+0


The pie chart given offers insight into statistic on water resources while the bar chart illustrate the quantity of water utilized in three distinct nations namely Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Canada.


It is evident that salty water accounted for the bulk of water resources while freshwater was just minimal share, in which were groundwater, ice water, and easily accessible surface water.


As far as the pie chart is concerned, the amount of salty water was a remarkable number ith more or less 100% in all water. Besides, the figure for freshwater was 3% that including groundwater was one-fifth which over threefold lower compared to ice water. Lastly, one in ten belonged to the quantity of the remaining water resource.


As can be seen from the bar chart, the utilization of water in Egypt for agriculture was the highest with over a half (65%), followed by the figure for 'Domestic' and 'Industry', 25% and 10%, accordingly. The same scenario can be seen in the use of water in Saudi Arabia, in which the figure for agriculture ranked first with approximately 80%, 'domestic' was roughly a quarter that was 5% larger in comparison with 'industry'. The remaining country had the utilization for the industry was the largest portion which over doubled to that of 'domestic' and six times higher than the remaining sector.

+0

Please post essays in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm


Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: The pie chart shows the information about world water resources, and the bar chart shows the utilization of water in Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Canada

My essay:

(Your text here...)
---------------------

+0

The pie chart (There is more than one. ) given offers insight into statistic (That is not clear. What exactly is on the pie chart?) on water resources while the bar chart illustrate (wrong word - shows, gives, presents, compares ) the quantity (wrong word. Quantities are volumes, such as liters or cubic meters. that is not what is on the chart.) of water utilized in three distinct nations namely Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Canada. (Your first paragraph is inadequate and incomplete. It does not tell the reader about fresh/salt water or the sectors on the economy which use water. Please read my advice on Task 1 essays: IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice )


It is evident that Salty (not quite correct - salt water) water accounted for the bulk of water resources while freshwater was just minimal share, in which were groundwater, ice water, and easily accessible (That is not on the chart. Do not add any new information. Just write what is in the figure.) surface water.


As far as the pie chart is concerned, the amount of salty water was a remarkable number (wrong word) ith (wrong word) more or less 100% in all water. (wrong expression. It is impossible to have more than 100% of something.) Besides, the figure (wrong word) for freshwater was 3% that including groundwater was one-fifth which over threefold lower compared to ice water. (wrong expression . If you ask for ice water in a restaurant, you get a glass full of water with some ice cubes in it. Be sure that you use the correct categories exactly as on the diagram.) Lastly, one in ten (wrong expression . Water cannot be counted. What is ten waters?)) belonged to the quantity (wrong word) of the remaining water resource.


As can be seen from the bar chart, the utilization of water in Egypt for agriculture was the highest with over a half (65%), followed by the figure (wrong word) for 'Domestic' and 'Industry', 25% and 10%, accordingly. The same scenario can be seen in the use of water in Saudi Arabia, in which the figure (wrong word) for agriculture ranked first with approximately 80%, 'domestic' was roughly a quarter that was 5% larger in comparison with 'industry'. The remaining country had the utilization for the industry (??) was the largest portion (ungrammatical) which over doubled (wrong form) to that of 'domestic' and six times higher than the remaining sector.


Example first paragraph

The diagram, consisting of two pie charts and a bar chart, show the forms of the earth's water resources and utilization by sector in three countries. In particular, the first pie chart gives the relative proportions of fresh and salt water. The second pie chart gives the relative proportions of the three different forms of the earth's fresh water resource: ice, groundwater and surface water. The bar chart gives the percentage of water usage by three sectors: agriculture, domestic and industry for Canada, Saudi Arabia and Egypt.

Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
Comments  

Thanks AlpheccaStars for useful comments and I will adjust my essay then.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.