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Dear all,

My brother is working in an American company in Dubai. A couple of days back he submitted a leave application to the General Manager of that company to allow him to come to his native place, India to attend his cousin's marriage. But the secretary to the General Manager, who is a native English speaker commented that his wording is archaic. But I think that my brother's leave application is OK as it is. I am giving it here for your kind perusal. I'd like to get your opinion on this.

This is the body of my brother's leave application:

"My cousin's marriage is on 01st May 2021. I wish to go to India to participate in that function. So kindly grant me leave for 9 days starting from 25th April 2021. I am planning to book my ticket in a couple of days. I request you to approve my leave at the earliest.
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Please grant me nine days leave to attend my cousin's wedding, starting April 25, 2021, at your earliest convenience. Thank you.

CJ

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cat navy 425"My cousin's marriage is on 01st May 2021. I wish to go to India to participate in that function. So kindly grant me leave for 9 days starting from 25th April 2021. I am planning to book my ticket in a couple of days. I request you to approve my leave at the earliest.

To me, "at the earliest" has an antiquated feel, and "participate in that function" seems a bit clunky, but overall I would not call the language "archaic".

"kindly" with an imperative can have the feel of giving someone an order, verging on the impolite, the exact opposite of the polite sense that is presumably intended here. For me, this "giving an order" sense always impinges, and so I would not recommend the use of this word. I would use e.g. "I would be grateful if ...", or some other kind of wording. Opinions may vary.

"I request you to approve" is incorrect English.

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Comments  
cat navy 425 I'd like to get your opinion on this.

I wouldn't call it archaic. It is perhaps a tad overnice and non-native-sounding. "Wish" for "would like", the unusual inclusion of "in that function", "starting from" instead of "starting on", all are noticeable. "I request you to infinitive" is not natural in my US dialect. Nothing glaring or outdated.

Thanks a lot. Please tell me a standard usage instead of "in that function".
 CalifJim's reply was promoted to an answer.
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CJ Sir, Thanks a lot.
cat navy 425 CJ Sir, Thanks a lot.

I thought I'd give you an example in the rather terse style that's common among Americans. There are many other ways to write it, of course.

CJ

CJ Sir, This model is very simple. This is enough. Thanks a lot.
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cat navy 425 Thanks a lot. Please tell me a standard usage instead of "in that function".

I would just leave it off. That's why I said "inclusion". It makes the letter sound more non-native because it sounds like perhaps such explanatory phrases are normally included in the writer's native language. But now that you mention it, it is also odd to call a wedding (which would have been more natural than "marriage", come to think of it) a function in this context. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that the letter screams non-native without anything actually being wrong at all.

 GPY's reply was promoted to an answer.
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