Hello everyone, I hope all of you are having a nice day. In here I wanted to share a story that I wrote. As you see, I need criticism for this story before going further.
A little girl with a white gown stared down at the gravestones. As she passed each one of them she placed a chrysanthemum to each one.
" Did you know them? " A woman with a long dark dress came out of the shadows.
" No.... " The little girl looked down, her brown hair covering her elegant green eyes.
" Then why are you putting flowers in these graves? " The dark lady stared down the girl with pity.
The sound tone of the lady had made the little girl but she tried to remain cold blooded.
" Each flower has a meaning, chrysanthemum are for memorials ! "
The little girl handed a bright yellow flower to the lady.
The lady moved her pale blue lips " What is your name? "
" Lily! " The girl giggled.
" It's a pleasure to meet you Lily...I'm Death... "
" Death...! That's a weird name! " Lily chirped. " Do you know someone called Life? " she stared at Death in excitement.
" No... I guess not... " Death muttered.
" I never thought of that..." Death looked at Lily weirded out.
< To be Continued >
As you see it is not finished yet and I'm sorry If I did any mistakes, english is not my native language. Thanks for anyone who spent their time to read this, I appreciate it a lot.
Comments
This is very good, very creative. I'm a native English speaker in the US, and I can't write creatively to save my life (I can't get past: "It was a dark and stormy night...").
There are some minor grammatical errors:
Sentence 1: It should be: "...in a white gown..." and "...placed a chrysanthemum on each one."
Sentence 2: Okay.
3: "...elegant green eyes." sounds a little too melodramatic. It might be better just as: " her green eyes."
4: It should be "...on these graves?" "...with pity." sounds a little melodramatic. It might be better simply as "...stared down at the girl."
5: This should be something like: "The sound of the lady's voice had shaken the little girl, but she tried to remain calm."
6: It should be: "...chrysanthemums...".
7: Okay.
8: This might be better as: "The lady's pale blue lips moved. "What is your name?"
9: Okay.
10: Okay.
11: Okay.
12: Okay.
13. Okay.
Thank you.