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My essay:

Internet is undoubtedly one is one of the humankind's greatest inventions. It is often said that Internet has more bad influences on human than its benefits. Personally, I completely agree with this view. This essay will suggest two main reasons to support my opinion.

To begin with, Internet certainly has some information that may be false. It is extremely true that Internet is full of data which makes us confused. Therefore, when we want to find things related to our jobs on the Internet, it is a bit difficult to choose accurately, sometimes we are swindled out of money to buy information that is not existed. To illustrate, last year, my older sister spent all her money on a online English course and was completely tricked as that was non-existent.

In addition, Internet can make children become bad citizens and crimes in future. There are more and more kinds of videos and games that contain detrimental pictures and rude words on the Internet. Obviously, parents tend to use Internet so as not to be disturbed by their kids. They let their children use smartphone though that can make kids addicted to games and sometime imitate bad behaviors that are not suitable for them on the Internet. For example, it has been reported that a nine-year-old boy killed himself after watching a violent video on Youtube and was taken to hospital just then.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea that Internet has more harmful effects than benefits on us and we should not spend our time too much surfing the Internet.

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I would like to receive some advice to improve my English ability. This essay certainly has a lot of mistakes I do not realize. Emotion: sad

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The internet is undoubtedly one is one of the humankind's greatest inventions. It is often said that the internet has more bad influences on human (Do not use "human" except in a set phrase like "human rights," human trafficking", or "human being." You can use it when comparing with other animal species and artificial intelligence.) than its benefits. Personally, I completely agree with this view. This essay will suggest two main reasons to support my opinion.

(Do not mention your essay. You have a good thesis statement. The reader expects you to argue your view.)


To begin with, the internet certainly has some information that may be false. It is extremely (It is either true or false. There are extremes of temperature, extremes of beauty, and extremes of poverty, but it is not sensible to have extremes of truth.) true that the internet is full of data which confuses makes us confused. Therefore, when we want to find things related to our jobs on the internet, it is a bit difficult to choose accurately, (Comma splice error. Do not use a comma between main clauses.) and sometimes we are swindled out of money to buy information that does not exist. is not existed. To illustrate this, ("illustrate" requires an object.) last year, (no comma) my older sister spent all her money on a online English course and was completely tricked as there was no course at all. that was non-existent.

In addition, the internet can make children become bad citizens and crimes (A person is not a crime. They are different things.) in the future. There are more and more kinds of videos and games that contain detrimental pictures and rude words on the Internet. (You do not need to repeat this. The examiner will deduct points of repetition.) Obviously, parents tend to use the internet so as not to be disturbed by their kids. They let their children use smartphone though that can make kids addicted to games and sometime imitate bad behaviors that are not suitable for them on the Internet. (Off-topic, a game is not a source of information. repetitious) For example, it has been reported that a nine-year-old boy killed himself after watching a violent video on Youtube and was taken to hospital just then. (We don't take dead bodies to hospital. They are taken to the morgue.)

In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea that Internet has more harmful effects than benefits for on us and we should not spend our time too much of our time surfing the internet.

Comments  

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: The Internet when used as a source of information, has more drawbacks than advantages. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Copy all the instructions here.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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