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Hi

Would you say that these lines (as the start of a short story) are natural English? Any suggestions please?

Sono's grandmother was an enigma with innumerable secrets buried in her chest—the very frail chest that was infected more often than not. Before her death, the poor lady spitted phlegm and blood morning, noon and night and was in a miserable state.

Thanks,

Tom

Comments  
Mr. TomSono's grandmother was

The reader thinks you are using the narrative past and that the old lady is still alive.

Mr. Toman enigma

Maybe so, but what you go on to say has nothing enigmatic about it.

Mr. Tomwith innumerable secrets buried in her chest

Secrets are not normally buried in a chest. A pirate's chest, maybe.

Mr. Tomvery

When you are done writing your story, do a global search and delete on "very".

Mr. Tomspitted

spat

Mr. Tomspitted

That's not good and should be spat.