My mother, Mary Johnson spends most of her nights working as a licensed Pratical Nurse in a ling -term care facility. She is a part time student at a community college where she plans to enroll in the associate degree nursing progrm. My mother is the grandmother of three boys, and she keeps one of them. My mother reminds me of a quiet storm because she quietly moves forward but there is no evidence that she has been there. Despite all the things she does and the gentleness of her spirit, she has an unwanted partner that goes by the name" The Silent Killer", high blood pressure.
I began my interview by asking question that I thought would be helpful in finding information about my research paper. I had three main question:How did she find out she have high blood pressure? Have she had it since her second child? and Have high blood pressure every force her to go into the hospital?
Betty's answers , " I learned I had high blood pressure when I was pregnant with my second child." I had gone for prenatal car when the doctor suspected I had high blood pressure. He told me to get plenty of rest and when I sat down to make sure my feet were elevated on a footstool. I did as the doctor instructed me to, but when I went back to the doctor for a follow up on my blood pressure and prenatal care, my blood pressure was still high and I ended up being admitted into the hospital. The hospital kept me in a dimly lit room wher it was quiet. Whenever the nurse would awaken me. I could see my food but did not remember if I had eaten it or not. When I was discharged I remember feeling as if I was a pinchushion that had been in the hospital for a couple days, but in actuality I had been in the hospital for two weeks.
After the childbirth she kept all doctor appointments because her blood pressure remained high. She is still plagued with hypertension every day; therefore she eats a low fat, low sodium diet, and keeps her weight under controll. She walkds at least three times a week and take her prescribed medication, Norvasc 10 mg once daily. " I pray to God for healing and strength." she says
Since her children's chances of getting high blood pressue is increase, she wants them to know and take the proper steps in keeping themselves health and keep their blood pressure under control. She points out how if affects the internal organs, especially the kidneys. High blood pressure can lead to end stage renal failur, stroke, or heart attack. She often brings home literature on high blood that she thinks will be helpful.

In conclusion based on the information that my mother has give me and the sources I have read, I learned a lot more than I did before the interview.
Daniel,

I likely won't review your essay this evening. I might be able to review it tomorrow afternoon.

Can you tell me what grade you are in?

In looking over your essay, your first paragraph is the weakest. You might try to rewrite that paragraph. It appears to be a bit disjointed. The following sentence, in particular, seems odd and out of place. "My mother is the grandmother of three boys, and she keeps one of them." Do you mean that one of her grandchildren lives with her? In any event, have a look at first paragraph more closely.

The remaining paragraphs require only subtle adjustments. On the whole, your essay is good.

If others are able to provide some guidance to Daniel, please do.

MountainHiker
Daniel,

I likely won't review your essay this evening. I might be able to review it tomorrow afternoon.

Can you tell me what grade you are in?

In looking over your essay, your first paragraph is the weakest. You might try to rewrite that paragraph. It appears to be a bit disjointed. The following sentence, in particular, seems odd and out of place. "My mother is the grandmother of three boys, and she keeps one of them." Do you mean that one of her grandchildren lives with her? In any event, have a look at first paragraph more closely. See ifyou can make the sentences flow together more smoothly.

The remaining paragraphs require only subtle adjustments. On the whole, your essay is good.

If others are able to provide some guidance to Daniel, please do.

MountainHiker
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I am attend a junior college and my professor grades kind of difficult, so if you can please suggest me some ideas and write back. To: MountainHiker
My mother Mary Johnson is like a lot of mothers. She has a busy career and a hectic schedule outside of work. She is a practical nurse at a long-term care facility and is also a nursing student at a local community college where she plans to obtain her associate nursing degree. Besides her busy career she also takes care of X children, including one of her three grandchildren. Yet, what separates my mother from most women is not her busy career and schedule, but rather it is her disease high blood pressure—also known as “The Silent Killer.”

I recently asked my mother three questions so that I could learn more about her disease. First, How did she learn that she had high blood pressure; two, How long has she had high blood pressure; and three, Has high blood pressure ever caused her to go to the hospital.

My mother told me that she learned she had high blood pressure when she was pregnant with her second child. She had gone for prenatal care when the doctor suspected that she had high blood pressure. The doctor provided some instructions to follow but my mother still had high blood pressure when she went for a follow-up visit. At that time, she was admitted to hospital where she stayed in a very quiet and dimly lit room. During that period, when the nurses had awoken her, she could not recall if she had eaten yet or not. And when she was discharged, she initially thought she had been in hospital for only a couple days when in fact she had been in hospital for two weeks.

The high blood pressure disease has remained with my mother since her second pregnancy. She visits the doctor regularly and is still plagued by hypertension. To help address the hypertension she eats a low fat, low sodium diet, and tries to maintain her weight at a healthy level. She also walks at least three times a week and takes her prescribed medication. "I pray to God for healing and strength," she says

Since her children's chances of getting high blood pressure are increased, she wants them to know about the disease and take the proper steps to remain healthy and to keep their blood pressure at a proper level. She discussed how the disease affects the internal organs, especially the kidneys. High blood pressure can lead to end stage renal failure, stroke, or heart attack. She often brings home literature on high blood that she thinks will be helpful.

All her children are hopeful that my mother continues to be successful in fighting her disease and we are thankful for her love, devotion, and care she continues to show us.



Comments:

1) I am not sure that the preamble in paragraph one is necessary. This essay is really about your mother’s disease high blood pressure. Anything that does not address high blood pressure is tangential to your main points.

2) The three questions are asked, but they are answered in a haphazard manner. They are not answered in the same sequence as they are asked. Rather than stating the questions are: 1)….2)….and 3)…. You might be better to “blend” the questions together as a general seeking of information.

3) You need to watch your spelling. Be careful.

4) Your prior essay didn’t end gracefully. It just sort of stopped. You need think of your structure before writing.

5) This essay too lacks structure too. It introduces you mom, talks about three questions, answers three questions and then discusses what she is doing about her disease and finally that the children wish her well. You might be better structure it as: 1) My mom has a grave disease. 2) Here is how she learned of her disease and the impact it has had on her life (hospital, treatments). 3) This is how she is managing to cope with her disease (prevention, diet, exercise). 4) Her children are grateful to her for all that she has done in the face of her adversity. Notice that we don’t even bother to introduce the questions in this revised format. We just go on and discuss the information.

I can’t and won’t rewrite your essay more than I have already. I don’t know your topic well enough to write it. And second, this is your essay, so all I can do is help around the edges.

I hope this helps.

MountainHiker