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People have different views about whether pupils should be taught academic knowledge in school rather than solf skills like cooking or dressing. From my perspective, while I accept that students are ought to taught theory knowledge in school, but I would argue that lectures should teach their pupils practical knowledge to reach a balanced healthier lifestyle.

On the one hand, it is a good idea to study theory knowledge in interactive learning in school. First of all, people have a chance to broaden their horizons in different subjects such as literature, geography, mathematics, and so on. The typical example of this is that pupils tend to apply their knowledge into practical life by inventing a variety of technical science products and thus they are likely to exceed peers in competitive competitions as well as make more effort throughout their academic life. Secondly. it allows pupils to learn both theory knowledge, together with extra-curricular activities in order to think outside the box as well as to be out of their depth in different fields that they want to follow a successful career.

On the other hand, I believe that there are better if teachers tailor their teaching styles by combine with soft skills such as cooking or dressing should be adopted to their curriculum. On an individual level, pupils will be more self-reliant to live independently. To illustrate, youngsters will become accomplish to manage life without parents. Moreover, they are likely to eliminate inferiority complex as well as let off steam after exposed to basic skills learned in schools. From a social perspective, a wide variety of jobs relevant to fashionable or cooking fields are becoming increasingly widespread in the market. Additionally, people in the present day are treasuring materials than the relationship so that entrepreneurs will have a good grasp of their interests to develop consumer services, which are more likely to reach better standard of living.

To sum up, I believe apart from teaching academic knowledge, there are better than teaching soft skills for pupils to give a creative environment to stimulate student's abilities.

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Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Students should be taught academic subjects knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Comments  
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People have different views about whether pupils (Students in primary school?) should be taught academic subjects knowledge in school rather than solf skills like cooking or dressing. From my perspective, while I accept that students are ought to (wrong verb form) taught theory knowledge in school, but I would argue that lectures (?? lectures are a teaching method in university or college, not in primary school.) should teach their pupils practical life skills knowledge to have reach a balanced and healthier lifestyle.

On the one hand, it is a good idea to study theory knowledge in interactive learning in school. First of all, people have a chance to broaden their horizons in different subjects such as literature, geography and mathematics, and so on. (incorrect usage. "Such as... means the same as "and so on") The A typical example of this is that pupils (?? ) tend to apply their knowledge into practical life graduates will put this knowledge to practical use by inventing a variety of technical science (unnatural collocation) products and thus they are likely to exceed their peers in competitive (Avoid tautologies. Two words that mean the same thing. One is unnecessary. All competitions are, by definition, competitive.) competitions as well as make more effort throughout their academic life. Secondly. Second, it allows pupils to learn both theory knowledge, (You are misusing the word "knowledge." Knowledge is all of what a person knows. People increase their knowledge by reading or studying to learn more. The more you know, the more knowledge you have. Knowledge cannot be taught.) together with extra-curricular activities in order to think outside the box (Avoid these clever sayings in formal essays.) s well as to be out of their depth (Wrong usage. If a person is "out of their depth" it means they are helpless to deal with the situation.) in different fields that they want to follow a successful career.

On the other hand, I believe that there are better if teachers tailor their teaching styles by combine (wrong form) with soft skills such as cooking or dressing should be adopted to their curriculum. (Ungrammatical There is no subject for the verb "should be adopted") On an individual level, pupils will be more self-reliant to live independently. To illustrate, youngsters (These are children aged 7-11. Do they live without their parents?) will become accomplish to manage life without parents. Moreover, they are likely to eliminate inferiority complex (??) as well as let off steam (Wrong usage.) after exposed (wrong form) to basic skills learned in schools. From a social perspective, a wide variety of jobs relevant to fashionable or cooking fields are becoming increasingly widespread in the market. Additionally, people in the present day are treasuring materials than the relationship (?? unnatural. I don't understand this) so that entrepreneurs will have a good grasp of their interests to develop consumer services, which are more likely to reach better standard of living. (Services have no standard of living.)

To sum up, I believe apart from teaching academic knowledge, there are better than (ungrammatical) teaching soft skills for pupils to give a creative environment to stimulate the student's abilities.

technical science can be changed by which word?

exposured to => have exposure to or different phrase?

bảo khuyêntechnical science can be changed by which word?

I have no idea what you mean by "technical science." It is not a natural English phrase.

Do you mean an app for a cell phone? Or an electronic device such as a smartphone or a tablet computer?

bảo khuyênexposured to => have exposure to or different phrase?
Moreover, they are likely to eliminate inferiority complex as well as let off steam after exposed to basic skills learned in schools.
Moreover, they are likely to be more self-confident after being exposed to a teacher demonstrating basic skills.

If you are exposed to something, you watch it or see it. It is not learning how to do it. You just are only aware that it exists.

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thank you for your advice so much, I really appreciate and try my best to do better next time.

thank you very much and i will pay attention to the next time.

the subject '' pls give some feedbacks..'' I just randomly use it without considering.

Numerous younsters recently know further about foreigners pop, in addition to flim actors than renowned person in the history of own states. This essay will first suggest that the cause of this phenomena is due to the excessive used of internet than they should and then submit parents must make their children focus in historical books as the most viable solution.

On the one hand, the primary cause of young people getting more interest in international music and movie stars is because these days children are using toady's technology like mobile phone beyond their limit. In a internet, the newsfeed is most of all only music, videos and different kinds of meme, while, about those popular person there is only a few post, this makes the young people mind divert towards music instead of history. For example, I have a sister reading in grade seven and my father has provided her cellphone in such a young age, which has resulted my sister addicted in a phone and she is even a fan of korean star and music.

A possible solution to this problem would be a guardians should provide history books to their offspring on behalf of mobile phone in their young age. Habit of reading history books and lifestyle of a famous person from a junior level is further good than using mobile and internet. They can achieve a great knowledge from the lifestyle and the good deeds done by well-known human beings of their nations. A recent survey by Cambridge University found that children who had studied a famous people history in their small age, known more about the past histories of their country.

In conclusion, doing careless to children and letting them hang in modern technology is the reason, why they are unaware about own country history, but, a possible solution could be to make children read a history of states. It is predicted that, more and more young people will have knowledge of famed person.

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