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Is it right to begin like this:

You may not believe in me but it was true. I saw a robbery yesterday!

Plus, any problem with this sentence? Please correct if there's any mistakes.

I was in my car while Mom was searching for a cap for my brother. She parked the car near the Henrys meat shop.

Many many thanks for helping! T_T
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You may not believe me but it was true. I saw a robbery yesterday! ('in' is not needed)

I was in my car while Mom was searching for a cap for my brother. She parked the car near Henry's meat shop. ('the' is not needed)
Comments  
Many thanks, Woodward! ^o^