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Hello dear friends and teachers!

My teacher recently asked me to write a piece of text in subjective style.
I wrote the following text but after handing it over to the teacher she gave me the cold shoulder saying that it is a mere narration and that
she was unimpressed!
The main theme of this piece of text is lonelines. Would you please be kind and read the following and tell me what do you think? Is it
really worthless?

I take a look at my watch ticking away. It's 30 minitues to 6 and it couldn't be sadder than that because the sun has already hidden himself behind the mountains. A chilly breeze stigs me in the face as I step out of the building. My eyes are desperately trying to make out some familiar faces in the darkness but that's to no avail. The same unwelcoming, cool and ditant looks are everywhere.I head back towards the classroom next to which some classmates of mine are standing. These are the students whose zenith of their relationship is saying a mere hello and good-bye to each other. Away from them, I grudgigly lean against the wall away. The mirage of angels are going me past in groups of two, three or more, wearing nasty smiles. One abruptly appears out of nowhere asking ne a question regarding English grammer. As I'm answering her question, I can see easily that she is not that much interested in listening and intimacy with me is
what she is looking for. My heart would have let her in four years ago but now that's too late. I used to look at the world through a pair of rosy eyeglases but now I can see that behind her gorgeous veneer of beauty lies a bleak and dull landscape and that's enough for my eayes to recoil at the scene. I'm finished with answering and she thanks and walks away, frustrated by not getting what she was seeking.

I can't take this suffocating atmosphere anymore and the only thing that now i'm craving for is to lose this crowd. I walk past the classrooms one by one. They are all full of students. In the fullness of time any emty classroom invites me in. I go to the back of the class without turing in the lights and slide the widow open. the night has already spread its veil over the city. The pleasant silence and solitude make me abandon myself to imagination and my eyes are locked on the horizon yearning for rain.

Thanks very much indeed in advance.
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Hi,
My teacher recently asked me to write a piece of text in subjective style.
I wrote the following text but after handing it over to the teacher she gave me the cold shoulder saying that it is a mere narration and that she was unimpressed!
The main theme of this piece of text is lonelines. Would you please be kind and read the following and tell me what do you think? Is it really worthless? No, not at all. I think it's very good. I think you followed your teacher's instruction very well. I don't know why she made the comment that she did.

Clive
Comments  
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Thanks very much Mr Clive,
Would you please tell me as a native speaker of English which parts of the text sounds awkward to you?
Are there any grammatical mistakes?


By the way I corrected the typos in the following text:

I take a look at my watch ticking away. It's 30 minutes to 6 and it couldn't be sadder than that because the sun has already hidden himself behind the mountains. A chilly breeze stings me in the face as I step out of the building. My eyes are desperately trying to make out some familiar faces in the darkness but that's to no avail. The same unwelcoming, cool and distant looks are everywhere. I head back towards the classroom next to which some classmates of mine are standing. These are the students whose zenith of their relationship is saying a mere hello and good-bye to each other. Away from them, I grudgingly lean against the wall. The mirage of angels are going me past in groups of two, three and more, wearing nasty smiles. One abruptly appears out of nowhere asking ne a question regarding English grammer. As I'm answering her question, I can see easily that she is not that much interested in listening and intimacy with me is
what she is looking for. My heart would have let her in four years ago but now that's too late. I used to look at the world through a pair of rosy eyeglass but now I can see that behind her gorgeous veneer of beauty lies a bleak and dull landscape and that's enough for my eayes to recoil at the scene. I'm finished with answering and she thanks and walks away, frustrated by not getting what she was seeking.

I can't take this suffocating atmosphere anymore and the only thing that now i'm craving for is to lose this crowd. I walk past the classrooms one by one. They are all full of students. In the fullness of time any empty classroom invites me in. I go to the back of the class without turning on the lights and slide the window open. the night has already spread its veil over the city. The pleasant silence and solitude make me abandon myself to imagination and my eyes are locked on the horizon yearning for rain.
Hi,
Would you please tell me as a native speaker of English which parts of the text sounds awkward to you?
Are there any grammatical mistakes?


I'll high-light in pink.

By the way I corrected the typos in the following text:

I take a look at my watch ticking away. It's 30 minutes to 6 and it couldn't be sadder than that because the sun has already hidden himself behind the mountains. A chilly breeze stings me in the face as I step out of the building. My eyes are desperately trying to make out some familiar faces in the darkness but that's to no avail. The same unwelcoming, cool and distant looks are everywhere. I head back towards the classroom next to which some classmates of mine are standing. These are the students whose zenith of their relationship is saying a mere hello and good-bye to each other. Away from them, I grudgingly lean against the wall. The mirage of angels are going me past in groups of two, three and more, wearing nasty smiles. One abruptly appears out of nowhere asking ne a question regarding English grammer. As I'm answering her question, I can see easily that she is not that much interested in listening and intimacy with me is
what she is looking for. My heart would have let her in four years ago but now that's too late. I used to look at the world through a pair of rosy eyeglass but now I can see that behind her gorgeous veneer of beauty lies a bleak and dull landscape and that's enough for my eayes to recoil at the scene. I'm finished with answering and she thanks and walks away, frustrated by not getting what she was seeking.

I can't take this suffocating atmosphere anymore and the only thing that now i'm craving for is to lose this crowd. I walk past the classrooms one by one. They are all full of students. In the fullness of time any empty classroom invites me in. I go to the back of the class without turning on the lights and slide the window open. the night has already spread its veil over the city. The pleasant silence and solitude make me abandon myself to imagination and my eyes are locked on the horizon yearning for rain.

As I said, it's very good.

Clive