Task 2: Some people think the qualities a person needs to become successful in today's world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The world's economy is turning into a knowledgeable economy. That is the reason why education role is expressly important in our lives. I am in complete disagreement that colleges and academic organisations cannot bring to people's success.

To start with, it is undeniable that without having a degree many people can still reach achievement in their lives. For example, Bill Gates, who had dropped out of Harvard University, established Microsoft corporation, which one of the biggest ones in the world. So the success of a person not only relies on the study to increase the knowledge they have but it also needs a variety of factors like hard-working, responsibility, management skills. Other skills that are essential for them need to be practically experienced rather than just listen to tutors at college. For that, the university is just only a path, and people can choose others if they find it appropriate for them to pursue.

However, these are the scarcity in our lives, and the real font of success is still education. To achieve a goal, a person has to spend a lot of their time studying and experiencing. As a result, they will become well-informed, improve their life skills. A college will be useful for us to learn more about an area you interested in or which is relevant to your career. At school, we can also have a wide range of exciting experiences with friends or teachers. Many extracurricular activities are held each year like camping, visiting a museum or growing plants, it depends on each school. Furthermore, getting trouble is unavoidable for all of us, so the help of colleagues and tutors is essential. They can give some useful advice and promote you to become excellent. Also, you can have a chance to work with other preeminent people and learn more from them.

To conclude, I completely disagree with the position that it is not conducive to a person's success to study at a university or any academic systems. The school plays a vital role in helping individuals make inroads to broaden their horizons as well as self-develop essential skills wholly.

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[ 1] The world's economy is turning into a knowledgeable economy. [ 2] That is the reason why education role is particularly important in our lives. [ 3] I am in complete disagreement that colleges and academic organisations cannot bring to people's success. [ 4]

To start with, it is [ 5] undeniable that without having a degree many people can still reach achievement in their lives. [ 6] For example, Bill Gates, who had dropped out of Harvard University, established Microsoft companies, which one of the biggest corporations in the world. So the success of a person not only relies on the study to increase the knowledge but it also needs a variety of factors such as hard-working, responsibility, management skills. Other skills that are essential for them need to be practically experienced rather than just listen to classes at school. For that, the university is just only a path, and people can choose others if they find it appropriate for them to pursue.

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[ 1]: The sentence is faraway from the main topic here. The first sentence of the introduction should present the main topic to the reader. For example:

Success in life is important to every individual person.

[ 2]: Do not give reasons or specific results in the introduction. That kills the essay! That kind of information belongs in the conclusion.

Instead, you should give some background after the first sentence. For example:

The world is becoming more competitive, and the standard of living is rising in most countries, along with the associated cost of living. This puts even more pressure on people to be successful.

[ 3]: After the background, you present the issue/problem to the reader. For example:

However, some are of the opinion that in order to be successful in life, an individual does not need to have a tertiary education.

[ 4]: At the end of the introduction, you state your position (if required to do so). For example:

I firmly disagree with that assertion.

[ 5]: “Undeniable” is too strong, especially that this paragraph does not reflect your position. We can use, for example, “possible” instead.

[ 6]: Before you give an example, try to elaborate on (explain/say more about) the idea. In that paragraph, you might move some of the sentences around to achieve that.

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Fix the introduction and the first body paragraph and post them below. We can deal with the second body paragraph and the conclusion later.

niheoheoThe world's economy is turning into a knowledgeable economy.

That is off topic and you have incorrectly used the word "knowledgeable." A person is knowledgeable about a topic if they are an expert. Economies cannot be knowledgeable. They do not learn things.

niheoheoThat is the reason why education role is expressly important in our lives.

"Education role" is not a good phrase. You need "the role that education plays..."

niheoheo I am in complete disagreement that colleges and academic organisations cannot bring to people's success.

That makes no sense. The verb "bring" requires an object.

Every new healthy baby brings joy to the family.

You did not read the topic carefully enough to understand it.

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

Hi teacher. This is my new introduction and first body paragraph.

Success is important to every individual person, and in order to be successful in life, each person has their own way to reach the goal. However, some are of the opinion that to be a successful person, an individual does not need to have a tertiary education. I firmly disagree with that assertion.
To start with, it is possible that without having a degree many people can gain marvellous achievement in their lives. First, the success of a person not only relies on education but it also needs a number of life skills such as time management, interpersonal communication, self-reliant, critical thinking... To master them, people need to practical experience rather than just listen to tutors at college. For those, it is asserted that the university is just only a path, and people can choose other options if they find it appropriate for them to pursue. For example, Bill Gates, who had dropped out of Harvard University, established Microsoft corporation, which is one of the biggest ones in the world.

Hi teechr. This is my new introduction and first body paragraph.

Success is important to every individual person, and in order to be successful in life, each person has their own way to reach their goal. However, some are of the opinion that to be a successful person, an individual does not need to have a tertiary education. I firmly disagree with that assertion.

To start with, it is possible that without having a degree many people can gain marvellous achievement achieve much in their lives. First, the success of a person not only relies on education but it also needs a number of life skills such as time management, interpersonal communication, self-reliant, [ 1] self-reliance, [ 2] and critical thinking. To master them, people need to gain practical experience rather than just listen to tutors professors at college. For those, it is asserted In fact, many assert that the university is [ 3] just only a path, one alternative, and people can choose other options if which they find it more appropriate for them to pursue. For example, Bill Gates, who had dropped out of Harvard University, went on to establish Microsoft corporation, which is became one of the biggest ones companies in the world.

