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In recent years, the question of whether the proliferation of technology has widened the gap among people of different income levels or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although technology development is not without disadvantages, the upsides will be far more significant.

Technology plays an important role in providing knowledge and information to people who have different background. First, by using smart devices like smart phones or computers, people find it easy to have access to the Internet to update information in all fields in order to acquire skills. In fact, it is affordable for people to own the technology products that used to be considered exclusive for wealthy people in the last two decades, which allows people to have equal opportunities to gather information. Second, since the Internet is a virtual treasure troves of knowledge, people can have a full grasp of many fields that promotes their chances to land decent jobs with handsome salary. For example, the Coursera – a online learning website, has a wide range of free online courses, which allows students from lower income families to gain a wealth of knowledge to get good jobs, leading to decrease the gap.

In addition, the state – of –the – art technology has created many jobs opportunities. First, because of the spread of social networks, people could earn the amount of money. For example, people can run online business or Youtube phenomena, which helps them make lucrative income. Second, todays, a number of ride – shading apps including Grab, GoViet and countless others have sprung up. The established companies provide a functional app with high – quality service to meet the growing demands of this industry, which brings a lot of jobs to people.

In conclusion, the technology advancements can reduce the gap between high-income and low-income people. With the support of technology, sharing economy and knowledge distribute wealth equally among people.

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Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: The range of technology is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. To what extent do you agree? Please copy the instructions correctly. This does not seem like a natural wording, especially the phrase "range of technology."

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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trang84has been receiving a great deal of public attention.

This seems like a memorized phrase that you use for many essays.

The examiner is looking for sentences that are specific for each different essay topic. They do not look favorably on memorized opening statements.

trang84technology development

That is different from "range of technology" and "proliferation of technology."

I do not understand what you are supposed to be writing about. It is difficult to give any feedback.


Technology plays an important role in providing knowledge and information to people who have different background. (wrong form) First, by using smart electronic devices like smart phones or computers, people can find it easy to have access to the Internet to update information (Most people do not contribute to web sites and change the information there, they just read what other people have published.) in all fields in order to acquire skills. In fact, it is affordable for people to own these devices. They technology products that used to be considered exclusive for wealthy people, but in the last two decades, costs have gone down and that which allows people to have equal opportunities to gather information. (Your sentences did not make much sense. I think this is what you were trying to say.) Second, since the Internet is a virtual treasure troves (wrong form) of knowledge, people can have a full grasp of many fields that promotes their chances (Fields do not promote chances. You made this same error of misplaced or poorly written relative clauses earlier. And you make the same error in the next sentence. ) to land decent jobs with a handsome salary. For example, the Coursera – a online learning website, has a wide range of free online courses. If students , which allows students from lower income families take these courses, they can to gain a wealth of knowledge to get good jobs, and when poor people get high-paying jobs, that will leading to decrease the gap.

In addition, the state – of –the – art (incorrect hyphenation. state-of-the-art) technology has created many jobs (wrong form) opportunities. First, because of the global reach spread of social networks, people could start a small business, advertise their products through the network, and earn the amount of money. For example, people can run online business or Youtube (I don't know what you mean about YouTube. Do you mean to make videos and upload them?) phenomena, (wrong word) which helps them make lucrative income. Second, todays, (wrong usage) a number of ride – shading apps including Grab, GoViet and countless others have sprung up. The established companies provide a functional app with high – quality service to meet the growing demands of this industry, which brings a lot of jobs to people.

In conclusion, the technology advancements (Don't you mean the technology itself?) can reduce the gap between high-income and low-income people. With the support of technology, sharing economy (I don't know what sharing economy is.) and knowledge distribute wealth equally among people.

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Comments  

Thank you so much ^^

Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.

I'm sorry. I will do it better in the next time.

trang84

I'm sorry. I will do it better in the next time.

There is not any reason to be sorry. Just keep practicing and you will get better. These essays are challenging.

The more you practice, the more you will improve.