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The graph indicated 5 activities of the elder in Wester country do on free time until 1980 to 2010. There were reading, hiking, going to the theatre, playing sport, surfing the internet. Almost of there were different fluctuations, but there had been rising during 30 years expect relaxing in the theatre had been reducing. Reading was an old-fashional activity, that was rising from 60% to 80% during 20 years but was reduced 5% since 2000. Hiking was activity rising fast of 5 activities and no time was reducing. Totally 30 years, hiking was improving 60% from 20% in 1980 to 80% in 2010. Going to the theatre was 50% in 1980 reducing 20% from 1980 to 1990 and after that 20 years was improving again 45% in 2010. Playing sport was rising from 60% to 70% during 20 years early and was reduced 5% on 10 years after. The last was surfing the internet, that was improving 45% as 50% in 2010. Overall, during 20 years early, the elder had wanted to play outside and to breath. But after 10 years, much more the elder had liked to play under sunshine but a half the elder had used the internet as the way to relax.

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Subject: Please check my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: The graph below show how elderly people in Europe spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Please copy the instructions correctly and completely.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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4. Read my advice for Task 1 essays. You have made very common mistakes. After you read the advice, make changes to your essay and post it as a reply to this thread.. IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

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Overall comments.

You need to write in paragraphs. Read my advice about paragraphing on the link I posted in the previous comment.

I have highlighted the text with mistakes that need to be corrected.


The graph indicated 5 (write small numbers that are not data values in words) activities of the elder (One old person.) in Wester country do on free time until 1980 to 2010. There were reading, hiking, going to the theatre, playing sport, surfing the internet. (ungrammatical series) Almost of there (wrong expression) were different fluctuations, (wrong word) but there had been rising during 30 years expect (wrong word) relaxing in the theatre had been reducing. Reading was an old-fashional (wrong word) activity, that was rising from 60% to 80% during 20 years but was reduced 5% since 2000. Hiking was activity rising fast of 5 activities and no time was reducing. Totally 30 years, hiking was improving 60% from 20% in 1980 to 80% in 2010. Going to the theatre was 50% in 1980 reducing 20% from 1980 to 1990 and after that 20 years was improving again 45% in 2010. Playing sport was rising from 60% to 70% during 20 years early and was reduced 5% on 10 years after. The last was surfing the internet, that was improving 45% as 50% in 2010. Overall, during 20 years early, the elder had wanted to play outside and to breath. But after 10 years, much more the elder had liked to play under sunshine but a half the elder had used the internet as the way to relax.