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The bar chart give information about how many preceptors and preceptress there are in six kinds of educational setting in England in 2010

Look at the chart, it is immediately apparent that the number of female teachers experiences an increase from nursery to university , and vice versa. To be more accurate, there is an dramatic rise in the percentage of schoolman ( up to 60% ) especially it makes up over 70 % . On the contrary, that of woman teachers goes down sharply (about 70%) particularly occupies nearly 30 %

In general, according to aforementioned figures, most of schoolmaster concentrate on university and schoolmistress focus on nursery

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Ha Quynh Huongpreceptors and preceptress

These are not common words in England or the rest of the UK. Many people will be unfamiliar with them. It would be better to replace them with more common words.

Ha Quynh Huongschoolman

The meaning of this is unclear. You should explain it.

Ha Quynh Huongschoolmaster

and

Ha Quynh Huongschoolmistress

are rare and antiquated words in the UK. It's possible that they are still used in private schools but, they are not used in general. It would be better to replace them with the word teacher.

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Firstly , thank u so so much for helping me. I'm so grateful. This is the picture of full task . So can u help me correct it more and replace wrong words with much better words .

Again, thanks

Ha Quynh Huongthe number of female teachers experiences an increase from nursery to university ,

Don't leave a space before punctuation.


Based on your photo, it's clear that you need to write decreased instead.


The red part is not needed.

Ha Quynh HuongTo be more accurate, there is an dramatic rise in the percentage of schoolman

This would be better as male teachers. You need a instead of an.

Ha Quynh Huongespecially it makes up over 70 % .

to over 70%.


Don't leave a space before the percentage sign or the full stop. The red part is not needed.

I think my paragraph is not clear and informative enough to get high scores in IELTS exam.So Can u add some sentences to make it much better?
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