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With the inexorable extension of transactions over the globe, the multicultural and multilingual ignorance substantially turns into a severe flaw as it vastly avert the goods delivery. This, however, gives rise to the inquiry of whether utilizing an expense of time living abroad to learn its language and culture is valuable. Having considered those views via thorough reasoning, I have come to the decision of a disposal.


When it comes to the accompanying flaws of this trend, the notion springing up to my mind is that these pupils are likely made to work ceaselessly. Studying abroad means either working ceaselessly to make ends meet or learning and fostering cognition spontaneously. Taken, for example, it may be an enlightened scenario for those whose life expenditure from their parents can be monthly replenished. However, those whose monetary supplement is considered inferior to its wealthy counterparts, are likely to be obsessed with making money to keep pace with various costs including rental fee, tuition fee or even travel fee, which will surely cumulatively render their well-beings down and put frontiers for their study. As such, this act may help them learn neither language nor culture well.


Additionally, having thoughts of refinement in studying overseas in their youth, students are taking a severe toll on the contribution of their talents to the country that they are living. To practically consider, what is referred to as studying in another country may possibly turn into the permanent settlement as well as no further contribution to their own country and completely fruitless subsidies. Granted, one may claim that by being a dweller, they have the rights to manipulate their study by themselves depending on flourishing conditions. That may not be wholeheartedly sound because besides the right to decide, they also have the right to sacrifice for their country. Moreover, the government is now utilizing enormous expenditure for bettering national talents that results in provision of foreign teachers and courses which are equivalent to those in other countries. Therefore, it is irresistible to say that studying overseas is unnecessary.


In a nutshell, students should not experience studying abroad as a portion of the official curriculum in light of extravagant costs and also the loss of talented people.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic:

As a part of education, students should spend a period of time living in another country to learn its language and culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Here is my one-page advice for Task 2 essays.

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You wrote 370 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
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With the inexorable extension of transactions over the globe, the multicultural and multilingual ignorance substantially turns into a severe flaw as it vastly avert the goods delivery. (I have no idea what you are trying to say here, but it is completely off the topic of education. The yellow highlighting indicates very unnatural phrases, poor word choices and incorrect usage..) This, however, gives rise to the inquiry of whether utilizing an expense of time living abroad to learn its language and culture is valuable. Having considered those views via thorough reasoning, I have come to the decision of a disposal. IA disposal is grinder for waste food. )


You did not answer the essay prompt: To what extent do you agree or disagree? (That will be your thesis statement.)
You did not write a sentence that convinces the reader that you have understood the task.
Your essay is very incoherent.

Many students think that if they use high-level and sophisticated vocabulary, they will get a higher band score. This is a false impression. One of the four scoring criteria for Task 2 is "Lexical Resource." A student with a high level of lexical resource not only knows many words, but they know how to use them. Here are the descriptors:

Band score 7:

  • uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
  • uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
  • may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

Band score 6:

  • uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
  • attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
  • makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication

The issue with your essay is that you make too many errors in word choice, collocations and usage. It is not enough to know a word from the dictionary; you have to use it correctly in a sentence. So it is much better to use vocabulary you know well than to make a lot of errors with words you are uncertain about.

I believe you would get a score much lower than 6 in "Lexical Resource" because the communication is frequently impeded by your injudicious choice of words and unnatural phrasing.

Besides, the "fog" of poor word choices mask the grammatical errors. I cannot mark them separately because it would be too confusing.

Please write this essay again, using words that you understand very well. Write a strong thesis statement. In each paragraph present one argument point with examples and personal experience.

Do not write off-topic.


When it comes to the accompanying flaws of this trend, (there is no trend in the topic.) the notion springing up to my mind (Do not write opinions in the body paragraphs. The purpose of a body paragraph is to support your thesis in the first paragraph. You wrote no thesis.) is that these pupils are likely made to work ceaselessly. Studying abroad means either working ceaselessly (repetitious) to make ends meet or learning and fostering cognition spontaneously. Taken, for example, it may be an enlightened scenario for those whose life expenditure from their parents can be monthly replenished. However, those whose monetary supplement is considered inferior to its wealthy counterparts, are likely to be obsessed with making money to keep pace with various costs including rental fee, tuition fee or even travel fee, which will surely cumulatively render their well-beings down and put frontiers for their study. As such, this act may help them learn neither language nor culture well.


