I was bored and I had inspiration (but not enough Emotion: big smile). So, I wrote this text:

Sometimes I discover a fear deep in my heart
but I hide it so well that I can't see his face.
I feel that I lose myself in the tracks of my mind.
My soul is a desert where the rain has no effect.
Is it worthy the rain, even in the desert?
But the life needs the rain.
Without the rain, the desert becomes bigger.
Is this the reason why I don't face myself, deep inside me?
Is this the reason why my logic fights back my soul
and she tries to defeat her so I cannot hurt my feelings anymore?
This battle isn't fair. No one has ever won.
In any case, at the very end you will lose.
Or this is how it has to be done?
Or this battle is fair and we are the one who are unfair
because we want to win by retreating?
Another one fear which creates to me illusions,
and obligates me to hide me from myself, so I can't see
But I don't know where I have to look at anymore...
The fear change its face everyday, so I can't recognise it
but he is there, in every single movement I do,
and he determines my actions
and force me to suspect everything, keep my distance from everything
even from the same the fear.
But how can you win something if you don't face it?
Why I feel so lonely from myself when I am so lonely with me?
What is, finally, this which create the distance?
So many questions and so few answers.
Despite that, so many times I feel that there is nothing to think of.

Could you help me find out my mistakes? This text was written after midnight. Emotion: smile
G'day Myle,

I would be happy to give it a shot after you have left the poem for a month or so and then gone back to it yourself to polish it.

At the moment it is too rough a draft.

Att he moment it is too dense and may be more accessable if you need to break it up into stanzas.

Good luck


Interesting poem. Emotion: smile

My two cents: Don't treat it like an essay. You don't need complete sentences. Also, less is more.

Hope this helps.