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My teacher made us write a little essay about 'The importance of ...." and I chose 'of money'. So I wrote, and would be VERY glad if a person who knows English well correct it. I know I may be expecting a lot, but it's important not to have many mistakes. Also the writing style.... Actually it's not a hard text to correct, because my English writing is very simple. So... I would be very glad!

I hope somebody could do this... Last time it was ignored^^ But I would really be grateful

The importance of money

Not only the worth of money has changed, also the importance. The importance of money has become so important for live, that you could not survive without it. You could not even buy something to eat. You would end up being a poor homeless person. Even if you try harmonizing with the nature to survive, it would be almost impossible nowadays, expect you would be living in a tribe. Tribes have learned to live naturally and have adapted to the nature, while industry countries have invented artificial stuff for everything. Money is one of the most important things in our lives. Even if we haven’t noticed yet, living without it would be literally inconceivable. What makes money that popular, though?

Nowadays you need money for your whole life; for clothes, for food, for a shelter and even water costs. You may know the proverb ‘Money doesn’t bring happiness’. It’s very controversial. Half says it is wrong, the other says it is true. But would you be happy without any penny? Since money is a large part of our life, you need at least little money to be happy.
Another important point is for education. School here may be gratis, with money you are able to afford for example a private school or extra help, though. Also if your parents work in a good company, they may be able to get you a good apprenticeship.
Money has caused many problems, though. Thus, I think it would be good to share out the money better. That’s very difficult, because then, I think, there would be a commercial crisis. Whereas, our state could produce more money and donate it to Third World Countries. There wouldn’t be that much poverty, then.
Nowadays poverty exists all over the world and it is increasing more and more. Many people have lost their jobs because of money. For example new machines have been invented and do now the work, which a person used to do. All because the company had enough money, and they want to produce as reasonably as possible.
I think you don’t have to have bulky money, but at least enough to buy food and be happy and to be on the safe side; for example being able to pay taxes. But even that little money a lot of people don’t have.

All in all I now see even better, that money is really important. I have also seen that money will always cause problems. I guess the importance of money keeps on rising. To be honest, I have been wanting to become a person with a lot of money. Not only because I think money brings happiness, also because I want to be on the safe side. Also, I want my children to have a good chance for life. I want them to be able to reach something in life.
Who knows, what ‘money’ will be in 50 years.

Two more things:

1) I'm not sure if I should add this sentence:
I happened to see a TV show where some people are trying a life without money. That’s why I decided to research that topic a little.
If so, this would be the first sentence, and is followed by: Not only the worth .......

2) Should the title be: The importance of money or The Importance Of Money ?

THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!
Louis
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I can give you a few suggestions, but I am a bit short of time.

Not only the worth of money has changed, also the importance.
I don't know what you mean.
For example, take a coin worth 1 Euro. It was worth 1 euro last year, it will be 1 euro next year. Are you talking about inflation or deflation? The "worth of money" and what makes it change would be an interesting subject to discuss..

Is money more important to you than to your parents? Could your parents survive with no money? You need to set the context - what you are comparing with.

The importance of money has become so important for life,
Money is one of the most important things in our lives
now see even better, that money is really important.
I guess the importance of money keeps on rising

You repeat the same thing over, rather than developing a thesis with specific points.
You repeat the word "important, so it is a tautology. Money is important because it's important. That is not telling the reader anything.

You could talk about the history of money - how it came into being, and how it grew in importance over a long history., and how tribal societies don't even have a comprehension of the idea of money, and how a complex global society could not be possible without money. Even defining what money is would be interesting. Most money exists today as just digits in a computer system!

I recommend looking at " THE ASCENT OF MONEY" on Youtube. The economist and historian Niall Ferguson documents the roots of money and finance. It is very interesting and there are four episodes. The first episode talks about what money really is.

