any content and grammar wrong? please help me to correct it. thank you very much

I am cindy. I am currently a year 1 student in the Management and Marketing Department of Chinese University. i would like to introduce my academic acheievement first.

As you can see at the form that, i have gained 3 distinctions and a Credit in Hong Kong Advanced Level Examination. In fact , i was only an indifferent students before. You can see my result of HKCEE is not very good. to get this great improvement, i deeply believe diligence is important. everything can be done as long as you work hard.

As for the aspect of extra - curricular activity, i have joined chinese orchestra since i was form 1. i have played Liuqin for 7 years. do you know what liuqin is? it is a chinese instrument. now i participate in polytechnic university 's chinese orchestra and north district chinese orchestra. Since i am the member of chinese , i have an opportunity to act some performances. i have justed acted on December, also, i have a chance to give a performance 2 weeks later, and in the coming months.

Because i am interested in music, i have paid much effort on it. Therefore, I luckily awarded the second place and the third place in liuqin competition in HK Schools Music Festival when i was f.2 and f.4. Apart from my music achievement, I have joined the PTU Choral Speaking Competition, luckily again i was award first place in HK Schools Speech Festival when i was f.6

i have also contributed to my secondary school when i was a college student. i was a school librarian and the captain of the school chinese orchestra. in addition to school services, i also participate in the flag - selling activity and walkathon of the Tung Wah Group of Hospital since i was f.4. as i am a member of community youth club, i have a chance to do some social services such as visiting the elderly, helping the disabled person. i believe those services are meaningful. not only can the people to be helped but also i can understand i am so happiness.

Although i have some achievement in those parts, i think i am not a all- rounded person as i am not good at english. it is my main weakness. So i hopfully i can study oversea. By studing in other countries, i believe my listening and my oral skill can be greatly improved. but i have a misgiving that my family cannot afford this tuition fee and the cost of living. so i hopfully hk jockey club can give me a hand and help me to achieve this goal.
I suggest you capitalize all your i's, the first word of every sentence, and the proper nouns, and we'll go from there.

Is this a JUPAS transfer?

Hope this helps. :-)
In fact, it is a draft of speech. In addition to the capitalization, what anything wrong abount the content and grammar? thanks~!
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It will be easier to correct if you repost with the capitals, as suggested
I am Cindy. I am currently a year 1 student in the Management and Marketing Department of Chinese University. i would like to introduce my academic acheievement first.

As you can see at the form that, i have gained 3 distinctions and a Credit in Hong Kong Advanced Level Examination. In fact , i was only an indifferent students before. You can see my result of HKCEE is not very good. To get this great improvement, I deeply believe diligence is important. Everything can be done as long as you work hard.

As for the aspect of extra - curricular activity,I have joined chinese orchestra since i was form 1. I have played Liuqin for 7 years. Do you know what liuqin is? It is a chinese instrument. Now i participate in North District chinese orchestra. Since I am the member of chinese orchestra, I have an opportunity to act some performances. I have justed acted on December, also, I have a chance to give a performance 2 weeks later, and in the coming months.

Because I am interested in music, I have paid much effort on it. Therefore, I luckily awarded the second place and the third place in liuqin competition in HK Schools Music Festival when I was f.2 and f.4. Apart from my music achievement, I have joined the PTU Choral Speaking Competition, luckily again I was award first place in HK Schools Speech Festival when I was f.6

I have also contributed to my secondary school when i was a college student. I was a school librarian and the captain of the school chinese orchestra. In addition to school services, I also participate in the flag - selling activity and walkathon of the Tung Wah Group of Hospital since i was f.4. as I am a member of Community Youth Club, I have a chance to do some social services such as visiting the elderly, helping the disabled person. I believe those services are meaningful. Not only can the people to be helped but also I can understand I am so happiness.

Although I have some achievement in those parts, I think I am not an all- rounded person as I am not good at english. It is my main weakness. So i hopfully I can study oversea. By studing in other countries, I believe my listening and my oral skill can be greatly improved. But i have a misgiving that my family cannot afford this tuition fee and the cost of living. So I hopfully hk jockey club can give me a hand and help me to achieve this goal.

I have aleardy capitiliza that..

please help me to correct it~thanks
Only the glaring mistakes. I've highlighted or bolded them. Please fix them and repost your speech.
Cheese1987I am Cindy. I am currently a year 1 student in the Management and Marketing Department of Chinese University (full name). i would like to introduce (wording) my academic acheievement first.

As you can see at (prep) the form that, i have gained 3 distinctions and a Credit in Hong Kong Advanced Level Examination. In fact , i was only an indifferent students before. You can see my result of HKCEE is not very good. To get this great improvement, I deeply believe diligence is important. Everything can be done as long as you work hard.

As for the aspect of extra - curricular activity,I have joined (you don't keep joining the orchestra. You have been playing in the orchestra) chinese orchestra since i was form 1. I have played Liuqin for 7 years. Do you know what liuqin is? It is a chinese instrument. Now i participate in North District chinese orchestra. Since I am the member of chinese orchestra (which?), I have an opportunity to act some performances. I have justed acted on December, also, I have a chance to give a performance 2 weeks later, and in the coming months.

