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Today, some people assume that university education should be free of charge for all students. From my perspective, I do not totally support this idea.

It is irrefutable that students derive great benefits from cutting college fee. First, people from different social classes are able to go to school. It is of great importance for disadvantaged students who live in remote or mountainous areas. Tuition fee would be no longer a burden for them so they can be relieved a gigantic amount of financial pressure. Thus, these students can make their all efforts to study and will not be distract by part-time jobs which used to earned money for tuition fee. Second, thanks to enormous number of college students, the countries may enhance the social understanding and academic levels in the future. The more students graduate, the more high-qualified employees are supplied to labor-market. In the long term, not only will it facilitate national education but it also make the economies flourish.

However, it is not without drawbacks. First, that universities will not collect tuition fees means that residents have to pay higher tax. People who are having a job have an indirectly financial duty regarding supporting domestic education. It will create a considerable pressure on them because not everyone is lucky enough to have well-paid jobs. Take Vietnam as an example, many Vietnamese employees are labor workers who only earn an adequate amount of money to make a living. They may suffer from some detrimental effects should the governments cut the college fee and impose a greater tax on them. Second, some students lacking motivations will take it for granted. They may neglect their studies. Therefore, it is feasible that dropping-out rate will increase.

To sum up, although this proposals have many advantages, they are overshadowed by the disadvantages.

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Today, some people assume that university education should be free of charge for all students. From my perspective, (This is redundant with "I support.") I do not totally support this idea.

(It is better to give a positive rather than negative statement. It is far easier to understand. e.g.

I somewhat support this idea.
In general, I agree with this, but have some reservations.
I would completely agree with this idea, except for a couple of considerations.
I would wholeheartedly endorse this but for two negative aspects which make it completely untenable.



It is irrefutable that students derive great benefits from cutting college fee. (There are problems with this phrase. 1) Cutting means reduce, not eliminate. 2) In the UK, college is different from university. It is a lower level of education. 3) The word "fee" is the wrong form. In the US, it is tuition and fees. In the UK, it is course fees.) . First, people from different social classes are able to go to school. It is of great importance for disadvantaged students who live in remote or mountainous areas. Tuition fee would be no longer a burden for them so they can be relieved of a gigantic (This is not a good word choice.) amount of financial pressure. Thus, these students can make (wrong word) their all efforts to study and will not be distract (wrong form) by part-time jobs which used to earned (wrong expression ) money for tuition fee. (repetitious, also the wrong form) Second, thanks to enormous (This is not a good word choice.) number of college students, the countries may enhance (wrong word) the social understanding and academic levels in the future. The more students who graduate, the more high-qualified employees there are for the supplied to labor-market. (wrong form ) In the long term, not only will it facilitate national education but it also make the economies flourish.

However, it is not without drawbacks. First, that universities will not collect tuition fees means that residents have to pay higher tax. (wrong form) People who are having (wrong form) a job have an indirectly (wrong form) financial duty regarding supporting domestic education. It will create a considerable pressure on them because not everyone is lucky enough to have well-paid (wrong form) jobs. Take Vietnam as an example, many Vietnamese employees are labor workers (wrong expression ) who only earn enough an adequate amount of money to make a living. They may suffer from some detrimental effects should the governments cut the college fee and impose a greater tax on them. Second, some students lacking motivations (wrong form) will take it for granted. They may neglect their studies. Therefore, it is feasible that dropping-out (wrong form) rate will increase.

To sum up, although this proposals (wrong form )have many advantages, they are overshadowed by the disadvantages.

Comments  

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: University education should be free to everyone, regardless of income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.