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Hello teachers, please correct this essay for me. Thank you so much.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main
features and make comparisons where relevant.

Answer:

Six groups of household tasks divided by gender in Great Britain are shown on the bar graph. These specific groups are cooking, banking, washing; cleaning, house tidying; gardening, pet care; care of own children and play; maintenance odd jobs; and clothes, washing ironing, sewing. The units of measurement are minutes per person on a daily basis.

Overall, the amount of time that females spend on doing household tasks was significantly higher than of males, around 232 compared to 140 minutes per day. However, there were two groups of tasks showing the different trend, which are gardening/pet care and maintenance odd jobs.

For cooking/baking/washing up, women spent a daily of 74 minutes, which was significantly higher than 30 minutes per day of men. Having the same patterns, the amount of time that females spent on caring their children were barely double of males, about 45 and 20 minutes per day There also was a difference of about 4.5 times between women and men in cleaning/house tidying, 58 minutes compared to just 13 minutes per day. Each day, women gave 25 minutes to wash clothes, iron and sew, but men only spent 2 minutes on these tasks. In contrast, males showed their dominance in terms of gardening /pet care and maintenance odd jobs, spending about 49.5 and 26 minutes on a daily basis. For females, they spent just 21 and 9.5 minutes respectively for these activities each day.

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Could you please give me some words that I should use instead of respectively - spend on?

Could you please give me some "academic" adverbs that are commonly used in task 1?

Thank you again.

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Vũ Lê Huỳnh QuangCould you please give me some words that I should use instead of respectively - spend on?

See my suggested essay which uses a variety of wordings.

Vũ Lê Huỳnh QuangCould you please give me some "academic" adverbs that are commonly used in task 1?

That question is too general to give a reasonable answer to.

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The bar graph and accompanying table give the number of minutes that men and women in Great Britain devote on a daily basis to six different categories of chores. Six groups of household tasks divided by gender in Great Britain are shown on the bar graph. (The passive voice does not work very well.) These specific groups are cooking, banking, washing; cleaning, house tidying; gardening, pet care; care of own children and play; maintenance odd jobs; and clothes, washing ironing, sewing. The units of measurement are minutes per person on a daily basis. (When the units are obvious in the description, do not write a separate sentence.)

Overall, the amount of time that females spend on doing household tasks was significantly higher than of males, around 232 compared to 140 minutes per day. Women spent more time than men in four of the six categories. However, there were two groups of tasks where men dominate showing the different trend, which are gardening/pet care and maintenance odd jobs.

For cooking/baking/washing up, women spent a daily of 74 minutes, which was significantly higher than 30 minutes per day of men.. Also, Having the same patterns, the amount of time that females spent on caring their children were barely double of males, about 45 and 20 minutes per day

There also was a difference of about 4.5 times between women and men in cleaning/house tidying, 58 minutes compared to just 13 minutes per day. Each day, women gave 25 minutes to wash clothes, iron and sew, but men only spent 2 minutes on these tasks. In contrast, males showed their dominance in terms of gardening /pet care and maintenance odd jobs, spending about 49.5 and 26 minutes on a daily basis. For females, they spent just 21 and 9.5 minutes respectively for these activities each day.



Suggestion:

The bar graph and accompanying table give the number of minutes that men and women in Great Britain devote on a daily basis to six different categories of chores. These are: meal preparation ( cooking, baking, washing up), house cleaning; gardening and pet care; childcare (care of own children and playing with them); maintenance odd jobs; and laundry (clothes washing, ironing, sewing).

Note that I give shorter names to these categories. It avoids awkward sentences in the body paragraphs.

The essay organization: 1) introduction, 2) women's tasks and 3) men's tasks.

The amount of time that females spend on doing household tasks was significantly higher than of males, around 232 minutes (nearly four hours) compared to 140 minutes (an hour and a third) per day. They put more than twice the time as men into meal preparation and childcare (74 versus 30 minutes and 45 versus 20 minutes respectively). Housecleaning was definitely a woman's job, second only to meal preparation, consuming nearly an hour each day, compared to less than a quarter-hour for men. But there was even a greater disparity in the category of laundry, a difference of a factor more than ten. This was by far the least amount of time in the entire table: the 2 minutes per day that men took to do this.

On the other hand, men consider two of the categories, maintenance, gardening, and pet care their responsibility to the household. They devote more than an hour and a quarter each day to these chores compared to a half-hour for the women. They do contribute in the other four categories, but to a much less extent than the women.


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Comments  

Thank you so much. I have learned loads of things when you gave me your suggested essay.

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