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Accommodation is one of the aspects that college students often pay close attention to. Some people argued that independent living is the ability to take care of yourself from living, be proactive in learning, socially establish relationships, improve force life in all aspects better when living at home with their parents. I completely agree with this view for several reasons.
Firstly. The students from high school transition to university is a time mark the maturity of a young person, to turn 18 when young people need to know how to decide and take responsibility for their actions. No longer can depend on parents to decide, remained in everything. Most of the students succeed in university and then have the spirit of initiative and high independence, gain work experience

The second benefit that independence encourages students to develop a more comprehensive life and academic skills, autonomous living skills will help students adapt to the university environment more quickly. Students in advanced countries, after high school is often going out on their own, work part-time and have a high sense of independence. Even families who can support themselves often let their children take care of themselves or borrow money and make a living on their own.
Finally, when you live alone, you have to learn everything like repairing light bulbs, freezing refrigerators, ... Without the help of others. It may seem like a challenge at first, but it will help you become more independent and feel proud and confident in yourself.

In conclusion, it seems to me that living far away from their parents is the best option for students for the above-mentioned reasons.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Much of your writing is not good grammatical English. You should write simpler sentences. You are trying to write more complicated sentences, but they are not good sentences. It is important to start writing clear, simple sentences. THen gradually you will learn to write longer ones.


Accommodation Where to live when attending school is one of the decisions aspects that college students often pay close attention to. Some people argued (wrong form) that independent living is the ability (wrong usage. Living is not an ability. ... living away from home means that you have to develop the ability to take care of yourself, be responsible for managing your time, develop friendships and social networks, and .... ...) to take care of yourself from living, be proactive in learning, socially establish social relationships, improve force life in all aspects better (wrong usage. - This is ungrammatical English. Your sentence is so long and complicated, that it falls apart.. Write two or three separate sentences. ) when living at home with their parents. I completely agree with this view for several reasons.


Model paragraph:

Where to live when attending school is one of the decisions that college students often pay close attention to. Living away from home is one option. But that means that you have to take care of yourself, be responsible for managing your time and money, be proactive in your studies and develop friendships and social networks. The second option is living at home where you have the support and care of your family. I completely agree that it is far better for students to live independently, away from their family.



Firstly. The First, students transitioning from high school transition to university is a time mark (wrong usage. students are not a time mark. ) the maturity of a young person, to turn 18 (ungrammatical. Your sentence is too long. Write short, grammatical sentences.) when young people need to know how to decide and take responsibility for their actions. No longer can depend on parents to decide, remained in everything. (ungrammatical This sentence has no subject. ) Most of the students succeed in university and then have the spirit of initiative and high independence, gain work experience (ungrammatical. Also missing punctuation)

The second benefit that independence encourages students to develop a more comprehensive life (I don't know what that means.) and academic skills, (wrong punctuation - your sentence becomes ungrammatical here.) autonomous living skills will help students adapt to the university environment more quickly. Students in advanced countries, after high school is (wrong form) often going out on their own, work (wrong form) part-time. They and have a high sense of independence. Even families who can support themselves often let their children take care of themselves or borrow money and make a living on their own. (This does not makes sense. Why do the families who can support themselves borrow money?)
Finally, when you live alone, you have to learn everything like repairing (If a light bulb burns out, I do not repair it. I replace it with a new one. Most people cannot repair light bulbs.) light bulbs, freezing (??) refrigerators, ... (Never use ellipses, "etc." or phrases like "and do on" in formal essays. ) Without the help of others. (not a sentence. This is a prepositional phrase) It may seem like a challenge at first, but it will help you become more independent and feel proud and confident in yourself.

In conclusion, it seems to me that living far away from their parents is the best option for students for the above-mentioned reasons. (Do not refer to your writing in a formal essay. "Above mentioned" is not a good phrase.)