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[ 1]: self-reliant (adj), self-reliance (n)

[ 2]: Always use an appropriate conjunction (and/or) at the end of a list.

[ 3]: Use either “just” or “only”, not both.

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OK, now you can do the second body paragraph.

Ok, and the paragraph below is my new second body graph and conclusion.

However, it is a scarcity in our lives and the role of tertiary education is indispensable for each individual. To achieve a goal, a person must spend a lot of their time accumulating experiences and life skills such as time-management skill, interpersonal communication, teamwork skill or self-independence. A college will be important to help you learn more about areas you interested in or which are relevant to your future career, so it is an opportunity for young people to become well-informed, seasoned in their area and prepare a fundamental foundation for future life. In university, we can also have a wide range of exciting activities and experiences with friends or professors. Many extracurricular activities and social events are held each year like camping, visiting a museum, growing plants or communicating with celebrities... For that, college students could gain a lot of interesting and informative lessons as well as various outlooks in life. Furthermore, getting trouble is inevitable for all of us on daily basis, so the assistance of colleagues and tutors is useful and necessary. They can give some practical advice and promote you to become more excellent. Also, you could have a chance to work with preeminent people and learn more from them.
To conclude, I completely disagree with the position that it is not conducive to an individual's success to study at a university or any academic systems. In fact, the university plays a vital role in helping individuals make inroads to achieve success.

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However, [ 1] it is a scarcity in our lives success stories like that of Bill Gates are rare, and the role of tertiary education is indispensable for each an individual to achieve success. To achieve a goal, be successful, a person must spend a lot of their time accumulating experiences and learn life skills such as time-management, skill, interpersonal communication, teamwork skill or self- independence. A college will be important to University not only teaches young people help you learn more about areas you interested in or subjects which are relevant to your their future career, so it is also provides them an opportunity for young people to acquire the aforementioned skills. become well-informed, seasoned in their area and prepare a fundamental foundation for future life. In university, we can also have a wide range of exciting activities and experiences with friends or professors. Many extracurricular activities and social events are held each year like camping, visiting a museum, growing plants or communicating with celebrities... For that, college students could gain a lot of interesting and informative lessons as well as various outlooks in life. Furthermore, getting trouble is inevitable for all of us on daily basis, so the assistance of colleagues and tutors is useful and necessary. They can give some practical advice and promote you to become more excellent. Also, you could have a chance to work with preeminent people and learn more from them.[ 2]

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[ 1]: That underlined part is unnatural. Remember that the topic sentence is VERY important. If you write a bad topic sentence, you leave a bad impression with the reader/examiner. Always focus on expressing your ideas in a simple, direct and concise manner.

[ 2]: This is too long. Think of one or two good examples to support what you discussed and squeeze them into one or two sentences at the paragraph. Post below.

Hi teechr, last week I had some assignments to do, so I couldn't send you sooner. The two paragraphs below are my fixed ones, please help me check it.

However, success stories like that of Bill Gates are rare and the role of tertiary education is indispensable for an individual's success. First, each person needs to prepare a basic foundation before starting any jobs, and the university enables them to be more confident and willing to cope with any difficulties in life. Additionally, to be successful, a person must accumulate experiences and learn life skills such as time-management skills, interpersonal communication, teamwork skills or self-independence and the college not only teaches young people subjects which are relevant to their future career but also provides them with opportunities to acquire the aforementioned skills. For example, many extracurricular activities and social events are held each year at the university, the college students can gain a wide range of exciting knowledge and informative lessons from these. Sometimes, getting into trouble is inevitable for all of them, so the assistance of colleagues and tutors is also really useful and necessary.

In conclusion, I completely disagree with the position that it is not conducive to studying at a university or any academic systems. In fact, the university plays an important role in helping individuals to make inroads into today life.

Hi teechr, last week I had some assignments to do, so I couldn't send you [ 1] sooner. The two paragraphs below are [ 2] my fixed ones, [ 3] please help me check it. [ 4]

However, success stories like that of Bill Gates are rare and the role of tertiary education is indispensable for an individual's success. First, each a person needs to be qualified prepare a basic foundation before starting to get any decent job. [ 4]

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[ 1]: That’s missing an object. As it stands, it means you are sending me (teechr) somewhere! You can say “I couldn't send you a message sooner”, but a more natural phrase would be: “I couldn't work on this essay sooner”.

[ 2]: That’s unnatural. A better way of saying it is: “Below are the two revised paragraphs”.

[ 3]: That comma is wrong (comma splice error). You have two independent clauses, so you can either use a full stop to separate them or use a suitable coordinating conjunction to link them.

[ 4]: don’t use “and” to introduce a new idea in the middle of a body paragraph. In fact, what you should do is:

- Present an idea.

- Elaborate on it.

- Give an example or two to persuade/convince the reader.

This is the general-to-specific structure that is important in body paragraphs. You start with an idea, zoom onto it, and then you move on to the next. Also, don’t cram your paragraph with too many ideas/examples, and avoid repetition. See if you can do that for the above paragraph. Remember, you don’t have much time in the exam to be writing long paragraphs, so it’s much better to focus on quality (meaningful concise sentences) instead of quantity (long repetitive text with errors in it).

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