From my perspective, this problem is caused by some factors, and it leads to a wide range of positive impacts.

To begin with, several compelling reasons can be recorded to explain the loss of concentration and the attention of students at school. Many students in the present day tend to play computer games, easily lost in the virtual world. A typical example of this is that some popular games have a tendency to attract more attention to young people like Pubg, the legend of leagues. This easily makes them addicted to and wastes a lot of time playing games overnight which directly deteriorates physical and mental health. Second, there are a ton of deadlines that make a negative impact on students like feeling overwhelmed and sometimes exhausted. To illustrate, it enables them to do assignments throughout the night, causing less sleep and inadequate energy to start a new day at school.

Furthermore, feasible solutions can be taken to tackle the aforementioned problem. First, teachers are more disciplined and dedicated to themselves and students. For instance, lecturers tend to tailor teaching styles which helps students who performed education badly to study under supervision, interactive learning with people who are high-flyers to have a good grasp of knowledge. Second, organizing some extracurricular activities allow students to enhance soft skills and release stress after a hard-working day. To illustrate, some outdoor activities held in school help students to bond the relationship with peers and develop social skills

To sum up, it is clear that there are various reasons why students nowadays have less attention and concentration at school, some measures could be taken to solve this problem.

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Today children find it difficult to concentrate and pay attention at school. What are the causes and what are the solutions?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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From my perspective, this problem is caused by some factors, and it leads to a wide range of positive impacts.

That is an inferior opening paragraph. What problem are you talking about? Every problem in the world has causes, so you are not saying anything at all. You must give some background information related to the topic and write a thesis statement. You can invent something, as long as it is plausible.

e.g.

I recently observed a group of ten-year-old children in a classroom of a nearby primary school. They were all fidgety, anxious and restless and paid no attention to the teacher's math lesson. I asked the teacher after class, and she told me that this behavior is a problem she began to see ten years ago, and it has been getting worse. I believe the causes have to do with recent changes in the way children are raised now and the availability of inexpensive electronic toys. There are some things that parents and schools can do about it.


To begin with, several compelling reasons can be given recorded to explain the loss of concentration and the attention of students at school. Many students in the present day tend to play computer games, and are easily lost in the virtual world. A typical example of this is a that some popular game, like Pubg, the legend of leagues, have a tendency to which attracts more the attention of to young people like Pubg, the legend of leagues. This easily makes them addicted to and wastes a lot of time playing games overnight which directly deteriorates physical and mental health. Second, there are a ton of (This is too informal for an academic essay.) deadlines that make a negative impact on students like feeling overwhelmed and sometimes exhausted. (Poor English) To illustrate this, it enables (I do not understand this. If you give an illustration, you must give a real example. e.g. My little brother had homework for English, Math and history all due the next day....) them to do assignments throughout the night, causing less sleep and inadequate energy to start a new day at school.

Furthermore, feasible solutions can be taken to tackle this the aforementioned (Forget the word "aforementioned". Do not use it. It is not good. Use pronouns -- this, these -- instead. That's what pronouns are for. ) problem. First, teachers are more disciplined and dedicated to themselves and students. (I don't know what you mean. This is not any solution.) For instance, lecturers (That is a word for university or college, not for primary school) tend to tailor teaching styles which helps students who performed education (wrong expression. We can perform a task, perform a job and perform in a concert, but "perform education" makes no sense. ) badly to study under supervision, interactive learning with people who are high-flyers (I do not know what you mean here. "High-flyer" is an informal term for a business context to mean someone who is frequently promoted. It is not for children in school.) to have a good grasp of knowledge. Second, organizing some extracurricular activities allow students to use their enhance soft skills (This is not appropriate for children. It is a term for a business context. Use terms that relate to children - those are kids aged six to 12) and release stress after a hard-working day. (Do children work?) To illustrate this, some outdoor activities held in school help students to make friends, let off excess energy and cheer the school's winning football team. bond the relationship with peers and develop social skills

To sum up, it is clear that there are various reasons why students nowadays have less attention and concentration at school, (comma splice error. You cannot join two main clauses with a comma.) some measures could be taken to solve this problem.

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thanks so much <3 you've helped me too much on these essays and such a great favor for me to know you.