The graph indicated 5 activities of the elder in Wester country do on free time until 1980 to 2010. There were reading, hiking, going to the theatre, playing sport, surfing the internet. Almost of there were different fluctuations, but there had been rising during 30 years expect relaxing in the theatre had been reducing. Reading was an old-fashional activity, that was rising from 60% to 80% during 20 years but was reduced 5% since 2000. Hiking was activity rising fast of 5 activities and no time was reducing. Totally 30 years, hiking was improving 60% from 20% in 1980 to 80% in 2010. Going to the theatre was 50% in 1980 reducing 20% from 1980 to 1990 and after that 20 years was improving again 45% in 2010. Playing sport was rising from 60% to 70% during 20 years early and was reduced 5% on 10 years after. The last was surfing the internet, that was improving 45% as 50% in 2010. Overall, during 20 years early, the elder had wanted to play outside and to breath. But after 10 years, much more the elder had liked to play under sunshine but a half the elder had used the internet as the way to relax.

I give you exactly the same advice as before. You did not make any corrections.

You need to write in paragraphs.

Read my advice about paragraphing on the link I posted earlier.

I have highlighted the text with mistakes that need to be corrected.

Fix as many errors as you can and repost your 3-paragraph essay.


The graph indicated 5 (write small numbers that are not data values in words) activities of the elder ( The elder means one old person.) in Wester (wrong word) country (wrong word) do on (wrong word) free time until (wrong word) 1980 to 2010. There were reading, hiking, going to the theatre, playing sport, surfing the internet. (ungrammatical series) Almost of there (wrong expression) were different fluctuations, (wrong word) but there had been rising during 30 years expect (wrong word) relaxing (wrong word) in the theatre had been reducing. Reading was an old-fashional (wrong word) activity, that was rising from 60% to 80% during (wrong word) 20 years but was reduced 5% since 2000. Hiking was activity rising fast of 5 activities and no time was reducing. Totally 30 years, (Wrong expression) hiking was improving 60% from 20% in 1980 to 80% in 2010. Going to the theatre was 50% in 1980 reducing 20% from 1980 to 1990 and after that 20 years (Wrong expression) was improving again 45% in 2010. Playing sport was rising from 60% to 70% during 20 years early (wrong expression) and was reduced 5% on 10 years after. The last was surfing the internet, that was improving 45% as 50% in 2010. Overall, during 20 years early, the elder had wanted to play outside and to breath. But after 10 years, much more the elder had liked to play under sunshine but a half the elder had used the internet as the way to relax.

Thank you so much for giving me a better advice. It's my fix version, Please check and find my mistake. Thank you so much.

The graph indicated some activities the elderly in Europe do in their free time in the period 30 years since 1980.
Most activities are different fluctuation, there had been rising for 30 years except they don’t like to go to the theatre. Reading was an old-fashioned activity, that was gone up from 30% to 40%, before the period from 1990 to 2000, it has gone down 20% but was climbed 40% from 2000 to 2010. There was a dramatic rise in all activities from 20% to 80% between 1980 and 2010. Going to the theatre was dropped by 5% from 1980 to 2010, there was dropped by 30% in 1990 and rose by 45% in 2010. The period from 1980 to 2010 experienced a slight increase in playing sport, there was rose from 60% to 65%. The last activity is surfing the internet, it was slightly grown from 1980 to 2000, but there was a steep boom of 35% in the period between 2000 and 2010.
Overall, during 20 years early, the elderly had wanted going out. But after 10 years, a fraction of the elderly had used the internet as the way to relax.

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

Your essay still has many problems. You need to write three paragraphs. Not ONE paragraph.

Paragraph 1: Describe the figure. Do not mention any data values.

Paragraph 2: Give 2 or 3 important observations.

Paragraph 3: Give some interesting details.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post



The line graph indicated (wrong word, wrong form) some five activities the elderly in Europe do in their free time in the period 30 years since 1980 to 2010. (Your paragraph is not complete. What are these activities?)


Model paragraph #1: The line graph gives the percentages of elderly Europeans who participated in different leisure-time activities between 1980 and 2010. There are five different activities shown, reading, hiking, theatre, playing a sport, and surfing the internet. Data points are plotted every decade, so there are four points on each line.



Most activities are different fluctuation, (wrong word - a fluctuation is not an activity. Also, fluctuation is not the correct word to use. here) there had been rising for 30 years except they don’t like to go to the theatre. Reading was an old-fashioned (wrong word. ) activity, that was gone (wrong form - went) up from 30% to 40%, before the period from 1990 to 2000, (comma error. ) it has gone down 20% but was climbed (wrong form) 40% from 2000 to 2010. There was a dramatic rise in all activities (incorrect - not all activities had increases in the participation) from 20% to 80% between 1980 and 2010. Going to the theatre was dropped (wrong form) by 5% from 1980 to 2010, there was dropped (wrong form ) by 30% in 1990 and rose by 45% in 2010. The period from 1980 to 2010 experienced (wrong word ) a slight increase in playing sport, there was rose (wrong form) from 60% to 65%. The last activity is surfing the internet, it was slightly grown (wrong form) from 1980 to 2000, but there was a steep boom (wrong words) of 35% in the period between 2000 and 2010.
Overall, during 20 years early, the first 20 years, the elderly had wanted going out. But after 10 years, a fraction of the elderly had used the internet as the way to relax.


Model Paragraph 2 (Three important points)

Overall, on average, the elderly had higher levels of participation at the end of the period than at the beginning. For example, in the 1980s, 30% were involved in reading and this doubled to 60% in the 2010s. Only going to the theater lost ground, declining from 50% to 45%. The largest increases were for hiking, going up by a factor of four, from 20 to 80% and surfing the internet, going up by a factor of ten, from 5% to 50%.

Model paragraph 3.

Playing sport had the most consistent levels of participation over the period, remaining in the range of 60-70%. The activity whose participation varied the most was reading, ranging from a low of 20% in the 2000s to its high of 60% in the 2010s. Hiking participation went up in a straight line, gaining 20% per decade. And surfing the internet had a slow linear increase from 5% to 15% in the first 20 years followed by a steep rise to 50% in the last 10 years.