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Please read through the application and make corrections where you find mistakes. Your suggestions to make the appeal stronger are more then welcome. Thanks.

Subject: Request for transfer from District Palma to District Shan

I am Writing to request consideration for a transfer from my position as a secondary school teacher at Government Girls High school, Palma to a similar position, a vacancy at Government Girls High school, Shan. I have been teaching in the aforesaid school since 2013. This school is in District Palma while I'm living in District Shan. I have a four years old son which really makes it difficult for me to travel between Palma and Shan twice daily. The journey alone is very hard for I have to change three different vehicle and it takes two hours to get there in public transport. I get very tired because of this igonious and tiresome journey and all my energy which I should utilise in my job is dissipated. It is not possible for me to move to Palma and live alone as both my parents and in-laws are living in Shan.

My reputation as a teacher is outstanding. Despite the difficulty I face to get to school, I am very punctual and regular and my attendance is above 95%. My students are satisfied with my method of teaching, and they always show good results in the subjects I teach them. I always proved friendly and helpful to colleagues; they have no complaints against me. My mendatory tenure for working in a school before transferring to another school is also completed. I, therefore, request you to transfer me to Government Girls High school, Shan.

I hope you will consider my request and will alleviate the hardship I have been suffering from for five years by issuing my transfer order soon.

Thanks in anticipation.

Yours truly,

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sundarnazYour suggestions to make the appeal stronger are more than then welcome. Thanks.

Subject: Request for transfer from District Palma to District Shan

I am Writing to request consideration for a transfer from my current position as a secondary school teacher at Government Girls High School, Palma to a similar position, a vacancy at Government Girls High School, Shan. I have been teaching in the aforesaid school since 2013. If I were transferred, my life would be considerably easier, since I'm living in District Shan. As it is, I have an arduous, tiresome commute on public transport where I have to transfer three times, taking me two hours each way. I have am four years old son which really makes it difficult for me to travel between Palma and Shan twice daily. The journey alone is very hard for I have to change three different vehicle and it takes two hours to get there in public transport. I get very tired because of this Moving to Palma is out of the question since I have a four-year-old son, and no family living there. My parents and in-laws live in Shan. igonious and tiresome journey and all my energy which I should utilise in my job is dissipated. It is not possible for me to move to Palma and live alone as both my parents and in-laws are living in Shan.

I have been teaching in Palma since 2013. My reputation as a teacher is outstanding. Despite the difficulty I face getting to get to school, I am very punctual and regular and my attendance is above 95%. My students are satisfied with my method of teaching, and they always show good results in the subjects I teach them. I am always proved friendly and helpful to colleagues; they have no complaints against me. I have completed the mandatory period mendatory tenure for working in a school before transferring to another school is also completed. I, therefore, request you to transfer me to Government Girls High School, Shan.

I hope you will consider my request and will alleviate the hardship I have been suffering from for the past five years by issuing my transfer order soon.

Thanks in anticipation.

Yours truly,

Comments  

ubject: Request for transfer from District Palma to District Shan

I am writing to request consideration for a transfer from my position as a secondary school teacher at Government Girls High school, Palma, [comma] to a similar position, now open, at Government Girls High School, Shan. I have been teaching in Palma since 2013 while living in District Shan. I have a four-year-old son which really makes it difficult for me to travel between Palma and Shan twice daily. The journey alone is very hard for I have to change vehicles [change buses??] and it takes two hours to make the trip. I get very tired because of this igonious and tiresome journey and much of the energy which I should utilise in my job is dissipated. It is not possible for me to move to Palma and live alone as both my parents and in-laws are living in Shan. [The reasoning of this sentence is not quite clear. Perhaps continue sentence with "and I depend on them for childcare". ]

My reputation as a teacher is outstanding. Despite the difficulty I face getting to school, I am very punctual and regular and my attendance is above 95%. My students are satisfied with my method of teaching, and they always show good results in the subjects I teach them. I have always proved friendly and helpful to colleagues; they have no complaints against me. My mandatory tenure for working in a school before transferring to another school is also completed. I therefore request a transfer to Government Girls High school, Shan.

I hope you will consider my request and will alleviate the hardship I have undergone for five years by issuing my transfer order as soon as is practical.

Thanks in anticipation.

Yours truly,

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

This much mistakes!

Thanks both of you.