Dear friends...i might run out of time ...I want your help badly...thanks thanks...Emotion: smile
this is my first draft:
With a stronger, braver and more indomitable personality tempered during the hard-working days in my complete learning life, the right time for me to pursue a higher goal has approached. /(During the hard working days of my learning life, a stronger, braver and more indomitable personality has been tempered. So the right time has come to pursue a higher goal) I’m here applying for the admission to the programme of BA Cultural Anthropology and Developmental sociology.

I grew up with a zeal for social science, which formed me an excelled Arts student. During the high school years, not only the respective fields i.e. Chinese ancient and modern history, modern history of the world, political economics, philosophy etc. which concerning such a crucial clue of Humanity and advancing, but also the organic relationship and comparison between diverse subjects in the very realm has unfolded me a colorful social historic scroll. As an Arts student , undoubtedly my concentration has been focused on the social science, but the studying of other science subjects and Mathematics all through the process has brought me much more effective tools and techniques wherever in logical analysis or rational conclusion, and moreover, it has endowed me with an objective and comprehensive attitude.

My special interest in geography has been aroused since I was a little girl who often stood against a wall staring at a huge map. Gradually, I became fond of collecting different maps and atlases including all kinds of information related to the visible world, which is the basis adhered with invisible wealth , namely the section I’ve chosen to major in, and from which I felt about the nature and its owner’s evolving.

As more and more categories of knowledge being injected into my ken, I tend to be keen on reading travel notes and watching the programs regarding different cultures and customs, it’s evitable that they have transferred me the most direct and profound impression to the cultural and social phenomenon. The read about the Nobel Prize winner Pearl S. Buck’s autobiography and her works has sent me an enlightenment saying that the best way to observe and savour the existence and shape of a certain society or community whatever, is just to get oneself mingled with them. Therefore, to get a systematic education and research training in your courses and relevant activities in and outside such a realm could help me obtain the skills of communicating and exploring and better refine the essence.

What’s motivated me doesn’t limit in the very subject, but the esteemed University of Leiden and the grace city itself as well. Nobody can resist from being overwhelmed amidst such a circumstance described like: a long queue of professors and newly graduators dressed in degree gowns, with the houses and the brick paths built 400 years ago being the witness, walking to the graduation ceremony. I am definitely not an exception. Secondly, the fact that *** University’s owning the unique library of Chinese literary quotations has uncontroversially /(Indisputable)made you the center of Sino studies in Europe, as well as the brilliant academic and applied achievements that you have dedicated to the world over, do attract me a lot and eventually, during the former applying procedure, the officer’s rapid, detailed and sincere response and instructions has moved me so much .

I was born Sagittarius, it’s the zodiac who has been given an insightful, intuitive and adventurous character. After experiencing several (adj.) travels and some unforgettable activities like attending a national language competition, being a conductor of a chorus(…) , I am able to feel about and predict an individual’s motivation, and a certain nation and the forming altogether with the evolution of an entire culture circle and also, it educated me to be more independent and flexible-acting when meet an emergency and it taught me how to coordinate and co-operate. Needless to say, I will benefit from it not only in the overseas days but also the future research life,and I am sure my crazy about soccer can earn me tons of friends.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

yours sincerely,
Guo Ying
1 2 3 4
It is a little bit flowery, Reviver. Maybe we can make it a little more formal. I have left out the reference to your Zodiacal sign, as this is not considered significant in the west.

Dear Sirs,

Having studied hard during my education to date, and gained good grades, I am applying to you to study for a BA in Cultural Anthropology and Developmental Science.

I had a broad education, studying Chinese ancient and modern history, modern history of the world, political economics, philosophy etc. and gained an awareness of the Humanities. Although favouring the social sciences, I incorporated other social science subjects and mathematics into my studies, which I believe has helped me develop effective techniques and given me an awareness of the necessary methods to pursue logical analysis and draw rational conclusions.

I developed an interest in geography as a very young child, when I was fascinated by maps. I gradually collected maps and atlases, and a small library of geographical texts and information. I enjoy reading travel books, and am fascinated by documentaries about different cultures and customs. I was inspired by the autobiography of Pearl S. Buck, and agree that the best way to study any community or society is to live amongst the people.

I am applying to study at the University of Leiden because of its sound academic record, its history, and the beautiful city in which it lies. Further, the University owns a unique library of Chinese literature, and is undoubtedly the European centre of Chinese Studies. I believe that studying at your institution, together with extra-curricular activities, would improve my communication, study and research skills.

I consider myself to be insightful, intuitive and adventurous. I also have determination and strength of character, which I feel will enable me to benefit from the University and the city. I am independent, calm under pressure, and have good interpersonal skills. I enjoy travelling and having new experiences, and I am interested in languages and choral music, and enjoy playing football.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I hope I may look forward to a positive response.

yours sincerely,
Guo Ying

thank you very much Abbie,your suggestion is beneficial.But what I wanna figure out is that could I just have to make it formal, and sometimes ordinary? I do know there're too much decorations,and metaphors, but need I take all of them off ??I just wonder whether I could hold an individual style of writing and ...moreover,it's undoubtedly that each institution has its own attitude towards the applicants??I don't think they are fond of reading thousands of letters in the same style ,right? And I feel that in your piece , there are too much "I",will it show an unreal impression??? At last,the letters is required 500 - 1000 words...
Emotion: smile Thank you:)
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Hi Reviver,

You are right that each institution has its own attitude. However, if your style is too different, it can be difficult to read.

