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Hello, I am in the process of submitting an application to an American university through the National Student Exchange. I have just finished my motivation letter, and since english is my second language, I would need someone to proof read my letter and highlight grammar and syntax mistakes (or other majors flaws). Thank you! Here it is:

Dear Sir or Madam:

My name is x, and I am a Canadian citizen currently studying at the Université du Québec à Montréal. Along with this letter, I am sending you my complete application form, through the National Student Exchange, for you to consider my admission to Stony Brook University’s fall 2011 semester.

Because your institution is highly regarded by scholars and specialists from around the world, I understand a great number of exchange students must apply each year to be admitted to Stony Brook University. In order to help you make a decision, I will try to expend succinctly about myself, my background, my goals, and why I believe I would make a great addition to your student body.

Sometimes grades can be misleading: an otherwise excellent student, going through a personal or familial crisis, can see his results deteriorate drastically over the period of a semester, or even a whole year. In my case, though, they show a direct, simple story: the evolution of my motivation and my work ethic over the last four years.

A glance at my academic record transcript will show you that I have started my university studies on the wrong foot. Indeed, I “completed” my first semester in fall 2006 with a catastrophic 1,58 GPA! I could state many excuses for this mediocre start, but I will simply say that I was not taking my studies seriously: unregistering from classes when the workload was too significant, dropping out of those I was not immediately interested in, etc. But that first year had the effect of a wake-up call: I needed to start applying myself or reconsider my future. Thus, during the summer break, I began setting up some clear goals: I decided I wanted to experience an exchange in another country, after discussing with a friend who had had the privilege of studying abroad. Over the next semester, something else became clear to me: I wanted to obtain my master’s degree and teach literature. Now, these objectives meant that I needed to significantly improve my GPA. It was not easy to come back from such a start, but once goals were clarified, my motivation and work ethic blossomed continuously over the next semesters, and better grades came naturally. Thus, over the last two years, I managed to complete each course I enrolled in, while maintaining a 3,65 GPA. Now confident that my academic record is strong enough to justify acceptance at your university, I am ready to embark on the path of achieving my first goal.

There never was a doubt in my mind that if I were to apply for a student exchange, the United States would be my one and only choice of destination. I have been fascinated by American culture since childhood: at first, through movies and music, and, more recently, through its literature; most of my favourite authors are Americans: Ernest Hemingway, John Fante, J.D. Salinger and Raymond Carver are all writers I admire deeply.

I have chosen to apply at your institution because it is amongst the best public universities in the country. If I could participate in an exchange for a whole year, I would not think twice about it. But unfortunately, I only have four classes towards the completion of my baccalaureate. However, I do intend on making the best of the semester that is ahead of me: getting involved in student life through activities, sports, student clubs, etc., or helping French major students perfect their French through tutoring are many of things I plan on pursuing next fall.

I have no doubt that this is an experience I would never forget, an experience that would enrich my life for years to come, and help shape my future graduate studies, and career.

Thank you very much for your attention to all these matters and for your consideration of my application. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

x
Comments  
First of all, I think they'd accept you.

You sound confident and like you know what you want.

Your grammar and synatx are excellent.

However, I would say:

...to the fall 2011 semester at Stony Brook Uni.

... around the world (not from around the world)

... expand (not expend)

The rest is great!
thank you, I really appreciated your help and feedback!

have a good life

bye