Hello guys!

I wrote this text but I am very unsure. So it would be very very very nice if you could correct it and proof it by grammer, spelling and if it is comprehensible. Eventually you could tell me if I shall write an conclusion (or if the introduction is enough). Please criticise the best you can and even name the most unimportant mistake.

Thank you very much.

Mrs. Smith’s political speech from July 2003 is given in rhetorical language and engaged with diverse stylistic devices to persuade the audience of his proposal.

Smith focuses on the listener’s sense of coherence and convincing them that only an active involvement will lead to alteration.

Thus he firstly uses the possessive pronoun “my grandmother” (l.2) to include the audience into his family and intensifying the impression of togetherness and intimacy.

The repetition of “and” (l.5) shall clarify the importance of each enumerated value (beauty, power, culture) and accordingly the significance of striving after these.

For that reason he continues with the imperative “we must build such a company” to achieve the comprehension that the listeners have to contribute actively to the establishment of an unity. This appeal additionally supports the fictional dialogue between speaker and audience and establishes solidarity through the inclusive pronoun “we”. Through this, a more personal contact, even when mediated, between Smith and his listeners is reached.

Furthermore, the metaphor of the “rainbow” and its “colours”, which is used constantly during the speech, serves as a device to illustrate that the different ethnic groups have to unify in order realize their targets.

In this regard, Smith compares the individual social groups and their efforts with the single colours of the rainbow. This example shall visualise that the colours cannot make a rainbow for their selves, as the interests of the assemblies alone will not contribute to common welfare. This metaphor involves the audience in the creation of the persuader’s idea and is accordingly more conceived and supported.

Another stylistic device the speaker makes use of is parallelism (l.7-l.15). The sentences with identical syntax and partial the same words intensify the function of appeal and make the context more memorable for the listener.

Again he augments the importance of unifying and even assigns national priority to this matter by the repetition of “and” (l.20-23). Here he evokes values and conditions which are of great value and should accordingly be aspired.
Is Smith a man or a woman? If a man then it should be Mr Smith, if a woman then you need to use the female of her/she not his/he throughout the essay.
No! Its a man! What a mistake...shame on me:(
Does that mean the rest of my text is correct??
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Hi, you also need to work on the highlighted parts.

Mrs. Smith’s political speech from July 2003 is given in rhetorical language and engaged with diverse stylistic devices to persuade the audience of his proposal.

Smith focuses on the listener’s sense of coherence and on convincing them that only an active involvement will lead to alteration.

Thus he firstly uses the possessive pronoun “my grandmother” (l.2) to include the audience into his family and intensifying the impression of togetherness and intimacy.

The repetition of “and” (l.5) shall clarify the importance of each enumerated value (beauty, power, culture) and accordingly the significance of striving after these.

For that reason he continues with the imperative “we must build such a company” to achieve the comprehension that the listeners have to contribute actively to the establishment of an unity. This appeal additionally supports the fictional dialogue between speaker and audience and establishes solidarity through the inclusive pronoun “we”. Through this, a more personal contact, even when mediated, between Smith and his listeners is reached.

Furthermore, the metaphor of the “rainbow” and its “colours”, which is used constantly during the speech, serves as a device to illustrate that the different ethnic groups have to unify in order realize their targets.

In this regard, Smith compares the individual social groups and their efforts with the single colours of the rainbow. This example shall visualise that the colours cannot make a rainbow for their selves, as the interests of the assemblies alone will not contribute to common welfare. This metaphor involves the audience in the creation of the persuader’s idea and is accordingly more conceived and supported.

Another stylistic device the speaker makes use of is parallelism (l.7-l.15). The sentences with identical syntax and partial the same words intensify the function of appeal and make the context more memorable for the listener.

Again he augments the importance of unifying and even assigns national priority to this matter by the repetition of “and” (l.20-23). Here he evokes values and conditions which are of great value and should accordingly be aspired.
I'm sorry, but I really don't know how to handle these mistakes! Can't give me some hints, support...whatever please!
here are my trials:

instead of "engaged with"--> is full of

intensifying--> to intensify

shall clarify-->illustrates

to achieve the comprehension --> I really have no idea how I could put it differently

establishment of an unity--> don't know either Emotion: sad

is reached-->develops

This example shall visualize --> what is wrong?

their selves --> what is wrong?

more conceived--> more comprehended?

partial--> to a great part?

intensifying-> intensify

the function of appeal--> what is wrong?

be aspired--> why wrong???!
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Ok, you managed to solve some of those, well done.

is full of - yes

to intensify - yes

illustrates - yes

to achieve the comprehension - possibly 'to create the idea that...'

establishment of a unity - I'm not sure what you mean by this.The word 'unity' is confusing.

'is reached' it's more the syntax of this whole sentence that is causing problems. 'is reached between Smith and his listeners' is better.

This example shall visualise - an example can't visualise anything itself but it might help the listeners visualise something.

their selves - themselves

more conceived - at the moment this sentence says the metaphor is more conceived and supported, not the idea, so again more of a syntax problem. I still don't like the use of conceived here. You need to say that the metaphor helps the audience better understand and support the idea (in some way).

partial - partially.

intensify the function of appeal - it is the 'function of appeal' part that I don't understand.

be aspired to.
What about: This metaphor involves the audience in the creation of the persuader's idea so that the train of thought is comprehended better and can thus be more supported.

And what if I replace "unity" through "unit"? Would it make more sense?

I do not really know how to rewrite "funtion of appeal"...maybe "appeal function" Emotion: stick out tongue Well, I mean that the constant repetition appears like...a siren....it says all the time "wuiiiiiiwuiiiiiiiiwuiiiiiiiiiwuiiiiiii" again and again till the listener knows: "I have to do something".....so the "wuiwui" of the siren is an appeal: "do something!!!!"...and therepetition of this "wuiwui" strenghtens its fuction of appeal...

Through the repetiotion the siren does not say "do something!" but it sais "do something!do something!do something!do something!do something!do something!"...

Hope its clearer now;-)