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Hello everyone, I hope all of you are having a nice day. In here I wanted to share a story that I wrote. As you see, I need criticism for this story before going further.



A little girl with a white gown stared down at the gravestones. As she passed each one of them she placed a chrysanthemum to each one.

" Did you know them? " A woman with a long dark dress came out of the shadows.

" No.... " The little girl looked down, her brown hair covering her elegant green eyes.

" Then why are you putting flowers in these graves? " The dark lady stared down the girl with pity.

The sound tone of the lady had made the little girl but she tried to remain cold blooded.

" Each flower has a meaning, chrysanthemum are for memorials ! "

The little girl handed a bright yellow flower to the lady.

The lady moved her pale blue lips " What is your name? "

" Lily! " The girl giggled.

" It's a pleasure to meet you Lily...I'm Death... "

" Death...! That's a weird name! " Lily chirped. " Do you know someone called Life? " she stared at Death in excitement.

" No... I guess not... " Death muttered.
" I never thought of that..." Death looked at Lily weirded out.

< To be Continued >

As you see it is not finished yet and I'm sorry If I did any mistakes, english is not my native language. Thanks for anyone who spent their time to read this, I appreciate it a lot.

Comments  

This is very good, very creative. I'm a native English speaker in the US, and I can't write creatively to save my life (I can't get past: "It was a dark and stormy night...").


There are some minor grammatical errors:


Sentence 1: It should be: "...in a white gown..." and "...placed a chrysanthemum on each one."


Sentence 2: Okay.


3: "...elegant green eyes." sounds a little too melodramatic. It might be better just as: " her green eyes."


4: It should be "...on these graves?" "...with pity." sounds a little melodramatic. It might be better simply as "...stared down at the girl."


5: This should be something like: "The sound of the lady's voice had shaken the little girl, but she tried to remain calm."


6: It should be: "...chrysanthemums...".


7: Okay.


8: This might be better as: "The lady's pale blue lips moved. "What is your name?"


9: Okay.


10: Okay.


11: Okay.


12: Okay.


13. Okay.

Thank you.