did vital in office, however, it is not the whole factor that can lead a company to big success. Further and more importantly, the success of a company also will be evaluated by the quality of work. According to statistics, in someplace that focus on creation and artistic development like marketing companies, companies that allow workers to dress comfortable and suitable clothes witness much more effective in work than those who have strict rules about office clothing. Concretely, it is believed that the more cozy and comfortable clothing the worker wearing, the more concentration they give during working hours. Therefore, the effective and efficient quality of works goes higher.

In a nutshell, as every coin has two sides, this opinion both has its pros and cons. From my point of view, I believe that the employers should treasure and consider carefully not only what clothing that their workers dress at work but also the outstanding performance the employees give to have a comprehensive overview of their employees.

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:


Topic: Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own... Please copy the essay instructions completely.


My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Thao Nguyen 3499Nowadays, there is an argument among people about the importance of employees at work.

You did not state the topic correctly.

There is no argument. This is only about an opinion.

The topic is not about working from home or the importance of employees being at work in the office.

This sentence is off-topic.

Thao Nguyen 3499Some believe that their workers should wear smart.

That is not good English. We wear shoes, hats, coats, dresses and jeans. We do not wear smart.

Thao Nguyen 3499 Meanwhile, others claim that the value quality of work is much more important than clothes.

That is almost correct.

Meanwhile, others claim that the value quality of work they do is much more important than the clothes they wear.

Thao Nguyen 3499From my point of view, I partly agree with this opinion and in this assignment, I will show that both two opinions have their own reasons.

"Agree" is a point of view. Do not use "agree" and "from my point of view" together in the same sentence.

I partly agree with this opinion. 

For this kind of essay, you are asked to take one side or the other, not both sides. So you did not answer the essay question very well. Other essays ask "To what extent do you agree?" In that kind of essay, you can be in the middle.


Do not mention your assignment.
Do not mention your essay.

Also, "both" and "two" cannot go together.

People always have reasons for their opinions, no matter what the subject.

Do not write "the people on both sides have their own reasons." That is not saying anything of consequence.


To begin with, it can not be denied that office clothing what people wear at work always has to be appropriate for the workplace. To exemplify, imagining (wrong verb form. You need the imperative form here.) at a workplace required (wrong verb form. You need the present participle form here.) the fully precise and exceptionally clean like hospitals, (You have lost control of the sentence structure here. Your ideas are good, but you must write simpler sentences.) the doctors wear the same clothes which they use to go to the club instead of scrubs when taking part in surgery, (Comma splice error) it is undeniably unacceptable. Or when a person has to attend a meeting that is really pivotal to decide whether a contract will be signed or not then he appears in the conference with a sleepwear, (Incorrect phrasing.) it is not surprising that the cooperation comes to its end. Hence, I strongly have faith in the point that in different events, (State your opinion only in the first paragraph and the conclusion. The body paragraphs are to present your justification.) the employees must dress in appropriate clothes which depend on that situation.

On the flip side, the work cloth did vital in office, (That is not good English. Cloth is fabric. Clothes are made from cloth. You also have another comma splice error, and an ungrammatical sentence.) however, it is not the whole only factor that can lead a company to big success. Further and more importantly, the success of a company also will be evaluated by (wrong verb) the quality of work. According to statistics, in someplace (wrong word) that focus on creation and artistic development like marketing companies, companies that allow workers to dress in comfortable and suitable clothes are witness much more effective in work than those who have strict rules about office clothing. Concretely,(wrong word) it is believed that the more cozy and comfortable clothing the worker wearing, (wrong form) the more concentration they (wrong pronoun) give during working hours. Therefore, the effective and efficient quality of works (wrong form ) goes up. higher.

In a nutshell, as every coin has two sides, (Do not use such clichés in formal essays.) this opinion both (incorrect. One opinion cannot be "both") has its pros and cons. (Opinions do not have pros and cons. Decisions do, because there can be good and bad consequences.) From my point of view, I believe that the employers should treasure and consider carefully not only what clothing that their workers wear dress at work but also the outstanding performance the employees give to have a comprehensive overview of their employees.(That does not make any sense. )

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