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Please help my check grammar and phrase topic



Accommodation indeed is one of the aspects that college students often pay close attention to. Some people argued that independent living is the ability to take care of yourself from living, be proactive in learning, socially establish relationships, improve force life in all aspects better live staying at home. I completely agree with this view for several reasons.

Firstly, Pursue tertiary education environment will make you face not only school problems but also social relationships and part-time jobs. But with independent student life, you have to be in control of almost every decision. From there, you have to learn how to arrange and build a reasonable schedule to balance your life.


The second benefit will be very helpful for you when you officially enter the career path and make a living on their own. Because you will know how to allocate a reasonable amount of time to get things done, but there is still enough space to pursue your passion, gain expertise, and participate in decent activities and.

Once for and for all must be alert in relationships in student life. Choose friends to play with, find out what your personality is like to meet you who have the same intention, purpose, attitude, the right learning motive, distinguish your close friends, you and your friends. Primarily in love, be most sincere but do not depend on it, especially when you are a student, you should spend a lot of time studying, do not let the consequences.

In conclusion, although students can take a variety of advantages when living with parents, I agree that it should be better for them to stay away from home and experience many challenges that they have never met before.

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Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Accommodation indeed Where to live while attending university is one of the decisions aspects that college students often pay close attention to. Some people argued (wrong tense) that independent living is the ability to take care of yourself from living,(wrong expression) be proactive in learning, socially establish (wrong word order) relationships, improve force life (wrong expression) in all aspects better live (wrong expression) staying at home. (the previous sentence is ungrammatical, besides all the other problems) I completely agree with this view for several reasons.

Firstly, First, Pursue (wrong verb form, wrong capitalization) ) tertiary education environment will make you face (incorrect usage) not only school problems but also social relationships and part-time jobs. But with independent student life, you have to be in control of almost every decision. From there, you have to learn how to arrange and build a reasonable schedule to balance your life.


The second benefit (What was the first benefit?) will be very helpful for you when you officially (wrong word) enter the career path and make a living on their (wrong pronoun) own. Because you will know how to allocate a reasonable amount of time to get things done, but there is still enough space to pursue your passion, gain expertise, and participate in decent activities and. (incomplete sentence)


Once for and for all (wrong expression) must be alert in relationships (wrong expression) in student life. Choose (wrong verb form) friends to play with, find out (wrong verb form) what your personality is like to meet you who have the same intention, purpose, attitude, the right learning motive, distinguish your close friends, you and your friends. (Incomprehensible sentence.) Primarily in love, be most sincere but do not depend on it, especially when you are a student, you should spend a lot of time studying, do not let the consequences. (The previous sentence is garbled and ungrammatical . I have no idea what you are trying to say.)

In conclusion, although students can take a variety of advantages (You did not mention any one of these advantages.) when living with parents, I agree that it should be better for them to stay away (wrong usage - This means that they never visit their parents. ) from home and experience many challenges that they have never met before.