Additionally, having thoughts of refinement in studying overseas in their youth, students are taking a severe toll on the contribution of their talents to the country that they are living. To practically consider, what is referred to as studying in another country may possibly turn into the permanent settlement as well as no further contribution to their own country and completely fruitless subsidies. Granted, one may claim that by being a dweller, they have the rights to manipulate their study by themselves depending on flourishing conditions. That may not be wholeheartedly sound because besides the right to decide, they also have the right to sacrifice for their country. Moreover, the government is now utilizing enormous expenditure for bettering national talents that results in provision of foreign teachers and courses which are equivalent to those in other countries. Therefore, it is irresistible to say that studying overseas is unnecessary.


In a nutshell, students should not experience studying abroad as a portion of the official curriculum in light of extravagant costs and also the loss of talented people.


Comments  
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

Oh my god thank you very muchhhhh, i may ve understood something =)). Next time I will certainly remember to post my essay on the essay forum, sorry for my confusion.

Oh my god thank you very muchhhhh, i may ve understood something =)). Next time I will certainly remember to post my essay on the essay forum, sorry for my confusion.

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Task 2: As a part of education, students should spend a period of time living in another country to learn its language and culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The development of integration over the globe gives rise to questions of students spending some time living abroad to learn another language and culture is valuable. Having considered this suggestion thoroughly, I strongly believe that it is not worth for students temporarily living in another country to absorb that knowledge.


This proposal has a multitude of flaws, the most serious of which is that these pupils are likely made to work ceaselessly. Taken, for example, it may be an enlightened scenario for those whose living expenses from their parents can be continuously supplied. However, those whose monetary supplement is by far less wealthy than their peers, are likely to be obsessed with making money to meet various costs including rental fees, tuition fees or even travel fees, which will surely render their physical and mental health worsen and put frontiers for their study. As such, this difficulty may help them learn neither language nor culture well.


Additionally, not only will they have to continuously work but they will also have to scrap both language barriers and culture shock. One might argue it is completely impossible for them to ask for help to understand more about local culture and language. Nonetheless, students who are not fluent in native language hardly have the ability to integrate into the community and will easily become a victim of social crimes such as robbery, and embezzlement without help from their loved-ones. Hence, to protect students with restricted linguistic ability, this proposal should not be obligatory.


To conclude, students should not study abroad as a portion of the official curriculum in light of extravagant costs and also unfortunate risk.

The development of integration over the globe (That does not make sense. Integration primarily refers to local schools which have equal representation of minorities.) gives rise to questions of students spending some time living abroad to learn another language and culture is valuable. (Your sentence is not grammatical. The verb "is" dangles with no subject ) Having considered this suggestion thoroughly, I strongly believe that it is not worth (wrong word) for students temporarily living (wrong verb form) in another country to absorb that knowledge.


You did not answer the essay prompt clearly. The examiner is looking for an answer to this question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is good to know a good handful of adverbs of extent because this is a very common prompt in IELTS Task 2 essays.

Complete agreement / disagreement:
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completely
fully
totally
wholeheartedly
unreservedly
with no reservations
without reservation
unequivocally
unquestionably
with no hesitation
unconditionally

Partial agreement / disagreement:
----------------

somewhat
partially
partly
to some extent / to a limited extent / to a point
with (some / certain / a few) reservations
conditionally

Slight agreement / disagreement:
----------------

a little (bit)
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This proposal has a multitude of flaws, the most serious of which is that these pupils (wrong word) are likely made to work ceaselessly. Taken, for example, it may be an enlightened scenario (Not a good phrase) for those whose living expenses from their parents can be continuously supplied. However, those whose monetary supplement is by far less wealthy than their peers, are likely to be obsessed with making money to meet various costs including rental fees, tuition fees or even travel fees, which will surely render their physical and mental health worsen and put frontiers for their study. As such, this difficulty may help them learn neither language nor culture well.


You posted this essay before. I am just repeating my feedback, for example, the incorrect use of "pupil" and "frontier."

Please post revisions in the same thread. I have merged these threads for your convenience.