Hello, this is my second Task 2 topic. I know that this writing is too long (411 words) for an IELTS test, and that is one thing I need to fix. Do you think there are any parts which are too long or unnecessary? Beside that, are there any errors beside that in it? I believe I did include some examples in my writing this time, but are they suitable enough? Please read it and give me any advice. All feedback is highly appreciated. Thank you very much.

Topic: People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?

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Family is considered to be the most important factor influencing a person’s life. However, it is increasingly noticeable that people in many countries nowadays do not spend as much time with their families as they did in the past. There are a lot of causes leading to this, and many bad consequences are born as a result.
One of the most significant reasons is that people are facing with greater and greater amount of workload as well as pressure. The society is developing at a whirlwind speed, leading to the vast increase of work, therefore, people have to spend more time to finish their work, even at home. I still remember what my high school teacher told me, about her having to bring work home and work nearly non-stop to midnight. She even did not have enough time to talk or have dinner with her family. Secondly, the burst of the Internet is also accounted for people’s lack of time for family. There are more and more people, especially teenagers, who are addicted to the Internet, particularly Facebook and online games. They let themselves be swallowed by these applications and the ephemeral, unreal online relationships with ones they even never meet, while completely ignore the feelings of those who are always by their side.
Less time spent on raising family relationships can cause considerable effects. Firstly, the bonds between family members may gradually fade away, making room for misunderstanding, inability to feel sympathy for each other, conflicts, fights. This relationship will eventually crumble completely before you realizing. Ironically, those who live in the same roof cannot even make their voice reach each other; those who share the same bloodline in their veins cannot even shed feelings for each other. Secondly, people are likely to suffer from potential mental health risks, when they do not often talk with their family. For example, when you do not have time to express your negative emotions in your daily lives to your family, these emotions will gradually build up higher and higher without anywhere to release. And when they reach a certain point, your mind will break. Whether your threshold for depression is high or not, there is always one point that causes irredeemable damage to your mentality.
In conclusion, there are a lot of reasons for people spending less time with their family, which is an alert phenomenon to our society, as it leaves us nothing but big, deep, dreadful scars in our mentality.

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