Could you review my writing?

I would be grateful if you can get me some feedback thank you

You should spend about **20 minutes** on this task.

**The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.**

**Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**

You should write **at least 150 words.**

**MY ANSWER:**

The Line graphs illustrate the number of students enrolled, international and local in Australian Universities from 2001 to 2010 on the basis of totals and commencing.

Overall, the number of enrollments of local students was much higher than overseas students. However, the commencing rates for both types of students were less than the total number of enrollments.

In the graph, it can be noticed that in 2001, 20000 foreign students applied to Australian Universities. In contrast, commencing numbers were slightly lower(i.e around 17000) than the total applied and for all the years. Also, it can be seen that for every three years there is a 20000 increase in the number of international students. In the case of commencing numbers, they were always less than students enrolled in each respective year, and quite interestingly about half of the students enrolled.

Coming to local students, it can be seen that commencing rates were always lower than the total enrolments and remained stable at 200000 with some fluctuations. However, the total number of applications was 400000 in 2001 and it increased rapidly to 600000 until 2007, when it remained constant over the end of the period.

Please attach an image of what you are writing about. We cannot help you if we can't see the figure.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. You make most of the usual mistakes in the vocabulary words. You can correct your essay and post the revision with an image of the graphs.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

You should spend about **20 minutes** on this task.

**The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.**

**Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**

You should write **at least 150 words.**

*sorry, I put the wrong answer*

**my answer:**

The two graphs illustrate the number of students who enrolled in Australian universities from 2001 until 2010. Overall, the total number of local students was much higher than the overseas students. However, new overseas students who applied increased significantly while new local students fluctuated in ten periods.

The first graph shows that there were 200000 overseas students who entered Australian universities which gradually increased around 400% 9 years later. While local students only increased around 66%. In 2007, the population of local students remained stable at 600000 students.

About 200000 new local students are enrolled in Australian universities and new overseas students are only around 5% of the total of new local students in 2010. But, the number of new overseas students quadrupled in 2010. On the other hand, the number of local students who come to the university has fluctuated around 200000 with an increased peak of approximately 220000 new local students.

You barely wrote over the minimum word count. And also you had repetition of ideas, so you may lose points on task achievement.

The organization of paragraphs is not good.

You can improve vocabulary and accuracy of your math.

The two graphs *(What kind of graphs are they?) *illustrate *(poor word choice) *the number of students *(wrong - the two graphs show two different things. What are they?) *who enrolled in Australian universities from 2001 until 2010. *(You have to finish this paragraph describing the infographic. You begin a new idea - the main features, in the next paragraph. Each paragraph in an essay has ONE idea.) * ~~Overall, the total number of local students was much higher than the overseas students. However, new overseas students who applied increased significantly while new local students fluctuated in ten periods.~~

minirandomby selecting and reporting the main features,

*The second paragraph tells the examiner the "main features" that you have seen. In this way, you follow the instructions.*

Overall, the total number of local students was much higher than the overseas students. *(You have not mentioned local or overseas students before. The reader is confused!) *However, new overseas students who applied increased significantly while new local students fluctuated *(There are no fluctuations in any of the curves on these two graphs. Read my vocabulary advice. There is only a variation within a narrow range.) *in ten periods.

*(Wrong word. There is only one period. That is 2001-2010. The reader is very confused. You never told them about new or old students.)*

The first graph shows that there were 200000 *(You must copy the numbers accurately. In no year were there two hundred thousand new international students.) *overseas students who entered Australian universities which gradually increased around 400% 9 years later. __While local students only increased around 66%.__ *(Fragment, not a sentence, wrong percentage. The difference between 600 and 400 thousand is 200 thousand. Two hundred thousand is half, or 50% of 400 thousand. The increase was 50%, not 66%.) *In 2007, the ~~population~~ *(wrong word) ***total number **of local students remained **constant** ~~stable~~ at 600000 students.

About 200000 new local students ~~are~~ enrolled in Australian universities and new overseas students are only around 5% of the total of new *(Do you mean new students or the total number? There are two different values.) *local students in 2010. But, the number of new overseas students quadrupled in 2010. *(That is incorrect. The number did not change at all from 2009 to 2010.. It did quadruple over the ten-year period from 2001 to 2010.) up * On the other hand, the number of local students who come to the university has fluctuated *(wrong word) *around 200000 with an increased peak *(wrong phrase.) *of approximately 220000 new local students.

Sample essay:

Paragraph #1 tells the reader what the information content is for the infographic. It gives the reader all aspects of the plots, including the time frame.*The two line graphs compare the numbers of local students versus international students in Australian universities between 2001 and 2010. The first graph plots the overseas students - those just starting their studies and the total student count, while the second graph has the same information for local students.*

Paragraph #2 describes two or three of the most important features in the information content.*Overall, there were many more local students by both measures than international students throughout this period. However the numbers of overseas students increased substantially. In contrast, the total number of local students went up in the first six years and then stabilized.*

Paragraph #3 focuses on comparing some details. This is too long, a total over over 230 words, but will give you some ideas. *In detail, at the beginning of the period, in the total student body, there were 400 thousand local students and 20 thousand foreign students, a ratio of 20:1. Admissions also were biased toward of Australian citizens; of 180 thousand local student admissions, there were only 10 thousand overseas students, a ratio of 18:1. However the situation changed quite a bit over the period as international admissions increased to 40 thousand, and the number of local students entering university barely changed. In 2010, the ratio was 5:1 (200 thousand versus 40 thousand.) The totals reflected this increase in international admissions. By 2010, more than 80 thousand international students were enrolled, compared to 600 thousand local students. Thus, over the entire span, the total number of overseas students had quadrupled, but that of the local students had gone up by 50%.*

Thank you very much for the feedback🙏 It helps me alot🙏

Hello

Pls kindly help me review my work.

The line graphs compare the number of foreign and local students enrolled and admitted in Australia University between 2001 and 2010.

Overall it can be seen that through out the years, local students enrollment dominated the varsity. Despite this, number of oversea undergraduates increased significantly over the period.

At the beginning, in 2008, the number of local students stood at about 180000 for commencement and total at 360000. Inspites of the variations in enrollment throught the year, about 210 000 students applied in 2010 meanwhile the total value was 600,000.

On the other hand, the international students' number were relatively low and there were vast differences when compare to local students. The number of student who applied as foreign students was about 11000 in 2001. Then it increased gradually over time until it reached above 40000 in 2010 but the total number was 80,000 in that year.

Are you "minirandom"?

If you are, please read my previous advice.

If you are not, then start your own thread. Do not hijack someone else's conversation.

If you start a new conversation, then please attach an image of what you are writing about. We cannot help you if we can't see the figure.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

The line graph represents the proportions of unemployment circumstances in the urban and rural areas of Australia in 2012.

Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of unemployment in rural area is higher than the urban area. However the level of unemployment in the city increased significantly towards the end of the year.

Firstly, at the first-quarter of the year, about 6.5% was recorded for unemployment at the countryside. However the percentage falls toward the middle of the year and then fluctuated until it stabilised to a value of 5% in the last quarter.

The unemployment rate in the urban area when compare to the rural is lower at the first quarter of the year at a value of over 2%. The percentage doubled to 4%in the second quarter due to an increment in unemployment. Furthermore, fluctuations occurred and then a peak was reached at the last four months of the year to about 5%.

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