The use of "I" is both acceptable and correct, because they really want to know about you.
As you say, they are reading lots of applications from very bright people, so you do need to make yours stand out a bit.

I suggest you tell them more about yourself, particularly about your hobbies. Conducting the chorus, for example - what sort of music? have you entered any competitions? Do you sing, or play a musical instrument?

Your travels: you found them exciting. Where did you go, and what was exciting? What did you learn?

Talk a little bit more about your football.

In the west, Universities are interested not only in your academic ability (though that is important) but also in the sort of person you are, and what you will bring to the University. They may, for instance, be desperate to start a Chinese Choir (although don't offer to start one), or they may need a really good striker / goalkeeper, whatever.

PS I once gave a woman an interview for a job because she put 'bunjee jumping' as a hobby!
I rewrote some pieces about the first para...which one do you prefer?
1.
With a stronger and more indomitable personality tempered during the hard-working days in my education to date, now I find it the right time for me to pursue a higher goal. I’m here applying for the admission to the programme of BA Cultural Anthropology and Developmental sociology.
2.
Having a strong and indomitable personality tempered during the hard-working days in my education to date, supported me in gaining good grades. Now I find myself ready to reach out for a higher educational goal. Thus I am applying to you to study for a BA in Cultural Anthropology and Developmental Science.
3.
The hard-working days of education in China formed my strong and indomitable personality. Now I think I am ready to reach out for a higher educational goal. Thus I am applying to you to study for a BA in Cultural Anthropology and Developmental Science.
Emotion: tongue tied
I don't think I would describe yourself as having an "indomitable personality". Although it describes someone strong, brave, determined and difficult to defeat or frighten, it may be misread in a negative sense. You may give the impression of being stubborn! Why not describe yourself as having strength of character?

During my education to date, my strength of character and determination to achieve my goals enabled me to work hard and achieve good grades. Now I find myself ready to reach out for a higher educational goal, and I am applying to you to study for a BA in Cultural Anthropology and Developmental Science.
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yea...you're right,well, compare to yours,mine is absolutely funny ...(blush)
and I am working on my last para, to make it more specific ...but there's a problem,how can i know which one should be put in my CV,and the same one be put in the ML???
it's the revision: from the second para

My education in China was broad, including studies of ancient and modern history, modern history of the world, political economics, philosophy etc. This variety of topics enabled me to gain an awareness of the Humanities. Although favouring the social sciences, I incorporated other social science subjects and mathematics into my studies, which I believe has helped me to develop effective techniques and has given me an awareness of the necessary methods to pursue logical analysis and draw rational conclusions.

As a very young child I was fascinated by maps of countries far away, often standing in front of a huge world map, which was painted on the wall. During the years I developed an interest in geography. This fascination is still there and I own a collection of maps and atlases. My own small library of geographical texts and information supports me in my geographical studies. I enjoy reading travel reports, and am fascinated by documentaries about different cultures and customs. A special inspiration supporting this interest was the autobiography of Pearl S. Buck the Nobel Prize winner and I agree with her that the best way to study any community or society is to live amongst the people.

The decision to apply at the University of Leiden is based on its sound academic record, its history, and the beautiful city in which it lies. Especially the university’s historical commitment to critical thinking and the art of debate raised my interest. I do believe in the strength of independent thinking in combination with a continuous process of discussion. As an independent thinker I would love to take part in that ongoing process of change.

Furthermore the University owns a unique library of Chinese literature, and is undoubtedly the European centre of sinology. Studying my own country and cultural origin from an outside perspective seems to be challenging to me as well. Changing the point of view will support my level of understanding Chinese culture and history.

During the application process the officer´s rapid, detailed and sincere responses to my innumerable questions ensured me of my choice. I believe that studying at your institution, together with extra-curricular activities, would improve my communication, study and research skills.

I consider myself to be insightful, intuitive and adventurous. I also have determination and strength of character, which I feel will enable me to benefit from the University and the city. I am independent, calm under pressure, and have good interpersonal skills. I enjoy travelling and having new experiences, and I am interested in languages. My hobbies choral musics and football taught me to co-operate and communicate with other people and made me a flexible team player.
(I should add some more examples to the last para... i am working on it)
how about the paras above?
Hi Reviver ,

This is sounding really good. There are a few expressions which we might not use exactly as you have, but I think that is absolutely as it should be. After all, you don't want to send a letter in perfect English, as even most English people don't do that! And it has your own style in it.

I like the correlation between your hobbies and the development of your character. perhaps you might add a paragraph prior to this, just outlining your hobbies briefly, as in my previous post.

e.g. I love choral music, and I am the conductor of a choir which sings (Chinese opera/ American rap music - whatever it is you sing). We sing regularly in (local town hall, village square - wherever) and the choir is very poplular. I also play the trombone. I enjoy music because ......

I also play for our local football team, and am the leading goal scorer/ the goalkeeper / striker - whatever. I play regularly, and the team is in the local competition (or, we play friendly matches against teams from other towns) etc.
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