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Hello teacher, I have written a simple essay related to task 1 in the IELTS test. Please help me to check and correct it. Thank you with love.

The chart below gives information about the most common sports played in New Zealand in 2002.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


Answer:

The percentages of males and females who played different kinds of sport in New Zealand over the year 2002 are shown on the bar graph.

Overall, the percentages stand for boys and girls were clearly different in most sports. Nevertheless, the proportion who took part in tennis and basketball was similar in 2002.

Netball was the sport which girls played the most with the percent of exactly 25%. Swimming was in second place, being less than 3% compared to netball. Tennis and basketball showed a similar percentage of girls who joined these games with the value from 7 to 8%. While less than 5% of girls played cricket, athletics, and martial arts perspectively, the percentages of girls participating in soccer were approximately 5%. The participation in other sports, finally, totaled 10%.

In contrast, the graph showed the highest percentages of boys who played soccer, at around 24%. Similar to girls, swimming was in second place with the value of 13%. While the percentages of boys who took part in cricket, martial arts, basketball, and tennis varied in the small range from 7 to 10%, less than 5% of boys in New Zealand just interested in athletics. For the other sports, the total was about 18%.

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The percentages of males and females (My grandfather is a male, and my grandmother is a female, but these males and females are not included in the data. Synonyms do not work very well in Task 1. ) who played different kinds of sports in New Zealand over the year 2002 are shown on the bar graph. (Incomplete. How many sports are shown? Give a few examples. e.g. Eight specific sports are shown, including team sports such as netball, basketball, and soccer, and individual sports such as swimming. In addition, there is one category for sports not explicitly listed. )

Overall, the percentages stand for boys and girls were clearly different in most sports. Nevertheless, the proportion who took part in tennis and basketball was similar in 2002. (You already told the reader that the data was from 2002. Do not repeat it.)

Netball was the sport which girls played the most with the percent of exactly 25%. Swimming was in second place, being less than 3% (Incorrect. 2% or 1% is less than 3%! This is what you mean: Swimming was in second place, with the proportion of participants being 3% less than netball. ) compared to netball. Tennis and basketball showed a similar percentage of girls who joined these games with the values between from 7 and to 8%. While less than 5% of girls played cricket, athletics, and martial arts perspectively, (wrong word - respectively) the percentages of girls participating in soccer was were approximately 5%. The participation in other sports, finally, totaled 10%.

In contrast, the graph (wrong word) showed that the highest percentages of boys who joined these sports played soccer, at around 24%. Similar to girls, swimming was in second place with the value of 13%. While the percentages of boys who took part in cricket, martial arts, basketball, and tennis varied in the small range from 7 to 10%, less than 5% of these boys in New Zealand just were interested in athletics. For the other sports, the total was about 18%.

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Thank you so much.