All the best,
A-Emotion: stars
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Hi AlphaStars,
Thank you! Emotion: smile
AlpheccaStarsNot only the worth of money has changed, also the importance.I don't know what you mean.For example, take a coin worth 1 Euro. It was worth 1 euro last year, it will be 1 euro next year. Are you talking about inflation or deflation?
Here I actually didn't want to say that the worth has changed (Not the worth of Euro or something), but I wanted to say the worth in general. Not the worth of a penny, but the worth.... I don't know how to describe..
AlpheccaStarsThe "worth of money" and what makes it change would be an interesting subject to discuss..
What do you mean now? Do you mean the change of the worth (like 1 euro last year - 1.20 now) or do you mean the same that I meant above?
AlpheccaStarsThe importance of money has become so important for life,Money is one of the most important things in our lives now see even better, that money is really important. I guess the importance of money keeps on risingYou repeat the same thing over, rather than developing a thesis with specific points. You repeat the word "important, so it is a tautology. Money is important because it's important. That is not telling the reader anything.
Yes.. I see. So you mean like the 'why' is missing? I was actually trying to write this in the middle part. Like the part with poverty, education, clothes&food&water. You are right, though. I will try to do it better tomorrow.
AlpheccaStarsYou could talk about the history of money - how it came into being, and how it grew in importance over a long history., and how tribal societies don't even have a comprehension of the idea of money, and how a complex global society could not be possible without money. Even defining what money is would be interesting. Most money exists today as just digits in a computer system!
These are all really interesting things!! The thing is, I don't know how to 'instal' these topics. I generally have difficulties to write an essay.. Emotion: sad But tomorrow I will try to rewrite it, and then I will post it again here.

And thanks for the link! I will definitely take a look at it! Emotion: smile
LS

g
AlpheccaStarsThe "worth of money" and what makes it change would be an interesting subject to discuss..
What do you mean now? Do you mean the change of the worth (like 1 euro last year - 1.20 now) or do you mean the same that I meant above?

I meant inflation and deflation.
For example, after World War I, less than 100 years ago, there was a huge inflation in Germany. A loaf of bread cost 22 cents in 1918. In 1922, a loaf of bread cost Three marks, 50 cents. The next year, a loaf of bread cost 700 marks. In July 1923, one loaf of bread cost 100,000 marks. So what can you say about the worth of one German mark during this time?

This is not unique. Since World War II Argentina, Zimbabwe, the Ukraine and other countries had large inflation rates.
Here is a site that you can use to find the worth of a US dollar in the US http://www.measuringworth.com/calculators/ppowerus /

The second complication is exchange rates - how much each currency will trade for another. That is complicated because money is "worth" different amounts in different countries.

If a German family had converted all their money to British pounds or American dollars in 1918, they would not have lost all of their savings. A German family who kept their German marks lost everything. The reason is that in England and the US, they did not have this inflation.

So what is the real "worth" of money? The story is not simple, but basically, money is the basis of exchange - you exchange your time (by working), for a piece of paper that you can exchange for food, a roof over your head, or clothes. Money is nothing but trust that someone will give you something you need for it in exchange.

In the US, in 1949, gasoline cost 27 cents a gallon. In 2012, it cost nearly $4 a gallon. Is this inflation? Yes it is. Gasoline costs a lot more now. But are we worse off now? Not really.
In the US, the minimum wage rate in 1950 was $0.75 per hour. So an unskilled worker had to work about 20 minutes to earn enough money for a gallon.
In 2009, the minimum wage was over $7 per hour. So, at present day prices, this unskilled worker had to work about a half-hour for that same gallon of gas.
Most people earn more money over time, so their cost of a gallon of gas will go down from 20 minutes of work to maybe 15 minutes of work.

But your essay seems to be about what you can do with the money that you have. It is important because it gives you freedom of choice. If you have more money than what you need for food, clothing, etc. then you have choices.

The same is true for a government. They get money from the taxes you pay, and can spend it on welfare, wars against another countries, building airports, highways or parks, cleaning the environment, and so on. If a government does not get enough in taxes and prints or borrows too much money, there will be horrible inflation.
Hi AlpheccaStars,

Sorry for not replaying.
I just wanted to say thank you!!!! I rewrote my essay and handed it over to my teacher few days ago. I tried to rewrite it with your comments and with the topics you had given me.
So I'll see how it turns out Emotion: smile
Thanks!

LS
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hello i was tying to find an essay on the topic the importance of money so i was reading some examples. i read your essay and i must say i couldn't catch what you were trying to say exactly and also the essay was not what i expected it would be. but still thank you and i am sure if it was me who had to write this essay it would be far worse than this. <3
Emotion: yesEmotion: smilei totally think you should add that sentence into your introduction or even conlcusion because it shows why you chose ths topic i read it and it hink it is totally awesome ince job.......................my opion is that the tittle should be Money and its Importance
it would hv been better if u chose this heading "money is the root of all evil" ur ephasy in the essay is more realted to it since well you spoke a lot of how money is being a problem,that could lead to it as being the root of all evil under the sercumstances you have mentioned
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Rpbrz
Tittle... Money is the key which unlock the every doors.
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