Because I am interested in music, I have paid (wording) much effort on it. Therefore, I ___ (verb) luckily awarded the second place and the third place in liuqin competition (only 1?) in HK Schools Music Festival when I was f.2 and f.4. Apart from my music achievement, I have joined the PTU Choral Speaking Competition, luckily again I was award first place in HK Schools Speech Festival when I was f.6

I have also contributed to my secondary school when i was a college student. I was a school librarian and the captain of the school chinese orchestra. In addition to school services, I also participate (past or present?) in the flag - selling activity and walkathon of the Tung Wah Group of Hospital since i was f.4 (Use perfect tense with since). as I am a member of Community Youth Club, I have a chance to do some social services such as visiting the elderly, helping the disabled person (one?). I believe those services are meaningful. Not only can the people to be helped but also I can understand I am so happiness.

Although I have some achievement in those parts (awkward), I think I am not an well- rounded person as I am not good at english. It is my main weakness. So i hopfully I can study overseas. By studing in other countries (You believe you can improve your English in, say, Japan?), I believe my listening and my oral skill can be greatly improved. But i have a misgiving that my family cannot afford this tuition fee and the cost of living. So I hopfully hk jockey club can give me a hand and help me to achieve this goal.

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Julielai
Only the glaring mistakes. I've highlighted or bolded them. Please fix them and repost your speech.
Cheese1987I am Cindy. I am currently a year 1 student in the Management and Marketing Department of Chinese University (full name). i would like to talk about (wording) my academic acheievement first.

As you can see on (prep) the form that I have gained 3 distinctions and a Credit in Hong Kong Advanced Level Examination. In fact ,I was only an indifferent student before. You can see my result of HKCEE is not very good. To get this great improvement, I deeply believe diligence is important. Everything can be done as long as you work hard.

As for extra - curricular activities,I have been playing (you don't keep joining the orchestra. You have been playing in the orchestra) chinese orchestra since i was form 1. I have played Liuqin for 7 years. Do you know what liuqin is? It is a chinese instrument. Now I participate in North District Chinese Orchestra. Since I am the member of North District chinese orchestra (which?), I have an opportunity to act some performances. I have justed acted on December, also, I have a chance to give a performance 2 weeks later, and in the coming months.

Because I am interested in music, I have put (wording) much effort on it. Therefore, I was___ (verb) luckily awarded the second place and the third place in liuqin competitions (only 1?) in HK Schools Music Festival when I was f.2 and f.4. Apart from my music achievement, I have joined the PTU Choral Speaking Competition, luckily again I was awarded first place in HK Schools Speech Festival when I was f.6

I have also contributed to my secondary school when i was a college student. I was a school librarian and the captain of the school chinese orchestra. In addition to school services, I have also participated (past or present?) in the flag - selling activity and walkathon of the Tung Wah Group of Hospital since i was f.4 (Use perfect tense with since). as I am a member of Community Youth Club, I have a chance to have( I am not sure..) some social services such as visiting the elderly, helping the disabled people (one?). I believe those services are meaningful. Not only can the people be helped but also I can understand I am so happiness.

Although I have some achievement in those aspects (awkward), I think I am not an well- rounded person as I am not good at English. It is my main weakness. So i hopfully I can study overseas. By studing in other countries such as England, USA(You believe you can improve your English in, say, Japan?), I believe my listening and my oral skill can be greatly improved. But i have a misgiving that my family cannot afford this tuition fee and the cost of living. So I hopfully HK Jockey Club can give me a hand and help me to achieve this goal.

Am i right?

Thanks for your help~
Only the glaring mistakes. I've highlighted or bolded them. Please fix them and repost your speech.
Cheese1987I am Cindy. I am currently a year 1 student in the Management and Marketing Department of Chinese University (full name of the university). i would like to talk about my academic acheievement first (perhaps explain why you are giving the speech).

As you can see on the form, that I have gained 3 distinctions and a Credit in Hong Kong Advanced Level Examination. In fact ,I was only an indifferent student before. You can see my HKCEE results are not very good. To get this great improvement, I deeply believe diligence is important. Everything can be done as long as you work hard.

As for extra - curricular activities, I have been playing (missing prep.) (article) chinese orchestra since i was (prep) form 1. I have played Liuqin for 7 years. Do you know what liuqin is? It is a chinese instrument. Now I participate (wording) in North District Chinese Orchestra. Since I am the (article) member of North District chinese orchestra, I have an opportunity to perform. I have justed acted (wording) on (prep) December, (punctuation) also, I have a chance to give a performance 2 weeks later (Two weeks from your speech or what?), and in the coming months.

Because I am interested in music, I have put much effort on (prep) it. Therefore, I was luckily awarded the second place and the third place in liuqin competitions in HK Schools Music Festival when I was ___ (prep) f.2 and f.4. Apart from my music achievement, I have joined (wording) the PTU Choral Speaking Competition, luckily again I was awarded first place in HK Schools Speech Festival when I was f.6

I have also contributed to my secondary school when i was a college student. I was a school librarian and the captain of the school chinese orchestra. In addition to school services, I have also participated in the flag - selling activity and (article) walkathon of the Tung Wah Group of Hospital since i was (prep) f.4. as I am a member of Community Youth Club, I have a chance to perform some social services such as visiting the elderly, helping the disabled people. I believe those services are meaningful. Not only can the people be helped but also I can understand I am so happiness (You need an adj. Do you want to say you're happy? Weird).
Although I have some achievement in those aspects, I think I am not an (article) well- rounded person as I am not good at English. It is my main weakness. So i hopfully I can study overseas. By studing in other countries such as England or USA, I believe my listening and my oral skill can be greatly improved. But i have a misgiving that my family cannot afford this tuition fee and the cost of living. So I (you don't give yourself a hand) hopfully HK Jockey Club can give me a hand and help me to achieve this goal.