Hello teachers, please check these essays in the IELTS test for me. Thank you for your help <3

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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

My essay:

The rise in crime nowadays becomes one of the most severe issues of each country. To solve this problem, we need practical solutions and an in-depth analysis of the current circumstance.

Several reasons cause the continuous increase of crime in the world. The first important one is the incomplete education program in these countries. In particular, children do not have a chance to raise awareness through simple lessons about rules and regulations. Furthermore, parents are busy with work and personal relationships, preventing them from taking care of their children at home. As a result, they could not distinguish between right and wrong when becoming teenagers or adults. Another thing is that the current prison sentences for criminals, especially the serious ones such as murder or arson, are relatively short. These offenders could not have enough time to reflect on themselves and usually tend to repeat an offence when released from prison. Hence, the combination of new criminals and reoffenders leads to an increase in crime in each country.

To deal with these problems, education at a very young age should be considered. They need to be involved in simple and practical lessons about crime, which provide the basic information related to laws and regulations in their nation. It could make children effortlessly distinguish between right and wrong. Moreover, parents should set a good example of law-abiding citizens and spend their valuable time educating their children. Besides, longer prison sentences with the support of vocational training and psychological advice should be imposed to decrease crime drastically. Offenders would have no intention to relapse into criminal behaviors when released from prison, rehabilitate and have a stable job in the future. These solutions, thus, would positively affect the current problem.

In conclusion, education from teachers and parents plays an essential role in the criminal rise in society. Only through lessons at a young age and longer sentences, all countries could fight against this insurgence.

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Again, thank you for reading this essay.

Vu Le To solve this problem, we need practical solutions and an in-depth analysis of the current circumstance.

Is that going to be your essay argument? This is the answer of your thesis statement.

Each country must set up a commission to investigate the crimes and gather statistics. Then they have to hire sociologies who are expert in criminal activity. They will go into the community and do interviews of the victims and also interview the perpetrators.

The rise in crime nowadays becomes is one of the most severe issues in each country. To solve this problem, we need practical solutions and an in-depth analysis of the current circumstance.

Your essay paragraphs do not match your thesis statement. The reader is confused.

This is a thesis statement:

One of the principle causes is poor education, which does not cover the country's legal system. And there is a fairly simple remedy, comprehensive lessons on what is right and what is wrong.

Several reasons cause the continuous increase of crime in the world. The first important one is the incomplete education program in these countries. In particular, children do not have a chance to learn raise awareness through simple lessons about rules and regulations through simple lessons. Furthermore, parents are busy with work and personal relationships, preventing them from taking care of their children at home. As a result, they could are not able to distinguish between right and wrong when becoming teenagers or adults. Another thing is that the current prison sentences for criminals, especially the serious ones such as murder or arson, are relatively short. These offenders could not have enough time to reflect on their crimes themselves and usually tend to repeat an offence when released from prison. Hence, the combination of new criminals and reoffenders leads to an increase in crime in each country.

To deal with these problems, education at a very young age should be considered. Pupils need to be involved in simple and practical lessons about crime, which provide the basic information related to laws and regulations in their nation. It could make them children effortlessly distinguish between right and wrong when they become juveniles. Moreover, parents should set a good example of law-abiding citizens and spend their valuable time educating their children. Besides, longer prison sentences with the support of vocational training and psychological advice should be imposed to further decrease crime drastically. Offenders would have no intention to relapse into criminal behaviors when released from prison. They would be rehabilitated and have a stable job in the future. These solutions, thus, would ameliorate positively affect the current problem.

In conclusion, education from teachers and parents plays an essential role in the criminal rise in society. Only through lessons at a young age and longer sentences, could all countries could fight against it. this insurgence.


You referred to young students, so you can use "pupils"


Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

Thank you for giving comments on my essay. I will try to correct it. Have a nice day, teacher!

I have changed some ideas and written this essay again. Could you please check it for me? Thank you so muchhhh

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The rise in crime is one of the most severe menaces in each country. In the current essay, I would like to discuss the fundamental causes and propose some potential solutions to solve this problem.

The first one is that children in these countries do not have a chance to access practical lessons in school. In the lack of basic information about rules and regulations, the awareness of the young generation could not be utterly raised. As a result, they could find it difficult to distinguish right or wrong in human behavior when becoming juveniles. Another thing is that the current prison sentences for criminals, especially the severe ones such as murder or arson, are relatively short. These offenders could not have enough time to reflect on their crimes and usually tend to repeat an offence when released from prison. Hence, the combination of new criminals and reoffenders leads to an increase in crime.

To deal with these problems, the cooperation between teachers and parents to educate pupils needs to be considered. Simple lessons at school and behavior modification at home could effortlessly form the molarity and logical thinking, which facilitate them becoming law-abiding citizens in the future. Besides, appropriate prison sentences with the support of vocational training and psychological advice should be provided to prevent offenders from relapsing into criminal behaviors. When released from prison, these criminals could be rehabilitated and have more potential opportunities in terms of future careers. These solutions, thus, would ameliorate the current problem.

In conclusion, education and prison sentences play an essential role in the criminal rise in society. Only through a suitable education system and appropriate prison sentences, could all countries fight against it.

Vu Le In the current essay, I would like to discuss the fundamental causes and propose some potential solutions to solve this problem.

The examiner knows you are writing an essay.
They know the topic and instructions.

Do not say " I am writing an essay "

Do not say "this essay will discuss"

Do not say "In my essay, I will ..."

Do not make such statements announcing "I am going to tell you about this topic."

NEVER mention "essay".

This is the right way:

Answer the essay prompts. Give a direct answer. That is the theme of your essay. That is the main point of your essay. That is what the examiner is interested in - your answer. Not "I am writing an essay on this topic."

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